Jan. 30, 2025
Dramatic stuff
I was feeling dramatic today so I decided to write a short paragraph about
religious guilt and vampires( think this feeling is probably because of Castlevania Nocturne lol)
Warning: poor knowledge about religion and vampires.
“Waking up every morning under his gaze makes me guilt-ridden. I can feel myself burning under his piercing divine stare. It feels like I don’t deserve to be his servant anymore, I can’t live with this humiliating guilt anymore. I fall into darkness, I fall into sin, I drown in the warm, red gaze of that devil. I’m so weak… I can feel him everywhere, these marks in my neck… I don’t belong here anymore. I hope the good lord can forgive me.”
I really want to write from the vampire's perspective when he arrives and sees another lover taking their own life because of him but it’ll be too much. ://
Eu estava me sentindo dramática hoje, então decidi escrever um pequeno parágrafo sobre culpa religiosa e vampiros (acho que esse sentimento provavelmente é por causa de Castlevania Nocturne lol).
Aviso: pouco conhecimento sobre religião e vampiros.
"Acordar todas as manhãs sob seu olhar me enche de culpa. Sinto-me queimando sob seu olhar divino e penetrante. Parece que não mereço mais ser seu servo, não posso mais viver com essa culpa humilhante. Caio na escuridão, caio no pecado, me afogo no olhar quente e vermelho daquele diabo. Sou tão fraco... posso senti-lo em toda parte, essas marcas no meu pescoço... Eu não pertenço mais a este lugar. Espero que o bom senhor possa me perdoar."
Eu realmente quero escrever do ponto de vista do vampiro quando ele chega e vê outro amante tirando a própria vida por causa dele, mas isso seria demais. ://
Dramatic sStuff
Important words in title need a capital letter.
I was feeling dramatic today, so I decided to write a short paragraph about
¶religious guilt and vampires( (I think this feeling is probably because of Castlevania Nocturne, lol)
¶.) Warning: poor knowledge about religion and vampires.
Join sentence with so use comma. Probably more correct to use a pronoun I in front of "think" although you can probably get away with it if the sentence is casual. lol is an "interruption" to the sentence so separated by a comma from rest of sentence.
“Waking up every morning under his gaze makes me guilt-ridden.
I can feel myself burning under his piercing, divine stare.
As you could say 'piercing and divine stare' or "divine and piercing stare" and it still make sense, I would say you need a comma between the adjective.
It feels like I don’t deserve to be his servant anymore,. I can’t live with this humiliating guilt anymore.
Two full sentences user a full stop rather than a comma.
I fall into darkness,; I fall into sin,; I drown in the warm, red gaze of that devil.
These are full sentences so cannot be separated by a comma. Use a full stop or as they are related a semi-colon. warm and red are different categories of adjective so you don't need a comma between them.
I’m so weak… I can feel him everywhere, t. These marks in my neck… I don’t belong here anymore.
Two complete sentences need to be separated by a full stop.
I hope the good lord can forgive me.”
¶ ¶
¶
I really want to write from the vampire's perspective when he arrives and sees another lover taking their own life because of him, but it’ll be too much.
Two sentences joined with but need a comma.
://
Feedback
Good writing. Just some tiny niggles.
Jan. 31, 2025
Thank you for all the corrections!
I really need to pay more attention to punctuation 🥹
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Dramatic stuff Dramatic Important words in title need a capital letter. |
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I was feeling dramatic today so I decided to write a short paragraph about religious guilt and vampires( think this feeling is probably because of Castlevania Nocturne lol) Warning: poor knowledge about religion and vampires. I was feeling dramatic today, so I decided to write a short paragraph about Join sentence with so use comma. Probably more correct to use a pronoun I in front of "think" although you can probably get away with it if the sentence is casual. lol is an "interruption" to the sentence so separated by a comma from rest of sentence. |
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“Waking up every morning under his gaze makes me guilt-ridden. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I can feel myself burning under his piercing divine stare. I can feel myself burning under his piercing, divine stare. As you could say 'piercing and divine stare' or "divine and piercing stare" and it still make sense, I would say you need a comma between the adjective. |
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It feels like I don’t deserve to be his servant anymore, I can’t live with this humiliating guilt anymore. It feels like I don’t deserve to be his servant anymore Two full sentences user a full stop rather than a comma. |
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I fall into darkness, I fall into sin, I drown in the warm, red gaze of that devil. I fall into darkness These are full sentences so cannot be separated by a comma. Use a full stop or as they are related a semi-colon. warm and red are different categories of adjective so you don't need a comma between them. |
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I’m so weak… I can feel him everywhere, these marks in my neck… I don’t belong here anymore. I’m so weak… I can feel him everywhere Two complete sentences need to be separated by a full stop. |
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I hope the good lord can forgive me.” I really want to write from the vampire's perspective when he arrives and sees another lover taking their own life because of him but it’ll be too much. I hope the good lord can forgive me.” Two sentences joined with but need a comma. |
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:// This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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