July 25, 2020
Dream of a Ridiculous Man
“I am a ridiculous person”. This is the opening line of this enthralling short story written by Dostoievsky. By short, I mean that reading it takes up to 50 minutes. Fifty captivating minutes that may change your perception of the world. The story takes place in Russia, where a middle-aged man known among his acquaintances as a weirdo, as someone strange and ridiculous, unfit to live in society. Tired of constantly being left aside, and having no hope for the future, makes up his mind to end his life.
One day, he is walking around the city thinking about his resolution, when all of a sudden, a little girl comes up to him begging him for help saying that her mother is dying. Due to all of her sobs, he can barely make out what the girl says, but he does grasp that in her despair, the girl went out to the street looking for someone to help her. However, this man wants nothing to do with her or her problems, so he pushes her away, and goes home.
After this episode, he arrives at his room and sits in front of his gun, thinking about what he is going to do next. However, something is bugging him, something that deters him from continuing with his plan. Everything points to that girl, and he realizes that all that scene had moved and awakened something inside of him. Something that made him aware that his heart wasn’t as cold as he had thought it was, and thereupon he begins to question himself and his relations with others. Thus, in the middle of his confusion, he sits down to clear up his mind and resolves to postpone his suicide until he can put his thoughts together again.
Exhausted, he finally falls asleep. However, to his surprise, he awakes in the middle of his dreams, noticing that he did commit suicide, that he is inside of a coffin, and also, as if that wasn’t enough, that he is being buried alive! At this point, he loses his temper and starts to scream for help, deeply repented for what he had done, for having killed himself! But, just when he is giving up all hope and overcome by remorse, a mysterious entity takes him out of the coffin and takes him through a journey around the universe.
The story takes place in Russia, whereith a middle-aged man known among his acquaintances as a weirdo, as someone strange and ridiculous, unfit to live in society.
Good sentence but you for got a verb. "Where a middle age man [known among .. weirdo], [as someone ..], [unfit to live..]" There is no verb here! In my brain, I ask myself "where the man .. does what!?"
You could also say "...where we meet a middle-aged man .."
or
"where a middle aged man .... unfit to live in society, is the main character". But that sentence is too long!
Tired of constantly being left aside, and having no hope for the future, he makes up his mind to end his life.
Again, incomplete sentence.
If you put this with the previous one (e.g. "unfit to live in society, tired of .... makes up his mind to end his life"), that would make logical sense. Although the sentence would be much too long.
One day, he is walking around the city thinking about his resolution, when all of a sudden, a little girl comes up to him begging him for help sayingbecause that her mother is dying.
Technically correct, but "begging" and "saying" are redundant, so let's eliminate one.
Due to all of her sobsbing, he can barely make out what the girl says, but he does grasp that in her despair, the girl went out to the street looking for someone to help her.
I think "sobs" might be slang :) or informal.
However, something is bugging him, something that deters him from continuing with his plan.
You might need to write "...bugging him; something". Not sure. Go look up semicolon usage to confirm or deny.
Everything points to that girl, and he realizes that all that scene had moved and awakened something inside of him.
Something that made him aware that his heart wasn’t as cold as he had thought it was, and thereupon he begins to question himself and his relations with others.
Again the first clause here is wrong. It needs to be an actual sentence. Look up "dependent, independent" clauses.
Again, if this was combined with the last sentence with a comma, it would make grammatical sense (but be too long and awkward).
Thus, in the middle of his confusion, he sits down to clear up his mind and resolves to postpone his suicide until he can put his thoughts together again.
"clear up" -- to clarify. "Let me clear up what I mean"
"clear" -- to make pure or erase. "let me clear my mind after a long day's work
"make up" -- to solidify a decision. "You need to make up your mind, do you want to date me or not!?"
However, to his surprise, he awakes in the middle of his dreams, noticing that he did commit suicide, that he is inside of a coffin, and also, as if that wasn’t enough, that he is being buried alive!
one too many spaces in there.
Feedback
Your command of English is great, well done!
You start to fall into a trap that many high school students do, which is you use lots of complex sentences with lots of different clauses. This is good, however, if you want to improve you should try to vary up the sentence structure from time to time. It will, stylistically, make you more persuasive. But to be honest, I don't even do it that great myself.
If you haven't already, you should start to read good English authors and take note of how they command different sentence structures. I think that will help you become even better.
In general, if it wasn't clear, I think you would benefit from reading some more intermediate to advanced books on English grammar. Your English is basically that of a pretty smart early high schooler, minus a couple errors, so good job!
July 26, 2020
This is a strange grammatical rule that many English speakers get wrong too. Good to know about!
July 26, 2020
The story takes place in Russia, whereith a middle-aged man known among his acquaintances as a weirdo, as someone strange and ridiculous, unfit to live in society.
this correction is OK grammatically but in context it makes an awkward sentence
July 26, 2020
I disagree, "episode" is used like this to describe some experience or phenomenon.
