Feb. 3, 2024
Day trip (38)
I would be happy if you could change whole sentences to sound more natural.
Today, I'm going to a day trip that is organized by my town.
I think about 30 people will join it.
We are supposed to visit a bread factory and try to bake some bread and then, go shopping.
Have a good day!
自然に聞こえるように文章全部を変えてもらえたら嬉しいです。
今日、私の町の主催する遠足に参加する予定です。
たぶん30人くらいの人が参加すると思います。
パン工場に行って、パン作りを体験して、その後ショッピングに行くことになっています。
行ってきまーす。
I would be happyappreciate it if you could change whole sentences toso that they sound more natural.
Today, I'm going ton a day trip that is organized by my town.
I think about 30 people will join it.
We are supposed to visit a bread factory and try towhere we'll bake some bread and then, go shopping.
Have a good day!
Feb. 5, 2024
Thank you so much as always!
Day trip
It would be happymuch appreciated if you could change whole sentences to make them sound more natural.
Today, I'm going ton a day trip that is organized by my town.
I think about 30 people will join itare coming.
We are supposedplanning to visit a bread factory andto try toand bake some bread, and then, go shopping afterwards.
Have a good day!
Feedback
Your original English was almost all correct. I just changed them to sound more natural/colloquial like you asked. Great job!
Feb. 4, 2024
Thank you so much for your collection! I appreciate giving me lots of corrections!
I would be happyappreciate if you could change whole sentences to sound more natural. Thank you.
Technically, I think the "could" here should be "would" because it's not a question of our capability to do so but willingness... but it's subtle. Sometimes we use "could" in order just to not sound demanding.
Today, I'm going ton a day trip that is organized by my town.
I think abroutnd 30 people will join itattend.
We are supposed toThe itinerary includes visiting a bread factory and, trying to bake some bread, and then, go some shopping.
I think the last item should be where "visiting ___ for shopping" instead of just "go shopping" because while the organizers can take you to a bread factory and have you make bread, I don't think they can make you purchase anything so it feels out of place to me here.
This also seems like it'd match the Japanese version better ("ショッピングに行く" often translates to "going to <place> for shopping), but whereas in the Japanese version you can omit the <place>, you can't in English.
Feedback
Enjoy the trip!
Feb. 3, 2024
> This actually sounds weird but it's hard to describe while "whole sentences" is out of place
Yeah, I felt that too but struggled to think of how better to write it. I think it's just somehow too much information in one sentence for English.
Feb. 4, 2024
Thank you so much for your correction and explanation!
Yes, I should've written something like "and then, we visite a farmers market for shopping.
Day tTrip
I would be happy if you could help me sound more natural - even if you have to change whole sentences to sound more natural.
This actually sounds weird but it's hard to describe while "whole sentences" is out of place, it's like たとえ is needed. To keep this phrase.
Today, I'm going to a day trip that is organized by my townon a trip my town organized.
We don't have to start every sentence with the time context in English. Passive voice is not necessary, either.
I think about 30 people will be join iting us.
joining a trip sounds wrong for some reason, you can "join in on the adventure" and you can "join a tour group" though.
Feedback
Have a good trip!
Feb. 3, 2024
> This actually sounds weird but it's hard to describe while "whole sentences" is out of place
Yeah, I felt that too but struggled to think of how better to write it. I think it's just somehow too much information in one sentence for English.
Feb. 4, 2024
The problem isn't English so much as trying to write beyond one's ability. I think most of us who are well read in our native languages have this problem trying to write beyond our current abilities in a second (or nth) language.
https://irisreading.com/exceptionally-long-sentences-literature-why-they-work/
There are plenty of excellent and exceptionally long sentences in English literature but someone writing at this level probably should stick to shorter sentences and phrases and slowly work out when they want to put in the effort to express longer thoughts as single sentences because the time and place for that is usually only when you have the opportunity to be very clear about what you're expressing.
There's a lot from this I need to apply in my own writing for sure; namely, figuring out when to go all in on a longer construction and work it out vs when to just convey information briskly and hope that the nuance wasn't important.
Feb. 4, 2024
Thank you so much for your correction and explaining a lot. I think I understand a little bit.
I think I should write shorter sentences. Is that correct?
I understand the phrase "whole sentences" is out of place. I learned "out of place" from your comment. Thank you! Good phrase!
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I would be happy if you could change whole sentences to sound more natural. I would be happy if you could help me sound more natural - even if you have to change whole sentences This actually sounds weird but it's hard to describe while "whole sentences" is out of place, it's like たとえ is needed. To keep this phrase. I would Technically, I think the "could" here should be "would" because it's not a question of our capability to do so but willingness... but it's subtle. Sometimes we use "could" in order just to not sound demanding. It would be I would |
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Today, I'm going to a day trip that is organized by my town. Today We don't have to start every sentence with the time context in English. Passive voice is not necessary, either. Today, I'm going Today, I'm going Today, I'm going |
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I think about 30 people will join it. I think about 30 people will be join joining a trip sounds wrong for some reason, you can "join in on the adventure" and you can "join a tour group" though. I think a I think about 30 people I think about 30 people will join |
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We are supposed to visit a bread factory and try to bake some bread and then, go shopping.
I think the last item should be where "visiting ___ for shopping" instead of just "go shopping" because while the organizers can take you to a bread factory and have you make bread, I don't think they can make you purchase anything so it feels out of place to me here. This also seems like it'd match the Japanese version better ("ショッピングに行く" often translates to "going to <place> for shopping), but whereas in the Japanese version you can omit the <place>, you can't in English. We are We are supposed to visit a bread factory |
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Have a good day! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Day trip Day This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Day trip (38) |
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