July 28, 2020
When asked about their most cherished dream, many people always reply that they want to travel the world, see different cultures, and have adventures. However, only a few accomplish this dream. Some would excuse themselves saying that life got in the way; either in the form of marriage, children, or a job and that because of that they had to put their dream aside. Others would blame their lack of money, and others would say that they didn’t have the courage to chase their dream. Whatever is the reason, in many cases the dream of travel the world remains on the back burner for years until it is eventually forgotten. Nevertheless, there are other sorts of people, more of a dreamer than the rest. Who, driven by their ambition to broaden their horizons, at some point in their lives, decide to make a change and start over.
These cases are scarce, and because of that, they are also very inspiring for those who aspire to the same freedom. You can see them cycling around your city with their bikes fully equipped, either traveling accompanied but most probably on their own; or, in more extreme cases just wandering the world on foot. One of these cases is an Argentinian man in his 60s, who after grabbing a couple of items, set out to roam America by foot. He started in Patagonia and is actually on his way up to Alaska. What at the beginning was seen as madness ended up as a life lesson to all those who have followed his journey. An adventure that has been full of determination and also of the kindness from those who have helped this man along his way either with food, accommodation or with a simple ride. Another case I like is an Argentinian woman who began traveling when she was 22 and continued for the next ten years. During all that time she used to write a blog telling her experiences and thoughts. She would always emphasize how traveling had changed her as a person and would encourage other women to do the same; to leave their fears aside and travel on their own. Personally, traveling the world is not something that moves me, but what I do admire and would like to integrate into myself is the courage that these people have shown to go against the current and do whatever they want with their lives.
When asked about their most cherished dream, many people always reply that they want to travel the world, see different cultures, and have adventures.
"Many" feels chunky when used with "always".
However, only a few accomplish this dream.
Some would excuse themselves saying that life got in the way;, either in the form of marriage, children, or a job, and that because of that, they had to put their dream aside.
Just some comma corrections. Only use a semicolon when what follows is a complete sentence.
OthersSome would blame their lack of money, and others would say that they didn’t have the courage to chase their dream.
"Others would blame" and "others would say" sounds a little repetitive.
Whatever is the reason, in many cases the dream of traveling the world remains on the back burner for years until it is eventually forgotten.
"Whatever the reason" is a set phrase that doesn't need "is".
Nevertheless, there are other sorts of people, more of a dreamer than the rest, who, driven by their ambition to broaden their horizons, at some point in their lives decide to make a change and start over.
Who, driven by their ambition to broaden their horizons, at some point in their lives, decide to make a change and start over.
This isn't a complete sentence, so it should be attached to the prior.
You can see them cycling around your city with their bikes fully equipped, either traveling accompanied but most probabwith someone else but more likely on their own;, or, in more extreme cases just wandering the world on foot.
One of these cases is an Argentinian man in his 60s, who after grabbing a couple of items, set out to roam America by foot.
He started in Patagonia and is actually on his way up to Alaska.
What was seen at the beginning was seen as madness ended up as a life lesson to all those who have followed his journey.
This flows better.
AnHis adventure that has been full of determination and also of the kindness from those who have helped this man along his way, either with food, accommodation, or with a simple ride.
This wasn't a complete sentence, so I changed it to be one.
Another case I like is that of an Argentinian woman who began traveling when she was 22 and continued for the next ten years.
During all that time she used to write a blog telling her experiences and thoughts.
The "all" is unnecessary here.
She would always emphasize how traveling had changed her as a person and would encourage other women to do the same;: to leave their fears aside and travel on their own.
Because this is a statement of explanation, use a colon and not a semicolon. (When in doubt, a semicolon can usually replace a period. If it doesn't work grammatically to replace with a period, it's not the right place for a semicolon.)
Feedback
Well done! Good complex sentences. you're doing well!!
When asked about their most cherished dream, many people always reply that they want to travel the world, see different cultures, and lihave adventures.
However, only a few accomplish this dream.
It's technically correct how you originally wrote it, but more clear and concise when you shorten it
Some would excuse themselves saying that life got in the way; either, in the form of marriage, children, or a job, and that because of that they had to put their dream aside.
Don't use "would excuse" here because you are referring to something people actually do, not a hypothetical. Instead you can just say "some excuse themselves."
When using "either," you should only be looking at two things, "either blank or blank," so it doesn't work in a case like this where you have three things.