July 26, 2020
Thanks so much for your advice and corrections =D I'll do what you suggested :)
July 26, 2020
If you want a recommendation, go ready some Hemingway. He has a powerful way to say a lot with seemingly simple sentences. It might give you some good ideas for how to structure sentences and stories in an engaging way.
July 26, 2020
read*
July 26, 2020
Yeah, many people have said the same to me. I think it's because I have a tendency to write long sentences, and my correctors always complain about that! =D hahah
July 26, 2020
I'm finishing a short text, I'll upload it in a few minutes. Please if you have some time, check it out, please.
July 26, 2020
I love long sentences too! It is definitely a "style" thing, and maybe your correctors are complaining incorrectly sometimes :). Sometimes really good authors (e.g. David Foster Wallace) will write an incredibly long sentence, like a page or two in length, and it has stylistic merit. A lot of really old English (think: Declaration of Independence or before) makes use of long sentences. It's hard for us to read old English because the sentence structure is often so long and fragmented.
What do I mean by hard? Well, it's unclear which nouns, verbs, and prepositions are connected to each other. For example, given your style, I suspect you might write something like this:
"At the end of his day, Brad, having eaten an apple, and also gone on a date with his girlfriend, during which he made a fool of himself, decided to take a nap." The core of the sentence is "Brad decided to take a nap" but even though it's grammatically correct it's hard to read.
Just a little style lesson if you weren't already aware. Keep up the good work!
July 26, 2020
To be honest, I have that bad habit (writing long sentences) because in Spanish you can do it. Spanish syntax is not that strict as English syntax. In fact, you can write, and write not stop, and nobody would say that what you are doing is wrong. And of course, I still have that structure in my mind.
July 26, 2020
In spoken English that style is entirely fine, in written you just gotta mix it up a bit. Practically, I would suggest next time you write something with many long sentences, turn 10% of them into nice short ones.
July 26, 2020
haha... I do that! Before uploading a text I read it like 10 times. The problem is that my English is not advanced yet. But I'll get there some day ;-)
July 26, 2020
It is quite advanced actually :)
Dream of a Ridiculous Man
“I am a ridiculous person”."
This is the opening line of this enthralling short story written by Dostoievsky.
By short, I mean that reading it takes up to 50 minutes.
Fifty captivating minutes that may change your perception of the world.
The story takes place in Russia, where a middle-aged man known among his acquaintances as a weirdo, as someone strange and ridiculous, is unfit to live in society.
Tired of constantly being left aside, and having no hope for the future, he makes up his mind to end his life.
One day, he is walking around the city thinking about his resolution, when all of a sudden, a little girl comes up to him. She starts begging him for his help, saying that her mother is dying.
sounds smoother when it's split up
Due to all of her sobs, he can barely make out what the girl says, but he does grasp that in her despair, the girl went out to the street looking for someone to help her.
However, this man wants nothing to do with her or her problems, so he pushes her away, and goes home.
After this episode, he arrives at his room and sits in front of his gun, thinking about what he is going to do next.
I didn't change the sentence, since I didn't know what you meant. But if instead of "room" you meant "apartment" or "house", you say this:
After this, he arrives at his apartment ...
After this, he arrives at his house ...
But if you meant to say "room", this is the best way to say it:
After this, he goes back to his room ...
However, something is bugging him, something that deters him from continuing with his plan.
Everything points to that girl, and he realizes that all that scenewhat happened previously had moved and awakened something inside of him.
Something that made him aware that his heart wasn’t as cold as he had thought it was, and thereupon he begins to question himself and his relationships with others.
Thus, in the middle of his confusion, he sits down to clear up his mind and resolves to postpone his suicide until he can put his thoughts together again.
Exhausted, he finally falls asleep.
However, to his surprise, he awakes in the middle of his dreams, noticing that he did commit suicide, that he is inside of a coffin, and also, as if that wasn’t enough, that he is being buried alive!
At this point, he loses his temper and starts to scream for help, deeply repented for what he had done, for having killed himself!
But, just when he is giving up all hope and overcome by remorse, a mysterious entity takes him out of the coffin and takes him throughon a journey around the universe.
Feedback
I'm so impressed. You are such a great writer! :D
July 25, 2020
Thanks so much Alyssa! For your time and corrections. I hope to give you less work in the future ;-)
July 26, 2020
“I am a ridiculous person”."
This is a strange grammatical rule that many English speakers get wrong too. Good to know about!
July 26, 2020
The story takes place in Russia, where a middle-aged man known among his acquaintances as a weirdo, as someone strange and ridiculous, is unfit to live in society.
this correction is OK grammatically but in context it makes an awkward sentence
July 26, 2020
After this episode, he arrives at his room and sits in front of his gun, thinking about what he is going to do next.
