July 21, 2021
Diary: BCI (pt.2)
Implanted devices use data to learn about the inside of a person, and it can lead to the leak of personal information, while the boundaries of privacy in the internal world of the human body are difficult to define.
1. Someone may view the implanted device itself as a privacy. It depends on what kind of device it is.
2. The information collected by the device is a direct reflection of the private activity. For example, the combination of heart rate and time information recorded by a fitness bracelet can clearly reflect the pattern of sexual life.
3. Further analysis of the information collected by devices is sufficient to reveal intimate activities. For example, movement traces may reveal individual health status, religious beliefs and sexual orientation.
Implanted devices use data to learcollect data from inside the human about the inside of a person, and it can lead to the leak of personal information, while tdy. This personal data can potentially be leaked. The boundaries of privacy in the internal world ofside the human body are difficult to define.
"Use" implies the device already has the data. "Collect" defines the device's purpose.
English has many specific words for "inside of a person", so it's better to say "inside of the human body" because "inside of a person" sounds awkward in this context.
The rest of the sentence needs to be separated because the relationship because each clause is very vague. What is "it"? The data? The device? "It" needs to be defined to use "lead", otherwise the sentence does not make sense.
Just to note, even though I corrected it, the sentences are very basic based on the context given. There is a lack of connection/flow/train of thought between sentences, which is hard to correct without rewriting or rephrasing your intention.
1. Someone may view the implanted device itself as a privacy.
It depends on what kind of device it is.
2. The information collected by the device is a direct reflection of the privatean individual's activityies.
"The private activity" is not specific. You can also say "an individual's private life" or "an individual's private lifestyle".
For example, the combination of heart rate and time information recorded by a fitness bracelet can clearly reflect the pattern of sexual life.
3. Further analysis of the information collected by devices is sufficient to reveal intimate activities.
For example, movement traces may reveal individual health status, religious beliefs, and sexual orientation.
Feedback
Very good! It was a fun read. Just work on being more specific and transitions in longer sentences.
July 25, 2021
Thank you very much for the corrections!
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Diary: BCI (pt.2) |
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I am tired rn. |
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I'll finish it tomorrow morning. |
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Implanted devices use data to learn about the inside of a person, and it can lead to the leak of personal information, while the boundaries of privacy in the internal world of the human body are difficult to define. Implanted devices "Use" implies the device already has the data. "Collect" defines the device's purpose. English has many specific words for "inside of a person", so it's better to say "inside of the human body" because "inside of a person" sounds awkward in this context. The rest of the sentence needs to be separated because the relationship because each clause is very vague. What is "it"? The data? The device? "It" needs to be defined to use "lead", otherwise the sentence does not make sense. Just to note, even though I corrected it, the sentences are very basic based on the context given. There is a lack of connection/flow/train of thought between sentences, which is hard to correct without rewriting or rephrasing your intention. |
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1. Someone may view the implanted device itself as a privacy. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It depends on what kind of device it is. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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2. The information collected by the device is a direct reflection of the private activity. 2. The information collected by the device is a direct reflection of "The private activity" is not specific. You can also say "an individual's private life" or "an individual's private lifestyle". |
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For example, the combination of heart rate and time information recorded by a fitness bracelet can clearly reflect the pattern of sexual life. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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3. Further analysis of the information collected by devices is sufficient to reveal intimate activities. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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For example, movement traces may reveal individual health status, religious beliefs and sexual orientation. For example, movement traces may reveal individual health status, religious beliefs, and sexual orientation. |
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