dubrakva's avatar
dubrakva

Dec. 17, 2021

0
Defly

My secret name is Defly, you won't find out your real name yet, I'm a world heroine. As a little girl, I always wanted to become a heroine and help people. That wish came true and now all the children know me by it. I was named after the first three letters of the word „Defense“. My symbol signifies a yellow triangle and inside is an exclamation point, that symbol signifies security.
Many children ask me how I became a heroine. It happened overnight, I started to feel like something was going on with my body. I woke up and I could fly. I read various books and found out it was one about super power. In addition to flying, my super powers were invisibility and speed. Like any heroine, I have a costume, I wear a yellow cloak because yellow is a symbol of security. I have a skirt and a black T-shirt with the letter D on it as Defly. The weapons I use are a shield and my super powers. I am fighting against my biggest enemies these are Evilman, Lex Luthor, Brainiac and many more.
Everyone wants to be a superhero, but you don't have to be a hero to help someone in danger. Be fair and help someone because it will come back to you well.

Corrections

Defly

My secret name is Defly, but you won't find out myour real name yet, I'm a world heroinehero of the world.

1. Note: the word 'heroine' isn't very popular in English nowadays. Using just "hero" for all genders is more normal.

2. Not sure what you meant by "world heroine" here, I just rephrased it.

As a little girl, I always wanted to become a heroine and help people.

That wish came true and now all the children know me byfor it.

"all the children" would means "every child from a certain group of children", compared to "all children", which would mean "children in general".

I was named afterMy name comes from the first three letters of the word „Defense“.

"My name is based off of ..." would also work.

My symbol signifieis a yellow triangle and inside of it is an exclamation point, thatwhich symbol signifises security.

Many children ask me how I became a heroine.

It happened overnight, I started to feel like something was going on with my body.

I woke up and I could fly.

I read various books and found out it was one abouta kind of super power.

In addition to flying, my super powers were invisibility and speed.

Like any heroine, I have a costume, Iand wear a yellow cloak because yellow is a symbol the colour of security.

1. Using "I" twice is unnecessary.

2. Your expression "yellow is a symbol of ..." wasn't wrong, I just suggested an alternate common expression.

I have a skirt and a black T-shirt with the letter D on it as, which stands for Defly.

The weapons I use are a shield and my super powers.

I am fighting against my biggest enemies these are, including the likes of Evilman, Lex Luthor, Brainiac, and many more.

1. "fight" in the simple present fits better, because you're talking about something you do regularly.

2. Added a phrase which fit the context.

Everyone wants to be a superhero, but you don't have to be a hero to help someone in danger.

Be fair and help someone because it will come back toserve you well.

"help someone because good comes around" is another option.

Feedback

Overall, well-written, but unfortunately, quite a few expression mistakes. No problem at all, it's good to learn from mistakes :)

dubrakva's avatar
dubrakva

Dec. 18, 2021

0

My secret name is Defly, but you won't find out myour real name yet, I'm a world heroinehero of the world.

I understand now, it sound better. So, English. Hero. But, unfortunately, also so chauvinistic.

dubrakva's avatar
dubrakva

Dec. 18, 2021

0

Thank you so much for your detailed corrections. Thanks for taking your time.

Defly

My secret name is Defly, you won't find out myour real name yet,. I'm a world heroine.

As a little girl, I always wanted to become a heroine and help people.

That wish came true and now all the children know me byecause of it.

I was named after the first three letters of the word "Defense“.

Cool super hero name! I like that it also sounds a bit like deftly, which implies she is very competent.

My symbol signifieis a yellow triangle and inside iswith an exclamation point, that symbol inside, which signifies security.

Many children ask me how I became a heroine.

It happened overnight,. I started to feel like something was going on with my body, then I woke up and I could fly.

I woke up and I could fly.

I read various books and found out it was one abouta super power.

Or "I read various books and found one about super powers."

In addition to flying, my super powers were invisibility and speed.

Like any heroine, I have a costume,. I wear a yellow cloak because yellow is a symbol of security.

I have a skirt and a black T-shirt with the letter D on it asfor Defly.

