July 7, 2020
Cats
When I was a child and a teenager I had three cats. The first one was a stray cat we picked up from the street. We gave her a name Marsee. I remember she had grey coat with stripes. One day she felt from the balcony of our apartment on the fifth floor. She was laying on a blanket that was pegged to dry under the sun. The blanket couldn't carry cat's weight and they fell together on the ground. We took her to the vets, where the doctor gave us some ointment to put on the cat's back. After couple of months she got well.
The second was a kitten that I took from my cousin's cat. They had a gorgeous true persian cat that gave birth to four cute kittens. I took one my brother called Tyson (in honor of a boxer Mike Tyson). I loved him very much. Sadly, one day he got lost. My mother and her friends took him with them to the lake, where Tyson ran away. We never could find him.
I got the third cat from a girl from my school. It was a kitten too. He had a grey coat and was so tiny. I remember putting him inside my pullover where he slept. I used to play with him a lot. I chased him, then sometimes he jump onto me from a corner. Unfortunately, by this time my mother got tired of cats in our home, that's why she asked to give it away to our relatives in the countryside. It was the last cat I had.
Cats
When I was aDuring my childhood and a teenagerdolescence, I had three cats.
sounds smoother this way
The first one was a stray cat that we picked up from the street.
the "that" is necessary here. Here is a website that explains relative pronouns:
https://www.btb.termiumplus.gc.ca/tpv2guides/guides/wrtps/index-eng.html?lang=eng&lettr=indx_catlog_w&page=9mXNAo90UPlc.html
If it's confusing though, look up a video about the topic on Youtube :)
We gave her a namenamed her Marsee.
"gave her a name" sounds really formal, you can just say "We named her Marsee" or "We called her Marsee"
I remember that she had grey coatfur with stripes.
One day, she feltl from the balcony of our apartment on the fifth floor.
She was laying on a blanket that was peggelaid to dry under the sun.
The blanket couldn't carry the cat's weight and, so they fell together on the ground.
We took her to the vets, where the doctor gave us some ointment to put on the cat's back.
"We took her to the vets" is what you'd say when speaking (it's slang). When writing, just say "vet"
After couple of months, she got wellrecovered.
"recovered" sounds better than "got well"
The second was a kitten that I tookgot from my cousin's cat.
They had a gorgeous, true persian cat that gave birth to four cute kittens.
if you use more than one adjective, you need a comma after each one until you get to the last one
for example:
Jerry has a red, fast, expensive car.
I took one for my brother and we called him Tyson (in honor of athe boxer Mike Tyson).
I loved him very much.
Sadly, one day he got lostwent missing.
My mother and her friends took him with them to the lake, where Tyson ran away.
We never couldcould never find him.
I got the third cat from a girl from my school.
It was a kitten tooas well.
you were correct, but this sounds better
He had a grey coatfur and was so tiny.
I remember putting him inside my pullover where he slept.
I used to play with him a lot.
I chased him, then sometimes he jumped onto me from a corner.
Unfortunately, byat this timepoint my mother got tired of cats in our home, that'which is why she asked to give it away to our relatives in the countryside.
It was the last cat I had.
Feedback
Nice journal! All of your cats sounded so cute, that's too bad your mom doesn't want to have cats anymore :(
July 7, 2020
She was laying on a blanket that was peggelaid to dry under the sun.
It should rather be "she was LYING", IMHO
Lie/lay/lain corresponds to Russian лежать or German liegen/lag/gelegen (she was in that state/position)
Lay/laid/laid corresponds to ложиться/лечь or German legen/legte/gelegt (she put herself in that position)
Otherwise your correction seems excellent, Brambsie :)
July 9, 2020
The first one was a stray cat that we picked up from the street.
Thanks for the link. I will check it.
July 9, 2020
I took one for my brother and we called him Tyson (in honor of athe boxer Mike Tyson).
No, it was my cousin who called him Tyson :D That I was meant to say.
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We gave her a name Marsee. We "gave her a name" sounds really formal, you can just say "We named her Marsee" or "We called her Marsee" |
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Cats This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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When I was a child and a teenager I had three cats.
sounds smoother this way |
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The first one was a stray cat we picked up from the street. The first one was a stray cat that we picked up from the street. the "that" is necessary here. Here is a website that explains relative pronouns: https://www.btb.termiumplus.gc.ca/tpv2guides/guides/wrtps/index-eng.html?lang=eng&lettr=indx_catlog_w&page=9mXNAo90UPlc.html If it's confusing though, look up a video about the topic on Youtube :) |
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I remember she had grey coat with stripes. I remember that she had grey |
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One day she felt from the balcony of our apartment on the fifth floor. One day, she fel |
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She was laying on a blanket that was pegged to dry under the sun. She was laying on a blanket that was |
|
The blanket couldn't carry cat's weight and they fell together on the ground. The blanket couldn't carry the cat's weight |
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We took her to the vets, where the doctor gave us some ointment to put on the cat's back. We took her to the vet "We took her to the vets" is what you'd say when speaking (it's slang). When writing, just say "vet" |
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After couple of months she got well. After couple of months, she "recovered" sounds better than "got well" |
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The second was a kitten that I took from my cousin's cat. The second was a kitten that I |
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They had a gorgeous true persian cat that gave birth to four cute kittens. They had a gorgeous, true persian cat that gave birth to four cute kittens. if you use more than one adjective, you need a comma after each one until you get to the last one for example: Jerry has a red, fast, expensive car. |
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I took one my brother called Tyson (in honor of a boxer Mike Tyson). I took one for my brother and we called him Tyson (in honor of |
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I loved him very much. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Sadly, one day he got lost. Sadly, one day he |
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My mother and her friends took him with them to the lake, where Tyson ran away. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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We never could find him. We |
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I got the third cat from a girl from my school. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It was a kitten too. It was a kitten you were correct, but this sounds better |
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He had a grey coat and was so tiny. He had |
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I remember putting him inside my pullover where he slept. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I used to play with him a lot. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I chased him, then sometimes he jump onto me from a corner. I chased him, then sometimes he jumped onto me from a corner. |
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Unfortunately, by this time my mother got tired of cats in our home, that's why she asked to give it away to our relatives in the countryside. Unfortunately, |
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It was the last cat I had. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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