You only use a semicolon to divide a sentence when you have two related clauses. Each of these clauses needs to be able to exist as a sentence on its own. If you look at the clause after the semicolon by itself, it doesn't make sense, so you shouldn't use a semicolon here.
Others would blame their lack of money, and others would say that they didn’on't have the courage to chase their dream.
See comment before on why not to use "would"
Whatever is the reason, in many cases the dream of traveling the world remains on the back burner for years until it is eventually forgotten.
NHowevertheless, there are other sorts of people,people who are more of a dreamers than the rest.
WhoThese people, driven by their ambition to broaden their horizons, at some point in their lives, decide to make a change andor start over.
These cases are scarce, and because of that, they are also very inspiring for those who aspire to the same freedom.
You can seefind them cycling around your city with their bikes fully equipped, either traveling accompanied but most probab, usually on their own;, or, in more extreme cases just, wandering the world on foot.
I don't know what you mean by "with their bikes fully equipped." I think the sentence can be shortened a lot to make it more clear.
A semicolon also doesn't work here because the clause following the semicolon cannot exist by itself.
One of these casespeople is an Argentinian man in his 60s, who, after grabbing a couple of items, set out to roam America by foot.
He started in Patagonia and is actually on theirnow on his way up to Alaska.
You don't need the work "actually," it just bogs down the sentence.
Use "his" instead of "their" because there is only a single person and his gender was identified before in the sentence.
What at the beginning was seen as madness ended up as a life lesson to all those who have followed his journey.
AnThis man's adventure that has been full of determination and also of the kindness from those who have helped this man along their way either with food, accommodation, or with a simple ride.
This isn't a fully formed sentence. It is basically just a noun with a lot of descriptions. You write "an adventure" and then the rest of the sentence is just qualifiers on this noun. You need a verb that refers to the noun itself (yes, there are verbs in the sentence, but they are only to further qualify the original noun). You can fix this simply with, "This man's adventure has been full of determination..." Now, "the adventure" has been separated by the verb "has been" so the rest of the sentence is now in reference to this verb. Sorry if I'm not describing this well.
Another case I like, is an Argentinian woman, who began traveling when she was 22 and continued for the next ten years.
The commas are unnecessary.
During all that time she used to wriote a blog telldescribing her experiences and thoughts.
"she used to write" is basically "wrote," which is much more clear and simple. Concise language is usually best.
She would always emphasized how traveling had changed her as a person and would encouraged other women to do the same;, to leave their fears aside and travel on their own.
It's best to write in an active voice rather than a passive voice. In this case, you use a passive voice when you write "she would emphasize" or "had changed." You can make this an active voice by writing "she emphasized" and "changed."
Again, a semicolon doesn't work here because the clause after the semicolon cannot exist as a sentence on its own.
Personally, traveling the world is not something that moves me, but what I doI admire and would like to integrate into myself isdesire the courage that these people have shown to go against the current and do whatever they want with their lives.
This becomes a clearer sentence if you simplify it.
Feedback
Overall, this was a well written piece. I think where it stands to improve is in clarity. I recommend simplifying wordier sentences and replacing passages in passive voice with active voice. I'd also take a look at when to use semicolons. I know they are often misused by native English speakers in writing as well, so don't be disheartened.
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Day 27 - Globetrotters |
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When asked about their most cherished dream, many people always reply that they want to travel the world, see different cultures, and live adventures. When asked about their most cherished dream, many people |
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However, only a few accomplish this dream. However, It's technically correct how you originally wrote it, but more clear and concise when you shorten it This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Some would excuse themselves saying that life got in the way; either in the form of marriage, children, or a job and that because of that they had to put their dream aside. Some Don't use "would excuse" here because you are referring to something people actually do, not a hypothetical. Instead you can just say "some excuse themselves." When using "either," you should only be looking at two things, "either blank or blank," so it doesn't work in a case like this where you have three things. You only use a semicolon to divide a sentence when you have two related clauses. Each of these clauses needs to be able to exist as a sentence on its own. If you look at the clause after the semicolon by itself, it doesn't make sense, so you shouldn't use a semicolon here. Some would excuse themselves saying that life got in the way Just some comma corrections. Only use a semicolon when what follows is a complete sentence. |
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Others would blame their lack of money, and others would say that they didn’t have the courage to chase their dream. Others See comment before on why not to use "would"
"Others would blame" and "others would say" sounds a little repetitive. |
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Whatever is the reason, in many cases the dream of travel the world reminds on the back burner for years until it is eventually forgotten. |
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Nevertheless, there are other sorts of people, more of a dreamer than the rest.