The weapons I use are a shield and my super powers.

I am fighting against my biggest enemies these are: Evilman, Lex Luthor, Brainiac and many more.

Everyone wants to be a superhero, but you don't have to be a hero to help someone in danger.

Be fair and help someone because it will come back around to you well.

Feedback

Heroine is correct for a female hero, but it would also be natural to just say "hero."

Thank you for sharing this creative character!

dubrakva's avatar
dubrakva

Dec. 18, 2021

0

Thank you for taking your time!

dubrakva's avatar
dubrakva

Dec. 18, 2021

0

I read various books and found out it was one abouta super power.

Or maybe
I read various books and found out I got superpowers:

Bethany's avatar
Bethany

Dec. 18, 2021

0

Yeah, that works.

Bethany's avatar
Bethany

Dec. 18, 2021

0

Except maybe “found out I had superpowers.”

dubrakva's avatar
dubrakva

Dec. 18, 2021

0

Right, had is better. Thanks

Defly


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

My secret name is Defly, you won't find out your real name yet, I'm a world heroine.


My secret name is Defly, you won't find out myour real name yet,. I'm a world heroine.

My secret name is Defly, but you won't find out myour real name yet, I'm a world heroinehero of the world.

1. Note: the word 'heroine' isn't very popular in English nowadays. Using just "hero" for all genders is more normal. 2. Not sure what you meant by "world heroine" here, I just rephrased it.

As a little girl, I always wanted to become a heroine and help people.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

That wish came true and now all the children know me by it.


That wish came true and now all the children know me byecause of it.

That wish came true and now all the children know me byfor it.

"all the children" would means "every child from a certain group of children", compared to "all children", which would mean "children in general".

I was named after the first three letters of the word „Defense“.


I was named after the first three letters of the word "Defense“.

Cool super hero name! I like that it also sounds a bit like deftly, which implies she is very competent.

I was named afterMy name comes from the first three letters of the word „Defense“.

"My name is based off of ..." would also work.

My symbol signifies a yellow triangle and inside is an exclamation point, that symbol signifies security.


My symbol signifieis a yellow triangle and inside iswith an exclamation point, that symbol inside, which signifies security.

My symbol signifieis a yellow triangle and inside of it is an exclamation point, thatwhich symbol signifises security.

Many children ask me how I became a heroine.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It happened overnight, I started to feel like something was going on with my body.


It happened overnight,. I started to feel like something was going on with my body, then I woke up and I could fly.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I woke up and I could fly.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I read various books and found out it was one about super power.


I read various books and found out it was one abouta super power.

Or "I read various books and found one about super powers."

I read various books and found out it was one abouta kind of super power.

In addition to flying, my super powers were invisibility and speed.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Like any heroine, I have a costume, I wear a yellow cloak because yellow is a symbol of security.


Like any heroine, I have a costume,. I wear a yellow cloak because yellow is a symbol of security.

Like any heroine, I have a costume, Iand wear a yellow cloak because yellow is a symbol the colour of security.

1. Using "I" twice is unnecessary. 2. Your expression "yellow is a symbol of ..." wasn't wrong, I just suggested an alternate common expression.

I have a skirt and a black T-shirt with the letter D on it as Defly.


I have a skirt and a black T-shirt with the letter D on it asfor Defly.

I have a skirt and a black T-shirt with the letter D on it as, which stands for Defly.

The weapons I use are a shield and my super powers.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I am fighting against my biggest enemies these are Evilman, Lex Luthor, Brainiac and many more.


I am fighting against my biggest enemies these are: Evilman, Lex Luthor, Brainiac and many more.

I am fighting against my biggest enemies these are, including the likes of Evilman, Lex Luthor, Brainiac, and many more.

1. "fight" in the simple present fits better, because you're talking about something you do regularly. 2. Added a phrase which fit the context.

Everyone wants to be a superhero, but you don't have to be a hero to help someone in danger.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Be fair and help someone because it will come back to you well.


Be fair and help someone because it will come back around to you well.

Be fair and help someone because it will come back toserve you well.

"help someone because good comes around" is another option.

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