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mario9776

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Can you change this whole conversation naturally?

[TWEAK] Something’s heading straight for us, Cap!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, hold on! Something is about to hit us!

[BARNACLES] Dashi,

[BARNACLES] Peso, Shellington,

[BARNACLES] Inkling, Vegimals

[BARNACLES] brace yourselves!

[BARNACLES/KWAZII] What?!

[TWEAK] Cap - you hear that?

[BARNACLES] It’s coming from outside the Octopod.

[BARNACLES] The screen is blank! We’ve lost the radar!

[BARNACLES] Kwazii, sound the Octo Alert!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, to your stations!

[PESO] Captain, what’s going on?

[BARNACLES] The radar isn’t working!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, Kwazii, let’s go outside and work out
what’s happened!

[TWEAK] The dish must be broken.

[TWEAK] I’ll have it fixed faster than you can say buncha
munchy crunchy carrots!

[BARNACLES] Peso, open the Octohatch!

[PESO] Yes, right away, Captain.

[TWEAK] The radar dish isn’t broken! It’s gone!

[KWAZII] A thief must have stolen it!

[CAPTAIN BARNACLES] We have to get it back!

[KWAZII] I reckon that scurvy thief is around here somewhere...

[KWAZII] I’ll find him with me spyglass!

[KWAZII] Arghhh! Seaweed!

[KWAZII] Now I can’t see a thing!

[BARNACLES] Here, use my binoculars to look for anything
unusual.

[KWAZII] Aye, Captain!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, come with me. We'll search the other side of
the Octopod.

[KWAZII] Now where’s that thief?

[KWAZII] My spyglass!

[KWAZII] Captain, the thief strikes again!

[KWAZII] I’ve had that spyglass since me pirate days!

[BARNACLES] The thief couldn’t have gone far...

[KWAZII] A trail...

[KWAZII] We’ve lost the trail.

[TWEAK] I bet there’s a lot of places in this reef for a thief
to hide!

[KWAZII] I’ll look under every rock until I get my spyglass
back!

[BARNACLES] Hold on, Kwazii!

[BARNACLES] This thief is sneaky so we’ll have to be sneakier

Corrections

Can you change this whole conversation naturally?

Since users are probably already planning to offer to help things flow more naturally, it might be better to put a title for the script at the top.

[TWEAK] Something’s heading straight for us, Cap!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, hold on! Something is about to hit us! Dashi, Peso, Shellington, Inkling, Vegimals, brace yourselves!

Something is about to hit us!

[BARNACLES] Dashi, ¶

[BARNACLES] Peso, Shellington, ¶

[BARNACLES] Inkling, Vegimals ¶

[BARNACLES] brace yourselves!

[BARNACLES/KWAZII] What was that?!

[BARNACLES] It’s coming from outside the Octopod. The screen is blank! We’ve lost the radar! Kwazii, sound the Octo Alert! Octonauts, to your stations!

[BARNACLES] The screen is blank!

We’ve lost the radar!

[BARNACLES] Kwazii, sound the Octo Alert!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, to your stations!

[PESO] Captain, what’s going on?

[BARNACLES] The radar isn’t working! Tweak, Kwazii, let’s go outside and work out¶
what’s happened!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, Kwazii, let’s go outside and work out ¶
what’s happened!

[TWEAK] The dish must be broken. I’ll have it fixed faster than you can say "buncha¶
munchy crunchy carrots!"

specific phrases are usually italicized or put in quotation marks

[TWEAK] I’ll have it fixed faster than you can say buncha ¶
munchy crunchy carrots!

[BARNACLES] Peso, open the Octohatch!

[PESO] Yes, right away, Captain.

[TWEAK] The radar dish isn’t broken! It’s gone!

It is more common to see something like...The radar dish isn´t broken, it´s gone!

It’s gone!

[KWAZII] A thief must have stolen it!

[CAPTAIN BARNACLES] We have to get it back!

[KWAZII] I reckon that scurvy thief is around here somewhere...

[KWAZII]
I’ll find him with me spyglass! Arghhh! Seaweed! Now I can’t see a thing!