Nevertheless, there are other sorts of people, more of a dreamer than the rest, who, driven by their ambition to broaden their horizons, at some point in their lives decide to make a change and start over. |
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Who, driven by their ambition to broaden their horizons, at some point in their lives, decide to make a change and start over.
This isn't a complete sentence, so it should be attached to the prior. |
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These cases are scarce, and because of that, they are also very inspiring for those who aspire to the same freedom. These cases are scarce, and because of that |
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You can see them cycling around your city with their bikes fully equipped, either traveling accompanied but most probably on their own; or, in more extreme cases just wandering the world on foot. You can I don't know what you mean by "with their bikes fully equipped." I think the sentence can be shortened a lot to make it more clear. A semicolon also doesn't work here because the clause following the semicolon cannot exist by itself. You can see them cycling around your city with their bikes fully equipped, either traveling |
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One of these cases is an Argentinian man in his 60s, who after grabbing a couple of items, set out to roam America by foot. One of these This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He started in Patagonia and is actually on their way up to Alaska. He started in Patagonia and is You don't need the work "actually," it just bogs down the sentence. Use "his" instead of "their" because there is only a single person and his gender was identified before in the sentence. |
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What at the beginning was seen as madness ended up as a life lesson to all those who have followed his journey. This sentence has been marked as perfect! What was seen at the beginning This flows better. |
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An adventure that has been full of determination and also of the kindness from those who have helped this man along their way either with food, accommodation or with a simple hitchhike. |
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Another case I like is an Argentinian woman, who began traveling when she was 22 and continued for the next ten years. |
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During all that time she used to write a blog telling her experiences and thoughts. During "she used to write" is basically "wrote," which is much more clear and simple. Concise language is usually best. During The "all" is unnecessary here. |
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She would always emphasize how traveling had changed her as a person and would encourage other women to do the same; to leave their fears aside and travel on their own. She It's best to write in an active voice rather than a passive voice. In this case, you use a passive voice when you write "she would emphasize" or "had changed." You can make this an active voice by writing "she emphasized" and "changed." Again, a semicolon doesn't work here because the clause after the semicolon cannot exist as a sentence on its own. She would always emphasize how traveling had changed her as a person and would encourage other women to do the same Because this is a statement of explanation, use a colon and not a semicolon. (When in doubt, a semicolon can usually replace a period. If it doesn't work grammatically to replace with a period, it's not the right place for a semicolon.) |
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Personally, traveling the world is not something that moves me, but what I do admire and would like to integrate into myself is the courage that these people have shown to go against the current and do whatever they want with their lives. Personally, traveling the world is not something that moves me, but This becomes a clearer sentence if you simplify it. |
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Whatever is the reason, in many cases the dream of travel the world remains on the back burner for years until it is eventually forgotten. Whatever Whatever "Whatever the reason" is a set phrase that doesn't need "is". |
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An adventure that has been full of determination and also of the kindness from those who have helped this man along their way either with food, accommodation or with a simple ride.
This isn't a fully formed sentence. It is basically just a noun with a lot of descriptions. You write "an adventure" and then the rest of the sentence is just qualifiers on this noun. You need a verb that refers to the noun itself (yes, there are verbs in the sentence, but they are only to further qualify the original noun). You can fix this simply with, "This man's adventure has been full of determination..." Now, "the adventure" has been separated by the verb "has been" so the rest of the sentence is now in reference to this verb. Sorry if I'm not describing this well. |
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Another case I like, is an Argentinian woman, who began traveling when she was 22 and continued for the next ten years. Another case I like The commas are unnecessary. |
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He started in Patagonia and is actually on his way up to Alaska. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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An adventure that has been full of determination and also of the kindness from those who have helped this man along his way either with food, accommodation or with a simple ride.
This wasn't a complete sentence, so I changed it to be one. |
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Another case I like is an Argentinian woman who began traveling when she was 22 and continued for the next ten years. Another case I like is that of an Argentinian woman who began traveling when she was 22 and continued for the next ten years. |
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When asked about their most cherished dream, many people always reply that they want to travel the world, see different cultures, and have adventures. When asked about their most cherished dream, many people "Many" feels chunky when used with "always". |
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