'"Leave now!'" "Leave now!"

'"Leave now!'," the guy shouted with anger, causing the boy to run away. "Leave now," the guy shouted with anger, causing the boy to run away.

'Leave now!'"Get out!" "Get out!"

I would add more to this, since it's a story. Maybe, "Watch where you're going, dumbass!"

Unfulfilled hHopes Unfulfilled Hopes

This is a short story about a guy who wanted to be a famous person. This is a short story about a guy who wanted to be a famous person.

Nothing wrong with this but "This is a short story about a guy who wanted to be famous" sounds a bit more natural to me.

This is a short story about a guy who wanted to be a famous person. This is a short story about a guy who wanted to be famous.

Ha had wanted to be a popular since he was born. Ha wanted to be popular since he was born.

Ha had wanted to be a popular ever since he was born. Ha had wanted to be popular ever since he was born.

Actually, he liked all of the arts, especially acting. Actually, he liked all of the arts, especially acting.

ActuallyIn fact, he liked all of the arts, especially acting. In fact, he liked all of the arts, especially acting.

ThereforeBecause of that, he decided to become an actor. Because of that, he decided to become an actor.

He thought it was his dutestiny. He thought it was his destiny.

"DUTY" implies his responsibility. Instead, you'd want to use something like "destiny" or "path"

He thought it was his duty, but there was a small problem. He thought it was his duty, but there was a small problem.

ButHowever, there was a small problem. However, there was a small problem.

"but" cannot be used to start a sentence. Connect it with the previous one, or choose another conjunction

Unfortunately, he had some problems with hiswas lacking in social skills. Unfortunately, he was lacking in social skills.

I tried to make it so "problem" didn't repeat.

Unfortunately, he had some problems with hisdidn't have great social skills. Unfortunately, he didn't have great social skills.

Once he cameHe eventually went to a casting audition. He eventually went to a casting audition.

Once time, he came to a casting. One time, he came to a casting.

There wasere a lot of people. There were a lot of people.

A lot of people were there -> There were a lot of people. The verb is not agreeing with "there", but rather, "they'.

There wasere a lot of people. There were a lot of people.

There wasere a lot of people. There were a lot of people.

Boys and girlsEveryone hoped to get a role. Everyone hoped to get a role.

'Everyone' sounds better to me personally.

Boys and girls, all hopeding to get a role. Boys and girls, all hoping to get a role.

ButNonetheless, our hero was afraid of it. Nonetheless, our hero was afraid.

But our hero was afraid of it. But our hero was afraid.

Afraid of what?

But our hero was afraid of it. But our hero was afraid.

, the guy shouted within anger, and the boy ran away. , the guy shouted in anger, and the boy ran away.

before an independent clause, the "and" needs to be preceded by a comma

the guy shouted with anger, and the boy ran away. the guy shouted, and the boy ran away.

"with anger" is implied

He was crying when he camereturned home. He was crying when he returned home.

came is correct, but here I would use "returned"

He was crying when he came home. He was crying when he came home.

He was crying when he camegot home. He was crying when he got home.