March 3, 2021
Do not hit your friends -- computers!
My computer broke yesterday. Actually, that was my fault, because I hit my oldie due to his slow running. He broke. Today, I've been scolding myself, because now, when I've cooled down, I clearly see what a fool I am. My friend has gone through so much next to me since I bought him! Do not correct "he" to "it" - this is my real attitude towards my broken Samsung, not a mistake! Yes, I'm a bit sentimental when it comes to things that serve me for so long. But also now I've got so many problems since he's been a keeper of my secrets. It's really hard to transmit them to another computer now.
I fixed my oldie once when I was in the States. Americans removed his old hard drive and changed it to the new one. That operation my friend endured patiently. This time, I doubt that he has even a slim chance to survive. It's time to say "Good bye!" Forgive me, my dear comrade! Thank you for your service!
Do not hit your friends -- computer friends!
Or perhaps you might say "Do not hit your friends, even if they are computers!"
My computer broke yesterday.
Actually, that was my fault, because I hit my oldie due to his slow runningness.
The phrase "my oldie" is unfamiliar to me, and so it sounds odd to me. I do not know if it is some slang that is unknown to me.
I would probably say either "my buddy" or "my old friend" for this. But you use it throughout this journal, so I'm leaving it as is.
"Slow running" sounds too much like "slow jogging"
Or you could say "due to his running slowly"
Or "performing slowly"
He broke.
That's okay, but "He broke down" would also be fine, and sounds just a tad better to me.
Today, I've been scolding myself, because now, when I've cooled down, I clearly see what a fool I am.
What you wrote is fine, but to make it sound a bit more polished, I would suggest:
I've been scolding myself today, because now that I've cooled down, I clearly see what a fool I've been.
My friend has gone through so much next towith me since I bought him!
What you wrote is not wrong, but is not the usual phrasing; we would normally use "with me" here.
Do not correct "he" to "it" - this is my real attitude towards my broken Samsung,; it's not a mistake!
Yes, I'm a bit sentimental when it comes to things that serve me for so long.
But also now I've got so many problems since he's been a keeper of my secrets.
It's really hard to transmit them to another computer now.
What you wrote is okay, but I think a more natural phrasing would be:
It's going to be really hard to move them to another computer now.
Or "to copy them"
I fixed my oldie once when I was in the States.
"The States" is fine, but as you may know, it is a European expression that is not used in the U.S.
Americans removed his old hard drive and changed it to thefor a new one.
Or "exchanged it for a new one"
Or "swapped in a new one"
Or "put in a new one"
That operation my friend endured patiently.
What you wrote is not wrong, but the more common word order would definitely be
My friend endured that operation patiently.
This time, I doubt that he has even a slimmall chance to survive.
What you wrote is not wrong, but I switched in a more common (natural sounding) phrasing
It's time to say "Good bye!"
Forgive me, my dear comrade!
Thank you for your service!
Feedback
It gets challenging to correct a journal when you're fluent enough to experiment with style (such as anthropomorphising your computer here), because the style and the word usage are so linked together. It becomes really less an exercise of correction and more an exercise of suggesting alternatives for you to consider, as you're the author of the style you're using.
March 5, 2021
Yes, I see what you're saying. Anyway, thank you for your corrections; they are pretty useful!
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Do not hit your friends -- computers! Do not hit your Or perhaps you might say "Do not hit your friends, even if they are computers!" |
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My computer broke yesterday. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Actually, that was my fault, because I hit my oldie due to his slow running. Actually, that was my fault, because I hit my oldie due to his slow The phrase "my oldie" is unfamiliar to me, and so it sounds odd to me. I do not know if it is some slang that is unknown to me. I would probably say either "my buddy" or "my old friend" for this. But you use it throughout this journal, so I'm leaving it as is. "Slow running" sounds too much like "slow jogging" Or you could say "due to his running slowly" Or "performing slowly" |
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He broke. He broke. That's okay, but "He broke down" would also be fine, and sounds just a tad better to me. |
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Today, I've been scolding myself, because now, when I've cooled down, I clearly see what a fool I am. Today, I've been scolding myself, because now, when I've cooled down, I clearly see what a fool I am. What you wrote is fine, but to make it sound a bit more polished, I would suggest: I've been scolding myself today, because now that I've cooled down, I clearly see what a fool I've been. |
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My friend has gone through so much next to me since I bought him! My friend has gone through so much What you wrote is not wrong, but is not the usual phrasing; we would normally use "with me" here. |
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Do not correct "he" to "it" - this is my real attitude towards my broken Samsung, not a mistake! Do not correct "he" to "it" - this is my real attitude towards my broken Samsung |
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Yes, I'm a bit sentimental when it comes to things that serve me for so long. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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But also now I've got so many problems since he's been a keeper of my secrets. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It's really hard to transmit them to another computer now. It's really hard to transmit them to another computer now. What you wrote is okay, but I think a more natural phrasing would be: It's going to be really hard to move them to another computer now. Or "to copy them" |
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I fixed my oldie once when I was in the States. I fixed my oldie once when I was in the States. "The States" is fine, but as you may know, it is a European expression that is not used in the U.S. |
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Americans removed his old hard drive and chaged it to the new one. |
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That operation my friend endured patiently. That operation my friend endured patiently. What you wrote is not wrong, but the more common word order would definitely be My friend endured that operation patiently. |
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This time, I doubt that he has even a slim chance to survive. This time, I doubt that he has even a s What you wrote is not wrong, but I switched in a more common (natural sounding) phrasing |
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It's time to say "Good bye!" This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Forgive me, my dear comrade! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Thank you for your service! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Americans removed his old hard drive and changed it to the new one. Americans removed his old hard drive and changed it Or "exchanged it for a new one" Or "swapped in a new one" Or "put in a new one" |
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