May 3, 2020
Cartoon Description Part 1
I would like to present the first part of my text for a cartoon description.
I'm using the time where Theresa May was Britain's prime minister
Link to the cartoon : https://www.chappatte.com/prod/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/I190220c-small-1100x725.jpg
Cartoon Description
Chappatte illustrates the Brexit situation as a cartoon , published on chappate.com February 2019. The Illustration shows the UK Map with people on it. In the middle of the map is Theresa May, wearing a red dress and red high heels. The caption of the paper , which Therese May holds, says "Brexit Plan II". It seems like she is stating her new plan. She is bitten by a light brown dog with a black dog chain with white circles. On the right from them is a noble dressed old man , holding agressivly a umbrella. Behind this man is a girl with a backpag praying on her knees. There is a flag post, where a man is swinging, showing the UK's flag.
Behind Theresa May, two man are fighting. One of them is also noble dressed.A old women is watching the fight and shouting. On the top of the UK Map, where Scotland lies, is a scottish man testifying. Infront of the UK Map are two persons, one of them has a speech bubble saying "I'm not sure whether i'm more horrified or bored!".
She is being bitten by a light brown dog withearing a black dog chain with white circles.
You want to make sure you are keeping the tenses the same. Your previous sentences is in present progressive, so it's better to keep it that way.
On the right from them is a noble dressed old man , holding aggressively aholding an umbrella.
Behind this man is a girl with a backpagck praying on her knees.
There is a flag post, whereon which a man is swinging, showing the UK's flag.
Behind Theresa May, two maen are fighting.
One of them is also nobley dressed.A An old women is watching the fight and shouting.
On the top of the UK Map, where Scotland lies, is a sScottish man testifyingmaking a speech.
Testifying is usually only used when speaking about the Law, or in court. While this particular picture does indeed have to do with politics, using the term "testifying" isn't natural here. I'm sure there are also better terms to use than "making a speech" also.
In front of the UK Map are two personsople, one of them has a speech bubble saying "I'm not sure whether i'm more horrified or bored!
persons is also okay, but people sounds more natural
Feedback
Good job! Don't forget that when the article "a" is before a word that starts with a vowel (a,e,i,o,u) it becomes "an"
May 3, 2020
Thank you for your correction :)
I would like to present the first part of my text for a cartoon description.
I'm usingMy cartoon is from the time wheren Theresa May was Britain's prime minister
Also good would be "During this time, Theras May...".
Chappatte illustrates the Brexit situation asin a cartoon , published on chappate.com, in February 2019.
The Illustration shows the UK Mapa map of the United Kingdom with people on it.
So, I expanded UK because it's a good idea to be more descriptive/formal, at the beginning. It might also be nice to use the ideas of middle ground/foreground/background here, as in " various people are in the middle ground, the map is in the background..."
In the middle of the map is Theresa May, wearing a red dress and red high heels.
The caption of the paper , which Therese May holds, says "Brexit Plan II".
This is ok. It might be better if you put it in the order "Therese May holds a paper whose caption reads "Brexit Plan II"
It seems like she is stating her new plan.
She is being bitten by a light brown dog with a black dog chain with white circles.
It's important to use the progressive--being bitten--because it's going on now. I don't know why you include the details about the dog's chain, and not that the plan also has bite marks.
On the right from them is a nobleconservatively dressed old man , holding agressivly a umbrellan umbrella aggressively.
Nobly dressed is the most correct version of noble dressed... and I don't think it means something, though to be honest I'm American, not British, so maybe it's a thing.
Behind this man is a girl with a backpagck who is praying on her knees.
There is a flag post, where a man is swinging, showing the UK's flagith the UK's flag which a man is swinging from.
Behind Theresa May, two maen are fighting.
One of them is also noble dressed. in a suit. A old womean is watching the fight and shouting.
On the top of the UK Map, where Scotland lies, is a sScottish man testifyingin a kilt.
Testifying is something you either do in court or in church. You testify to tell the truth in front of the eyes of others. I think it be useful stylistically to add a sentence or two about the general emotional temperature of the group... Are they excited? Unified? Angry?
In front of the UK Map are two personsople, one of thewhom has a speech bubble saying "I'm not sure whether iI'm more horrified or bored!"
Feedback
Good work! I think that your writing will grow very much when you use question words like whose or which to introduce the relative clauses you are definitely ready to use! Looking forward to pt 2.
May 3, 2020
Thank you for the correction :) I will try to use more relative clauses in the second part. I also often use them in German :)
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Cartoon Description Part 1 |
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I would like to present the first part of my text for a cartoon description. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I'm using the time where Theresa May was Britain's prime minister
Also good would be "During this time, Theras May...". |
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Link to the cartoon : https://www.chappatte.com/prod/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/I190220c-small-1100x725.jpg |
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Cartoon Description |
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Chappatte illustrates the Brexit situation as a cartoon , published on chappate.com February 2019. Chappatte illustrates the Brexit situation |
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The Illustration shows the UK Map with people on it. The Illustration shows So, I expanded UK because it's a good idea to be more descriptive/formal, at the beginning. It might also be nice to use the ideas of middle ground/foreground/background here, as in " various people are in the middle ground, the map is in the background..." |
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In the middle of the map is Theresa May, wearing a red dress and red high heels. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The caption of the paper , which Therese May holds, says "Brexit Plan II". The caption of the paper This is ok. It might be better if you put it in the order "Therese May holds a paper whose caption reads "Brexit Plan II" |
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It seems like she is stating her new plan. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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She is bitten by a light brown dog with a black dog chain with white circles. She is being bitten by a light brown dog with a black dog chain with white circles. It's important to use the progressive--being bitten--because it's going on now. I don't know why you include the details about the dog's chain, and not that the plan also has bite marks. She is being bitten by a light brown dog w You want to make sure you are keeping the tenses the same. Your previous sentences is in present progressive, so it's better to keep it that way. |
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On the right from them is a noble dressed old man , holding agressivly a umbrella. On the right from them is a Nobly dressed is the most correct version of noble dressed... and I don't think it means something, though to be honest I'm American, not British, so maybe it's a thing. On the right from them is a noble dressed old man , |
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Behind this man is a girl with a backpag praying on her knees. Behind this man is a girl with a backpa Behind this man is a girl with a backpa |
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There is a flag post, where a man is swinging, showing the UK's flag. There is a flag post There is a flag post, |
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Behind Theresa May, two man are fighting. Behind Theresa May, two m Behind Theresa May, two m |
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One of them is also noble dressed.A old women is watching the fight and shouting. One of them is also One of them is also nobl |
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On the top of the UK Map, where Scotland lies, is a scottish man testifying. On the top of the UK Map, where Scotland lies, is a Testifying is something you either do in court or in church. You testify to tell the truth in front of the eyes of others. I think it be useful stylistically to add a sentence or two about the general emotional temperature of the group... Are they excited? Unified? Angry? On the top of the UK Map, where Scotland lies, is a Testifying is usually only used when speaking about the Law, or in court. While this particular picture does indeed have to do with politics, using the term "testifying" isn't natural here. I'm sure there are also better terms to use than "making a speech" also. |
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Infront of the UK Map are two persons, one of them has a speech bubble saying "I'm not sure whether i'm more horrified or bored! In front of the UK Map are two pe In front of the UK Map are two pe persons is also okay, but people sounds more natural |
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