"MTo me, "making it'" means for me that somsethting was veryan important to you, you set a goal in accordancegoal that aligns with your spiritual nature, and youself, and actually achieveding it.

<<"Making it" means for me>> is incorrect. We don' say "means for me", its always "means to me". A more natural way to express this is: To me, "Making it" means that... is more natural. For the second half, "in accordance" sounds very official/formal. You can say <<You set a goal aligned with your spiritual nature and achieved it.>>

At the same time, your achievement may not be valued by the common, widespreadconform to the common notions of success.

common, widespread (means the same thing as common, maybe avoid). Instead of <<valued by>>, may not conform to widespread notions of success sounds more natural.

For example, I know of cases where people left high-paying jobs to pursue creative work for very little money.

People around them would twirl their fingers at their temples (or: 'thoughthink they were crazy') about such for making a decision like that.

Twirl their fingers at their temples is not really an expression I've heard commonly used, it's very literal

For those onlookers, financial success was something highly desirable and unattainablesaught after.

Original was also maybe fine

But the person themselvesf finally felt happiness and theld confidence that there wasy had made the right choice.

The main thingWhat really matters is what you yourself think aboutof your own achievements, and how those achievements align with your purpose.

"The main thing is" is kind of casual, maybe avoid in an essay

When you live in accordance with your true nature, with an understanding of the inner truth of your soul, you stop depending on external judgments.

In accordance thing again but it sounds better here

And even a small steps towards a goal that is important to you areis perceived as a success.

The original is also fine

"Made it" means to build your life in such a way such that the external (actions, work, life) no longer contradicts the internal (values, nature, the truth of the soul).

The external is one thing hence the s

This is a state in which you no longer needcrave the applause of the crowd, because the main applause resounds inside you.

Minor improvement in vocab selection

What is yYour Definition of " Made it"?

"Making it'" means for me that something was very important to you, you set a goal in accordance with your spiritual nature, and you achieved it.

At the same timeHowever, your achievement may not be valued by the common, widespread notions of success.

Grammatically correct, but I think "however" is better for emphasizing contrast with the last sentence.

But the personople themselves finally felt happiness and the confidence that there wasy made the right choice.

"Person" is singular. If you want to keep it this way, I would change "themselves" to "themself", and the "they" will become singular rather than plural. "But the person themself finally felt happiness and the confidence that they made the right choice."

There may be a few people who will try to say that this is incorrect. Regardless, singular 'they' has only gotten more and more popular and accepted in recent years.