SanHang's avatar
SanHang

Aug. 22, 2020

0
Cost vs. the Danger of the Climate Change

While the ideas of mitigating the effects of climate change are widespread in rich countries, the manufacturing industries are starting to confront gradually strict environmental requirements from inspectors, avoiding the spotlight and attention from the social media, ignoring protestors’ blaming, and seeking a new road to resile this severe situation. To every astute industrial factory, the health of their cash flow is, for the most part, more powerful than the rhetoric of climate change propaganda. For an example of the leading factory in the 21st century, look no further than the Fuyao glass industry of Cao DeWang, which built a factory in Ohio. Cao and his factory stand out because they have to soar the local average income, reviving the indigenous economy, and growing the employment rate that Ohio’s politicians are happy to see and woo vote. And, they bargained for huge perks and a quid pro quo from Ohio’s politicians. At the same time, the local politicians had entirely disregarded the pollution of exhausted emission and sewage disposal from Cao’s factory, and have benefitted from the increased tax income, forging the win-win situation from this cooperation. When the government collaborates with the private sector and makes acquiescences, an invisible and stable consensus has been building, the motivation of environmental movement will undermine.


PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! leave some suggestions for my writing. I am very very very your feedback to improve my writing. thank you very much

Corrections

While the ideas of mitigating the effects of climate change areis widespread in rich countries, the manufacturing industries arey is starting to confront gradually confront strict environmental requirements from inspectors, while avoiding the spotlight and attention from the social media, ignoring protestors’ blaming, and seeking a new road to resilolve this severe situation.

I think this might be more comfortable to read if broken into smaller sentences.

To every astute industrial factory owner, the health of their cash flow is, for the most part, more powerful than the rhetoric of climate change propaganda.

"astute" is a trait usually attributed to people rather than things like factories

For an example of thea leading factory in the 21st century, look no further than the Fuyao gGlass iIndustry of Cao DeWang, which built a factory in Ohio.

Cao and his factory stand out because they have to soarboosted the local average income, reviving the indigenous economy, and growing the employment rate that Ohio’s politicians are happy to see, which keeps happy and woos votes for Ohio’s politicians.

And, theyThey also bargained for huge perks and a quid pro quo from Ohio’s politicians.

At the same time, the local politicians had entirely disregarded the pollution of exhausted emission and sewage disposal from Cao’s factory, and have benefitted from the increased tax income, forging the win-win situation from this cooperation.

Exhaust is waste gas, exhausted means used up

When the government collaborates with the private sector and makes acquiescences, an invisible and stable consensus has been buildis formed, undermining, the motivation of environmental movement will undermine.

Feedback

Thank you for teaching me about Fuyao Group. I think it is a delicate balance between what we need to do for the present and the future.

SanHang's avatar
SanHang

Aug. 23, 2020

0

could you give any suggestions for my writing? please

atsui's avatar
atsui

Aug. 23, 2020

0

I think it's a good exercise to rewrite the things you write. Writing every day helps. Have fun.

atsui's avatar
atsui

Aug. 23, 2020

0

Also reading more helps. Reading helps you recognize more patterns for how to write your sentences.

SanHang's avatar
SanHang

Aug. 23, 2020

0

thank your corrections and feedback :D Do you have any book you recommand? thank you

atsui's avatar
atsui

Aug. 23, 2020

0

It depends on your writing goal but maybe this book can help you (but it may be expensive...)

The Sense of Structure: Writing from the Reader's Perspective - George Gopen

SanHang's avatar
SanHang

Aug. 23, 2020

0

got it
thank you :D

While the ideas of mitigating the effects of climate change are widespread in rich countries, the manufacturing industries are starting to confront gradually confront strict environmental requirements from inspectors,. They're avoiding the spotlight and attention from the social media, ignoring blame from protestors’ blaming, and seeking a new road to resilest this severe situation.

To every astute industrial factory owner, the health of their cash flow is, for the most part, more powerful than the rhetoric of climate change propaganda.

It's better to say "factory owner" rather than just factory. After all, the factory can't really think for itself.

Also, the word "propaganda" is usually used for when someone is promoting fake information. In this case, it sounds like you're saying that climate change is fake, and the people who are saying it's real are using propoganda to lie. "Activism" might be a better word here.

For an example of thea leading factory in the 21st century, look no further than the Fuyao glass industry of Cao DeWang, which built a factory in Ohio.

Cao and his factory stand out because they have to soarcaused the local average income to soar, revivinged the indigenous economy, and growingn the employment rate that, which Ohio’s politicians are happy to see, and use to woo voters.

