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Hagrid and Hogwarts's Magical Beasts
Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most day. The castle is asleep, and the magical creatures are just starting to wake up and move around. He puts on his heavy boots and his long coat. Fang, his loyal dog, wakes up right away and jumps off the bed. They went outside together onto the wet grass. His first stop is near the Forbidden Forest. Soon, he hears a soft and sad sound. It was a young unicorn, one of its legs is hurt. Hagrid cleans the wound with care and wraps it with a clean bandage. After helping the unicorn, Hagrid walks down to the lake. There, he met a squid friend, he laughs, talks to it, and throws it some food. Next, Hagrid walks over the pumpkin patch. There, he finds a small green dragon hiding between the vines. He gently picks it up, checks it safe, and move it to a better place far away from the pumpkins. Finally, Hagrid walks toward the stables. There, he cleans the Hippogriffs' sore spot and warps it gently so it can heal. The creatures are safe and a new day at Hogwarts has truly begun.
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Hagrid and Hogwarts's Magical Beasts
Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most days. Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most days.
The castle is asleep, and the magical creatures are just starting to wake up and move around.
He puts on his heavy boots and his long coat.
Fang, his loyal dog, wakes up right away and jumps off the bed.
They wentgo outside together onto the wet grass.
They go outside together onto the wet grass.
Most of the tenses here are in present tense, like you're telling a story as it happens. It's best to try and stay consistent with tenses. So I've changed "went" to "go".
His first stop is near the Forbidden Forest.
Soon, he hears a soft and sad sound.
It was a young unicorn, one of its legs is hurt.
Hagrid cleans the wound with care and wraps it with a clean bandage.
After helping the unicorn, Hagrid walks down to the lake.
There, he met a squid friend, hets a friendly squid. He laughs, talks to it, and throws it some food.
There, he meets a friendly squid. He laughs, talks to it, and throws it some food.
"Squid friend" totally works, but I would probably say "friendly squid." A "friend" is often someone who the character already knows.
The latter part of this sentence works as well, though the use of the word "throw" here feels odd to me. It feels blunt, almost dehumanizing, to "throw" someone some food. I might instead say "toss", which feels a little gentler. "...and tosses it some food."
Next, Hagrid walks over the pumpkin patch.
There, he finds a small green dragon hiding between the vines.
He gently picks it up, checks it safef it's injured, and moves it to a better place far away from the pumpkins.
He gently picks it up, checks if it's injured, and moves it to a better place far away from the pumpkins.
"checks it safe" feels a bit strange. I think you mean he's checking if it's injured? You could also say that he "makes sure it's okay."
The word "safe" has more to do with risk concerning environment or activity than with physical health. Examples: "Are we safe here, or can the enemy find us?" "I don't think playing with that machine is safe!"
Finally, Hagrid walks toward the stables.
There, he cleans the Hippogriffs's sore spot and waraps it up gently so it can heal.
There, he cleans the Hippogriff's sore spot and wraps it up gently so it can heal.
"Warp" means either to bend or distort, or to teleport.
The creatures are safe and a new day at Hogwarts has truly begunins.
The creatures are safe and a new day at Hogwarts truly begins.
Feedback
Very well written overall! Hope this helps!
Hagrid and Hogwarts's Magical Beasts
Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most days. Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most days.
The castle is asleep, and the magical creatures are just starting to wake up and move around.
He puts on his heavy boots and his long coat.
Fang, his loyal dog, wakes up right away and jumps off the bed.
They went outside together onto the wet grass. They went outside together onto the wet grass.
The sentence is fine on its own. However, as part of your narrative, it would sound better as "go", since you are using the present tense already.
His first stop is near the Forbidden Forest.
Soon, he hears a soft and sad sound. Soon, he hears a soft and sad sound.
Also: "He hears a soft, sad sound.
It was a young unicorn, one of its legs is hurt.
Hagrid cleans the wound with care and wraps it with a clean bandage.
After helping the unicorn, Hagrid walks down to the lake.
There, he met a squid friend, he laughs, talks to it, and throws it some food. There, he met a squid friend, he laughs, talks to it, and throws it some food.
"Meets" fits better with your narrative here. The sentence is fine on its own, though.
Next, Hagrid walks over the pumpkin patch.
There, he finds a small green dragon hiding between the vines.
He gently picks it up, checks itf it is safe, and move it to a better place far away from the pumpkins.
He gently picks it up, checks if it is safe, and move it to a better place far away from the pumpkins.
Finally, Hagrid walks toward the stables.
There, he cleans the Hippogriffs's sore spot and waraps it gently so it can heal.
There, he cleans the Hippogriff's sore spot and wraps it gently so it can heal.
The creatures are safe and a new day at Hogwarts has truly begun.
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Hagrid and Hogwarts's Magical Beasts This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most day. Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most days. Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most days. Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most days. Hagrid wakes up before the sun rises, like he does most days. |
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The castle is asleep, and the magical creatures are just starting to wake up and move around. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He puts on his heavy boots and his long coat. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Fang, his loyal dog, wakes up right away and jumps off the bed. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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They went outside together onto the wet grass. They went outside together onto the wet grass. They went outside together onto the wet grass. The sentence is fine on its own. However, as part of your narrative, it would sound better as "go", since you are using the present tense already.
They Most of the tenses here are in present tense, like you're telling a story as it happens. It's best to try and stay consistent with tenses. So I've changed "went" to "go". |
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His first stop is near the Forbidden Forest. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Soon, he hears a soft and sad sound. Soon, he hears a soft and sad sound. Soon, he hears a soft and sad sound. Also: "He hears a soft, sad sound. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It was a young unicorn, one of its legs is hurt. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Hagrid cleans the wound with care and wraps it with a clean bandage. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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After helping the unicorn, Hagrid walks down to the lake. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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There, he met a squid friend, he laughs, talks to it, and throws it some food. There, he met a squid friend, he laughs, talks to it, and throws it some food. There, he met a squid friend, he laughs, talks to it, and throws it some food. "Meets" fits better with your narrative here. The sentence is fine on its own, though.
There, he me "Squid friend" totally works, but I would probably say "friendly squid." A "friend" is often someone who the character already knows. The latter part of this sentence works as well, though the use of the word "throw" here feels odd to me. It feels blunt, almost dehumanizing, to "throw" someone some food. I might instead say "toss", which feels a little gentler. "...and tosses it some food." |
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Next, Hagrid walks over the pumpkin patch. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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There, he finds a small green dragon hiding between the vines. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He gently picks it up, checks it safe, and move it to a better place far away from the pumpkins.
He gently picks it up, checks i
He gently picks it up, checks i "checks it safe" feels a bit strange. I think you mean he's checking if it's injured? You could also say that he "makes sure it's okay." The word "safe" has more to do with risk concerning environment or activity than with physical health. Examples: "Are we safe here, or can the enemy find us?" "I don't think playing with that machine is safe!" |
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Finally, Hagrid walks toward the stables. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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There, he cleans the Hippogriffs' sore spot and warps it gently so it can heal.
There, he cleans the Hippogriff
There, he cleans the Hippogriff "Warp" means either to bend or distort, or to teleport. |
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The creatures are safe and a new day at Hogwarts has truly begun. This sentence has been marked as perfect!
The creatures are safe and a new day at Hogwarts |
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