heyyawn's avatar
heyyawn

March 10, 2021

0
Diary: Groupies in China

To be honest, I haven't heard of the word "groupie" before, until I read an article about the groupies story of Chinese rock. And it was posted on International Women's day, it's really a very special way to celebrate the festival. Groupie is a group of girls who pursue rock band boys with their bodies. In the vigorous era of rock music, groupies attached to the musicians and regarded themselves as music devotees. At the same time, they also regarded the musicians as consumer goods. Rock music entered China from 1980 to 1990 and has been underground for a long time. So I know little about Chinese rock culture. In addition, because in China, it's very conservative in terms of sex, I'm surprised that groupies actually exists in China. Compared with foreign countries, groupies in China have been humiliated by more sluts. After a popular variety show called "Summer Of The Band", there was more discussion about groupies. However, many outsiders believe that groupies are related to "no self love" and "no self-esteem", who materialize themselves and become men's accessories. For me, I marvel at groupies' avant-garde thoughts.

diary
Corrections

Diary: Groupies in China

To be honest, I haven't heard of the word "groupie" before, until I read an article about the groupies story of Chinese rock.

-"had not/hadn't" should be used instead of "have not/haven't"... hopefully this reddit link with an example works! https://www.reddit.com/r/EnglishLearning/comments/a49wcs/hadnt_vs_havent/ebdkqau/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
-Based on what you wrote later, it seems like the article wasn't about a specific "story," but instead it was about groupies who followed Chinese rock music in general. Based on this, I thought it would be more appropriate to exclude "stories"

And itThis was posted on International Women's day, it's really as a very specialunique way to celebrate the festival.

-Recommend not starting sentences with "and"
-Nothing wrong with "special," I think saying "unique" would work better here though

Groupie iss are a group of girls who pursue rock band boys with their bodiesexual intentions.

-Changed a bit because it should be plural
-I get what you mean by "with their bodies" but I think the correction I made may sound more appropriate

In the vigorousliveliest era of rock music, groupies attached to thehemselves to musicians and regardedsaw themselves as music devotees.

-I think a word like "liveliest" may fit what you're trying to say better
-clarified what you meant by groupies attaching... although I may have made it more repetitive by using "themselves" twice
-there's nothing wrong with "regarded," I just changed it to "saw" as it is less formal

At the same time, they also regardviewed the musicians as consumer goods.

-Regarded was fine here but I think "viewed" works better in my opinion!

Rock music entered China from 1980 to 1990 and has been underground for a long time.

SoBecause of this, I know very little about Chinese rock culture.

-Added a bit to make it a full sentence
-added "very" in front of little for stylistic purposes

In addition, because in China, it's very conservative in terms of sex, I'm surprised that groupies actually exists in China.

-Fixed the flow

Compared with foreign countries, groupies in China have been humiliated by more sluts.

Not 100% sure what you mean here - have groupies in China been humiliated by being called sluts? Or have they been humiliated by the sluts themselves?

After a popular variety show called "Summer Of The Band", there whas been more discussion about groupies.

-Changed it to "has been" because I believe that the discussion about groupies is still present and happening. "There was" may be more suitable however if the discussion about groupies has stopped

However, many outsiders believe that groupies are related tohave "no self love" and "no self-esteem", whoas they materialize themselves andto become men's accessories.

-Not 100% sure what you mean by "outsiders" - is this referring to people who are not groupies? If so, you could substitute "outsiders" with "many people" or even just "many"

For me, I marvel at groupies' avant-garde thoughts.

Feedback

Very interesting article and interesting post! You have a really nice vocabulary too and it's great to see you use it. Keep up your hard work, it's definitely paying off :)

heyyawn's avatar
heyyawn

March 12, 2021

0

Compared with foreign countries, groupies in China have been humiliated by more sluts.

Groupies in China have been humiliated by being called sluts.

heyyawn's avatar
heyyawn

March 12, 2021

0

However, many outsiders believe that groupies are related tohave "no self love" and "no self-esteem", whoas they materialize themselves andto become men's accessories.

Those who do not know the rock culture nor the groupies' culture

heyyawn's avatar
heyyawn

March 12, 2021

0

Thank you so much :)

Diary: Groupies in China


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

To be honest, I haven't heard of the word "groupie" before, until I read an article about the groupies story of Chinese rock.


To be honest, I haven't heard of the word "groupie" before, until I read an article about the groupies story of Chinese rock.

-"had not/hadn't" should be used instead of "have not/haven't"... hopefully this reddit link with an example works! https://www.reddit.com/r/EnglishLearning/comments/a49wcs/hadnt_vs_havent/ebdkqau/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 -Based on what you wrote later, it seems like the article wasn't about a specific "story," but instead it was about groupies who followed Chinese rock music in general. Based on this, I thought it would be more appropriate to exclude "stories"

And it was posted on International Women's day, it's really a very special way to celebrate the festival.


And itThis was posted on International Women's day, it's really as a very specialunique way to celebrate the festival.

-Recommend not starting sentences with "and" -Nothing wrong with "special," I think saying "unique" would work better here though

Groupie is a group of girls who pursue rock band boys with their bodies.


Groupie iss are a group of girls who pursue rock band boys with their bodiesexual intentions.

-Changed a bit because it should be plural -I get what you mean by "with their bodies" but I think the correction I made may sound more appropriate

In the vigorous era of rock music, groupies attached to the musicians and regarded themselves as music devotees.


In the vigorousliveliest era of rock music, groupies attached to thehemselves to musicians and regardedsaw themselves as music devotees.

-I think a word like "liveliest" may fit what you're trying to say better -clarified what you meant by groupies attaching... although I may have made it more repetitive by using "themselves" twice -there's nothing wrong with "regarded," I just changed it to "saw" as it is less formal

At the same time, they also regarded the musicians as consumer goods.


At the same time, they also regardviewed the musicians as consumer goods.

-Regarded was fine here but I think "viewed" works better in my opinion!

Rock music entered China from 1980 to 1990 and has been underground for a long time.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

So I know little about Chinese rock culture.


SoBecause of this, I know very little about Chinese rock culture.

-Added a bit to make it a full sentence -added "very" in front of little for stylistic purposes

In addition, because in China, it's very conservative in terms of sex, I'm surprised that groupies actually exists in China.


In addition, because in China, it's very conservative in terms of sex, I'm surprised that groupies actually exists in China.

-Fixed the flow

Compared with foreign countries, groupies in China have been humiliated by more sluts.


Compared with foreign countries, groupies in China have been humiliated by more sluts.

Not 100% sure what you mean here - have groupies in China been humiliated by being called sluts? Or have they been humiliated by the sluts themselves?

After a popular variety show called "Summer Of The Band", there was more discussion about groupies.


After a popular variety show called "Summer Of The Band", there whas been more discussion about groupies.

-Changed it to "has been" because I believe that the discussion about groupies is still present and happening. "There was" may be more suitable however if the discussion about groupies has stopped

However, many outsiders believe that groupies are related to "no self love" and "no self-esteem", who materialize themselves and become men's accessories.


However, many outsiders believe that groupies are related tohave "no self love" and "no self-esteem", whoas they materialize themselves andto become men's accessories.

-Not 100% sure what you mean by "outsiders" - is this referring to people who are not groupies? If so, you could substitute "outsiders" with "many people" or even just "many"

For me, I marvel at groupies' avant-garde thoughts.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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