Jan. 22, 2024
(D8) – The Use of social media in schools
My topic today is social media culture, particularly in schools.
A few days ago, the school sent me an email to inform me that, if I wanted my child to participate in the annual concert, I had to allow him to be posted on social media. Otherwise, my son wouldn’t be able to participate in this activity. I must add that my son had been chosen to give a small speech to present at this concert, for which he had been preparing for several weeks then.
Regardless of how this turns out, I believe that schools should know better than to impose this social media exposition. From my point of view, I don’t see any benefits for kids and a lot of risks. Firstly, once a post is made, control over it is lost forever. Secondly, schools should impart education on social media aimed at not only students but also parents.
In conclusion, as a society, we still need to take a step forward to ensure safety and security when using these tools. While they are amazing for communication, their inherent risks shouldn’t be overlooked.
(D8) – The Use of sSocial mMedia in sSchools
I think you want to use all caps or no caps.
My topic today is social media culture, particularly in schools.
Regardless of how this turns out, I believe that schools should know better than to imposrequire this social media expositionure.
I don't know if you can impose an exposition. It sounds a bit wrong.
From my point of view, I don’t see any benefits for kids andbut I do see a lot of risks.
Firstly, once a post is made, control over it is lost forever.
This can expressed a couple of ways but this is a very good point.
Secondly, schools should impart education on social media aimed at not only students but also parents.
I'm not sure this is fits in like with the risk/benefit approach. Schools should help educate parents but I'm not sure it's what you need to say in this part of the argument.
In conclusion, as a society, we still need to take a step forward to ensure safety and security when using these tools.
Taking a step forward requires being behind, which is a slightly different argument than what you're making about the need to allow kids to choose not to be on social media.
While they are amazing forI applaud this being communicationed, their inherent risks shouldn’t beare perhaps being overlooked.
Feedback
This is grammatically and structurally at the point of critiquing it on the basis of its arguments and substance instead of on it's strictly English content. The refinements you're looking to make at this point are mostly on phrase choice or structure within a paragraph.
None of the ideas or even sentences are bad but it feels a little bit disconnected by the way that it leans into sort of basic essay writing patterns. For example, nobody writes Firstly/Secondly, etc.
Jan. 25, 2024
Thank you so much!!
(D8) – The Use of social media in schools
My topic today is social media culture, particularly in schools.
A few days ago, the school sent me an email to inform me that, if I wanted my child to participate in the annual concert, I had to allow him to be posted on social media.
Otherwise, my son wouldn’t be able to participate in this activity.
I must add that my son had been chosen to give a small speech to present at this concert, for which he had been preparing for several weeks then.
Regardless of how this turns out, I believe that schools should know better than to impose this kind of social media expositionure.
From my point of view, I don’t see any benefits for kids and, but I see a lot of risks.
Firstly, once a post is made, control over it is lost forever.
Secondly, schools should impart education on social media aimed at not only students but also parents.
In conclusion, as a society, we still need to take a step forward to ensure safety and security when using these tools.
While they are amazing for communication, their inherent risks shouldn’t be overlooked.
Feedback
Your English is probably better than many natives'.
Jan. 25, 2024
Thank you so much!!
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Firstly, once a post is made, control over it is lost forever. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Firstly, once a post is made, control over it is lost forever. This can expressed a couple of ways but this is a very good point. |
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Secondly, schools should impart education on social media aimed at not only students but also parents. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Secondly, schools should impart education on social media aimed at not only students but also parents. I'm not sure this is fits in like with the risk/benefit approach. Schools should help educate parents but I'm not sure it's what you need to say in this part of the argument. |
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In conclusion, as a society, we still need to take a step forward to ensure safety and security when using these tools. This sentence has been marked as perfect! In conclusion, as a society, we still need to take a step forward to ensure safety and security when using these tools. Taking a step forward requires being behind, which is a slightly different argument than what you're making about the need to allow kids to choose not to be on social media. |
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While they are amazing for communication, their inherent risks shouldn’t be overlooked. This sentence has been marked as perfect! While |
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(D8) – The Use of social media in schools This sentence has been marked as perfect! (D8) – The Use of I think you want to use all caps or no caps. |
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My topic today is social media culture, particularly in schools. This sentence has been marked as perfect! My topic today is social media culture, particularly in schools. |
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A few days ago, the school sent me an email to inform me that, if I wanted my child to participate in the annual concert, I had to allow him to be posted on social media. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Otherwise, my son wouldn’t be able to participate in this activity. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I must add that my son had been chosen to give a small speech to present at this concert, for which he had been preparing for several weeks then. I must add that my son had been chosen to give a small speech to present at this concert, for which he had been preparing for several weeks |
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Regardless of how this turns out, I believe that schools should know better than to impose this social media exposition. Regardless of how this turns out, I believe that schools should know better than to impose this kind of social media expos Regardless of how this turns out, I believe that schools should know better than to I don't know if you can impose an exposition. It sounds a bit wrong. |
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From my point of view, I don’t see any benefits for kids and a lot of risks. From my point of view, I don’t see any benefits for kids From my point of view, I don’t see any benefits |
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