"Woo" is used to talk about winning the favour of people, not objects. You can't really woo votes, but you can woo the people who vote. I suppose you could woo animals too maybe?

And, theyThey also bargained for huge perks and a quid pro quo from Ohio’s politicians.

You don't usually start a sentence with the word "and". You might see it sometimes in casual speech though

At the same time, the local politicians had entirely disregarded the pollution of exhausted emission and sewage disposal from Cao’s factory, and have benefitted from the increased tax income, forging thea win-win situation from this cooperation.

You can use "pollution" or "emissions" here, but you don't really need both.

When the government collaborates with the private sector and makes acquiescences, an invisible and stable consensus hais been building, the motivationuilt, and the goals of environmental movements will be undermined.

I think a word like "goals" or "objectives" fits better than "motivation".

Feedback

Overall, very good. You're using some quite complicated vocabulary, which fits the important topic you're writing about

SanHang's avatar
SanHang

Aug. 23, 2020

0

Do you have any suggestions for me to improve my writing? please ~
and thank your corrections.

Cost vs. the Danger of the Climate Change

While the ideas of mitigating the effects of climate change areis widespread in rich countries, the manufacturing industries arey is gradually starting to confront gradually strict environmental requirements from inspectors, while avoiding the spotlight and attention from the social media, ignoring protestors’ blamingaccusations, and seeking a new road to resilolve this severe situation.

To every astute industrial factory, the health of their cash flow is, for the most part, more powerful than the rhetoric of climate change propaganda.

For an example of thea leading factory in the 21st century, look no further than the Fuyao gGlass iIndustry of Cao DeWang, which built a factory in Ohio.

If I'm not mistaken, the phrase "Fuyao Glass Industry" is the name of the company, in which case it should be capitalized like this.

Cao and his factory stand out because they have to soarcaused the local average income to soar, reviving the indigenouregion's economy, and growincreasing the employment rate that, which Ohio’s politicians awere happy to see and wooused to attract votes.

"Indigenous" refers to living things. "Growing" when used as a transitive verb also usually refers to living things, such as growing a plant or a beard.

And, theydditionally, the factory's owners bargained for huge perks and a quid pro quo from Ohio’s politicians.

It's not immediately clear what "they" refers to, so I guessed the factory owners. Feel free to change if there is a better way to express what you meant by "they."

At the same time, the local politicians had entirely disregarded the air pollution of exhausted emission and sewage disposal from Cao’s factory, and have benefitted from the increased tax income, forging thea win-win situation from this cooperation.

I'm not sure what "exhausted emission" referred to, so I am assuming it is some type of air pollution.

When the government collaborates with the private sector and makes acquiescences, an invisible and stable consensus has been buildbuilds, undermining, the motivation ofefforts of the environmental movement will undermine.

Feedback

Nicely done! I'm impressed by the advanced vocabulary and elaborate sentence structures.

SanHang's avatar
SanHang

Aug. 23, 2020

0

thank your feedback
Do you have any suggestions for me to improve my writing? please ~

Cost vs. the Danger of the Climate Change


Cost vs. the Danger of the Climate Change

While the ideas of mitigating the effects of climate change are widespread in rich countries, the manufacturing industries are starting to confront gradually strict environmental requirements from inspectors, avoiding the spotlight and attention from the social media, ignoring protestors’ blaming, and seeking a new road to resile this severe situation.


While the ideas of mitigating the effects of climate change areis widespread in rich countries, the manufacturing industries arey is gradually starting to confront gradually strict environmental requirements from inspectors, while avoiding the spotlight and attention from the social media, ignoring protestors’ blamingaccusations, and seeking a new road to resilolve this severe situation.

While the ideas of mitigating the effects of climate change are widespread in rich countries, the manufacturing industries are starting to confront gradually confront strict environmental requirements from inspectors,. They're avoiding the spotlight and attention from the social media, ignoring blame from protestors’ blaming, and seeking a new road to resilest this severe situation.

While the ideas of mitigating the effects of climate change areis widespread in rich countries, the manufacturing industries arey is starting to confront gradually confront strict environmental requirements from inspectors, while avoiding the spotlight and attention from the social media, ignoring protestors’ blaming, and seeking a new road to resilolve this severe situation.

I think this might be more comfortable to read if broken into smaller sentences.