I disagree, "episode" is used like this to describe some experience or phenomenon.
July 26, 2020
this correction is OK grammatically but in context it makes an awkward sentence
I don't think so. Without the extra description, the sentence would be:
"The story takes place in Russia, where an middle-aged man is unfit to live in society." You can also replace "is" with "feels". Either way, they both create a correct sentence, and the extra information just adds more to the sentence.
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Dream of a Ridiculous Man This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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“I am a ridiculous person”. “I am a ridiculous person |
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This is the opening line of this enthralling short story written by Dostoievsky. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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By short, I mean that reading it takes up to 50 minutes. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Fifty captivating minutes that may change your perception of the world. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The story takes place in Russia, where a middle-aged man known among his acquaintances as a weirdo, as someone strange and ridiculous, unfit to live in society. The story takes place in Russia, where a middle-aged man known among his acquaintances as a weirdo, as someone strange and ridiculous, is unfit to live in society. The story takes place in Russia Good sentence but you for got a verb. "Where a middle age man [known among .. weirdo], [as someone ..], [unfit to live..]" There is no verb here! In my brain, I ask myself "where the man .. does what!?" You could also say "...where we meet a middle-aged man .." or "where a middle aged man .... unfit to live in society, is the main character". But that sentence is too long! |
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Tired of constantly being left aside, and having no hope for the future, makes up his mind to end his life. Tired of constantly being left aside Tired of constantly being left aside, and having no hope for the future, he makes up his mind to end his life. Again, incomplete sentence. If you put this with the previous one (e.g. "unfit to live in society, tired of .... makes up his mind to end his life"), that would make logical sense. Although the sentence would be much too long. |
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One day, he is walking around the city thinking about his resolution, when all of a sudden, a little girl comes up to him begging him for help saying that her mother is dying. One day, he is walking around the city thinking about his resolution, when all of a sudden, a little girl comes up to him. She starts begging sounds smoother when it's split up One day, he is walking around the city thinking about his resolution, when all of a sudden, a little girl comes up to him begging him for help Technically correct, but "begging" and "saying" are redundant, so let's eliminate one. |
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Due to all of her sobs, he can barely make out what the girl says, but he does grasp that in her despair, the girl went out to the street looking for someone to help her. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Due to all of her sob I think "sobs" might be slang :) or informal. |
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However, this man wants nothing to do with her or her problems, so he pushes her away, and goes home. However, this man wants nothing to do with her or her problems, so he pushes her away |
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After this episode, he arrives at his room and sits in front of his gun, thinking about what he is going to do next. After this I didn't change the sentence, since I didn't know what you meant. But if instead of "room" you meant "apartment" or "house", you say this: After this, he arrives at his apartment ... After this, he arrives at his house ... But if you meant to say "room", this is the best way to say it: After this, he goes back to his room ... |
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However, something is bugging him, something that deters him from continuing with his plan. This sentence has been marked as perfect! However, something is bugging him, something that deters him from continuing with his plan. You might need to write "...bugging him; something". Not sure. Go look up semicolon usage to confirm or deny. |
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Everything points to that girl, and he realizes that all that scene had moved and awakened something inside of him. Everything points to that girl, and he realizes that Everything points to that girl, and he realizes that |
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Something that made him aware that his heart wasn’t as cold as he had thought it was, and thereupon he begins to question himself and his relations with others. Something that made him aware that his heart wasn’t as cold as he had thought it was, and thereupon he begins to question himself and his relationships with others. Something Again the first clause here is wrong. It needs to be an actual sentence. Look up "dependent, independent" clauses. Again, if this was combined with the last sentence with a comma, it would make grammatical sense (but be too long and awkward). |
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Thus, in the middle of his confusion, he sits down to clear up his mind and resolves to postpone his suicide until he can put his thoughts together again. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Thus, in the middle of his confusion, he sits down to clear "clear up" -- to clarify. "Let me clear up what I mean" "clear" -- to make pure or erase. "let me clear my mind after a long day's work "make up" -- to solidify a decision. "You need to make up your mind, do you want to date me or not!?" |
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Exhausted, he finally falls asleep. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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However, to his surprise, he awakes in the middle of his dreams, noticing that he did commit suicide, that he is inside of a coffin, and also, as if that wasn’t enough, that he is being buried alive! This sentence has been marked as perfect! However, to his surprise, he awakes in the middle of his dreams, noticing that he did commit suicide, that he is inside of a coffin, and also, as if that wasn’t enough, one too many spaces in there. |
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At this point, he loses his temper and starts to scream for help, deeply repented for what he had done, for having killed himself! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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But, just when he is giving up all hope and overcome by remorse, a mysterious entity takes him out of the coffin and takes him through a journey around the universe. But, just when he is giving up all hope and overcome by remorse, a mysterious entity takes him out of the coffin and takes him |
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