[KWAZII] Arghhh!

Seaweed!

[KWAZII] Now I can’t see a thing!

[BARNACLES] Here, use my binoculars to look for anything unusual.

[KWAZII] Aye, Captain!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, come with me. We'll search the other side of the Octopod.

We'll search the other side of ¶
the Octopod.

[KWAZII] Now where’s that thief? Me spyglass! Captain, the thief strikes again! I’ve had that spyglass since me pirate days!

I don´t know if it would be better to say "me spyglass" to keep the pirate accent.

[KWAZII] My spyglass!

[KWAZII] Captain, the thief strikes again!

[KWAZII] I’ve had that spyglass since me pirate days!

[BARNACLES] The thief couldn’t have gone far...


[KWAZII] A trail...


[KWAZII]
We’ve lost the trail.

[TWEAK] I bet there’s a lot of places in this reef for a thief to hide!

[KWAZII] I’ll look under every rock until I get mye spyglass
back!

I don´t know if it would be better to say "me spyglass" like earlier.

[BARNACLES] Hold on, Kwazii! This thief is sneaky, so we’ll have to be sneakier

The comma separates the two clauses and precedes the conjunction.

[BARNACLES] This thief is sneaky so we’ll have to be sneakier

Feedback

It was really easy to follow the action of the script. Typically, lines of dialogue are kept together until a new character/narrator begins their lines. So if the same person is talking, it should stay together until their lines have ended for that part. Nice script!

Can you change this whole conversation naturally?

[TWEAK] Something’s heading straight for us, Cap!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, hold on!

Something is about to hit us!

[BARNACLES] Dashi, [BARNACLES] Peso, Shellington, [BARNACLES] Inkling, Vegimals [BARNACLES] brace yourselves!

[BARNACLES/KWAZII] What?!

[TWEAK] Cap - you hear that?

[BARNACLES] It’s coming from outside the Octopod.

[BARNACLES] The screen is blank!

We’ve lost the radar!

[BARNACLES] Kwazii, sound the Octo Alert!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, to your stations!

[PESO] Captain, what’s going on?

[BARNACLES] The radar isn’t working!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, Kwazii, let’s go outside and work out what’s happened!

[TWEAK] The dish must be broken.

[TWEAK] I’ll have it fixed faster than you can say buncha munchy crunchy carrots!

[BARNACLES] Peso, open the Octohatch!

[PESO] Yes, right away, Captain.

[TWEAK] The radar dish isn’t broken!

It’s gone!

[KWAZII] A thief must have stolen it!

[CAPTAIN BARNACLES] We have to get it back!

[KWAZII] I reckon that scurvy thief is around here somewhere... [KWAZII] I’ll find him with me spyglass!

[KWAZII] Arghhh!

Seaweed!

[KWAZII] Now I can’t see a thing!

[BARNACLES] Here, use my binoculars to look for anything unusual.

[KWAZII] Aye, Captain!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, come with me.

We'll search the other side of the Octopod.

[KWAZII] Now where’s that thief?

[KWAZII] My spyglass!

[KWAZII] Captain, the thief strikes again!

[KWAZII] I’ve had that spyglass since me pirate days!

[BARNACLES] The thief couldn’t have gone far... [KWAZII] A trail... [KWAZII] We’ve lost the trail.

[TWEAK] I bet there’s a lot of places in this reef for a thief to hide!

[KWAZII] I’ll look under every rock until I get my spyglass back!

[BARNACLES] Hold on, Kwazii!

[BARNACLES] This thief is sneaky so we’ll have to be sneakier.

[BARNACLES] The radar isn’t working!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] The radar isn’t working! Tweak, Kwazii, let’s go outside and work out¶
what’s happened!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, Kwazii, let’s go outside and work out what’s happened!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, Kwazii, let’s go outside and work out ¶
what’s happened!

[TWEAK] The dish must be broken.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[TWEAK] The dish must be broken. I’ll have it fixed faster than you can say "buncha¶
munchy crunchy carrots!"

specific phrases are usually italicized or put in quotation marks

[TWEAK] I’ll have it fixed faster than you can say buncha munchy crunchy carrots!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[TWEAK] I’ll have it fixed faster than you can say buncha ¶
munchy crunchy carrots!