To every astute industrial factory, the health of their cash flow is, for the most part, more powerful than the rhetoric of climate change propaganda.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

To every astute industrial factory owner, the health of their cash flow is, for the most part, more powerful than the rhetoric of climate change propaganda.

It's better to say "factory owner" rather than just factory. After all, the factory can't really think for itself. Also, the word "propaganda" is usually used for when someone is promoting fake information. In this case, it sounds like you're saying that climate change is fake, and the people who are saying it's real are using propoganda to lie. "Activism" might be a better word here.

To every astute industrial factory owner, the health of their cash flow is, for the most part, more powerful than the rhetoric of climate change propaganda.

"astute" is a trait usually attributed to people rather than things like factories

For an example of the leading factory in the 21st century, look no further than the Fuyao glass industry of Cao DeWang, which built a factory in Ohio.


For an example of thea leading factory in the 21st century, look no further than the Fuyao gGlass iIndustry of Cao DeWang, which built a factory in Ohio.

If I'm not mistaken, the phrase "Fuyao Glass Industry" is the name of the company, in which case it should be capitalized like this.

For an example of thea leading factory in the 21st century, look no further than the Fuyao glass industry of Cao DeWang, which built a factory in Ohio.

For an example of thea leading factory in the 21st century, look no further than the Fuyao gGlass iIndustry of Cao DeWang, which built a factory in Ohio.

Cao and his factory stand out because they have to soar the local average income, reviving the indigenous economy, and growing the employment rate that Ohio’s politicians are happy to see and woo vote.


Cao and his factory stand out because they have to soarcaused the local average income to soar, reviving the indigenouregion's economy, and growincreasing the employment rate that, which Ohio’s politicians awere happy to see and wooused to attract votes.

"Indigenous" refers to living things. "Growing" when used as a transitive verb also usually refers to living things, such as growing a plant or a beard.

Cao and his factory stand out because they have to soarcaused the local average income to soar, revivinged the indigenous economy, and growingn the employment rate that, which Ohio’s politicians are happy to see, and use to woo voters.

"Woo" is used to talk about winning the favour of people, not objects. You can't really woo votes, but you can woo the people who vote. I suppose you could woo animals too maybe?

Cao and his factory stand out because they have to soarboosted the local average income, reviving the indigenous economy, and growing the employment rate that Ohio’s politicians are happy to see, which keeps happy and woos votes for Ohio’s politicians.

And, they bargained for huge perks and a quid pro quo from Ohio’s politicians.


And, theydditionally, the factory's owners bargained for huge perks and a quid pro quo from Ohio’s politicians.

It's not immediately clear what "they" refers to, so I guessed the factory owners. Feel free to change if there is a better way to express what you meant by "they."

And, theyThey also bargained for huge perks and a quid pro quo from Ohio’s politicians.

You don't usually start a sentence with the word "and". You might see it sometimes in casual speech though

And, theyThey also bargained for huge perks and a quid pro quo from Ohio’s politicians.

At the same time, the local politicians had entirely disregarded the pollution of exhausted emission and sewage disposal from Cao’s factory, and have benefitted from the increased tax income, forging the win-win situation from this cooperation.


At the same time, the local politicians had entirely disregarded the air pollution of exhausted emission and sewage disposal from Cao’s factory, and have benefitted from the increased tax income, forging thea win-win situation from this cooperation.

I'm not sure what "exhausted emission" referred to, so I am assuming it is some type of air pollution.

At the same time, the local politicians had entirely disregarded the pollution of exhausted emission and sewage disposal from Cao’s factory, and have benefitted from the increased tax income, forging thea win-win situation from this cooperation.

You can use "pollution" or "emissions" here, but you don't really need both.

At the same time, the local politicians had entirely disregarded the pollution of exhausted emission and sewage disposal from Cao’s factory, and have benefitted from the increased tax income, forging the win-win situation from this cooperation.

Exhaust is waste gas, exhausted means used up

When the government collaborates with the private sector and makes acquiescences, an invisible and stable consensus has been building, the motivation of environmental movement will undermine.


When the government collaborates with the private sector and makes acquiescences, an invisible and stable consensus has been buildbuilds, undermining, the motivation ofefforts of the environmental movement will undermine.

When the government collaborates with the private sector and makes acquiescences, an invisible and stable consensus hais been building, the motivationuilt, and the goals of environmental movements will be undermined.

I think a word like "goals" or "objectives" fits better than "motivation".

When the government collaborates with the private sector and makes acquiescences, an invisible and stable consensus has been buildis formed, undermining, the motivation of environmental movement will undermine.

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