[BARNACLES] Peso, open the Octohatch!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Can you change this whole conversation naturally?


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Can you change this whole conversation naturally?

Since users are probably already planning to offer to help things flow more naturally, it might be better to put a title for the script at the top.

[TWEAK] Something’s heading straight for us, Cap!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, hold on!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, hold on! Something is about to hit us! Dashi, Peso, Shellington, Inkling, Vegimals, brace yourselves!

Something is about to hit us!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Something is about to hit us!

[BARNACLES] Dashi, [BARNACLES] Peso, Shellington, [BARNACLES] Inkling, Vegimals [BARNACLES] brace yourselves!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Dashi, ¶

[BARNACLES] Peso, Shellington, ¶

[BARNACLES] Inkling, Vegimals ¶

[BARNACLES] brace yourselves!

[BARNACLES/KWAZII] What?!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES/KWAZII] What was that?!

[CAPTAIN BARNACLES] We have to get it back!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] I reckon that scurvy thief is around here somewhere... [KWAZII] I’ll find him with me spyglass!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] I reckon that scurvy thief is around here somewhere...

[KWAZII]
I’ll find him with me spyglass! Arghhh! Seaweed! Now I can’t see a thing!

[KWAZII] Arghhh!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] Arghhh!

Seaweed!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Seaweed!

[KWAZII] Now I can’t see a thing!


[KWAZII] Now I can’t see a thing!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Here, use my binoculars to look for anything unusual.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] Aye, Captain!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, come with me.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Tweak, come with me. We'll search the other side of the Octopod.

We'll search the other side of the Octopod.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

We'll search the other side of ¶
the Octopod.

[KWAZII] Now where’s that thief?


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] Now where’s that thief? Me spyglass! Captain, the thief strikes again! I’ve had that spyglass since me pirate days!

I don´t know if it would be better to say "me spyglass" to keep the pirate accent.

[KWAZII] My spyglass!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] My spyglass!

[TWEAK] Cap - you hear that?


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] It’s coming from outside the Octopod.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] It’s coming from outside the Octopod. The screen is blank! We’ve lost the radar! Kwazii, sound the Octo Alert! Octonauts, to your stations!

[BARNACLES] The screen is blank!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] The screen is blank!

We’ve lost the radar!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

We’ve lost the radar!

[BARNACLES] Kwazii, sound the Octo Alert!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Kwazii, sound the Octo Alert!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, to your stations!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Octonauts, to your stations!

[PESO] Captain, what’s going on?


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[PESO] Captain, what’s going on?

[TWEAK] I bet there’s a lot of places in this reef for a thief to hide!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] I’ll look under every rock until I get my spyglass back!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] I’ll look under every rock until I get mye spyglass
back!

I don´t know if it would be better to say "me spyglass" like earlier.

[BARNACLES] Hold on, Kwazii!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] Hold on, Kwazii! This thief is sneaky, so we’ll have to be sneakier

The comma separates the two clauses and precedes the conjunction.

[BARNACLES] This thief is sneaky so we’ll have to be sneakier


[BARNACLES] This thief is sneaky so we’ll have to be sneakier.

[BARNACLES] This thief is sneaky so we’ll have to be sneakier

[PESO] Yes, right away, Captain.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[TWEAK] The radar dish isn’t broken!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[TWEAK] The radar dish isn’t broken! It’s gone!

It is more common to see something like...The radar dish isn´t broken, it´s gone!

It’s gone!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It’s gone!

[KWAZII] A thief must have stolen it!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] Captain, the thief strikes again!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] Captain, the thief strikes again!

[KWAZII] I’ve had that spyglass since me pirate days!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[KWAZII] I’ve had that spyglass since me pirate days!

[BARNACLES] The thief couldn’t have gone far... [KWAZII] A trail... [KWAZII] We’ve lost the trail.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[BARNACLES] The thief couldn’t have gone far...


[KWAZII] A trail...


[KWAZII]
We’ve lost the trail.

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