Can any one comment on this essay?

If people have an opportunity to get a secured job, they should take it right away rather than waiting for something more satisfying.

Jobs play a vital role in people's lives in many ways and it, also dependsing on people's characterisown qualitices.

What "it" refers to is unclear. If it refers to "vital role," we need to make the connection more clear.

Some people will utilize the opportunity, while others wait for it due to their prerequisitethe ideal job because of their expectations.

"It" is referring to "the opportunity."
The "prerequisite" of something refers to something that is required for it to take place, loosely speaking. For example, we might talk about the prerequisites of an advanced seminar at a university. Generally speaking, it does not make sense to talk about someone's prerequisites.

In my opinion, I think that the best decision is to grab the jobseize the opportunity towards have a secured job, rather than waiting for a satisfying job.

"Seize the/an opportunity" is a set phrase.

This is because people gain financial independence and develop important skills in the long- run if they have a secured job.

First of all, I believe some people accept the opportunity to get a secured job since it allows them to earn money, which is very crucial in this society.

Therefore, eEarning money and planning a better future depends on the income levels whichthat can be gained through job positiondifferent jobs.

"Therefore" isn't ungrammatical, but it doesn't make sense here as it sounds like you are going to make an argument related to what you said earlier. What you wrote is more just an additional point that you are making.

"Job positions" is not really idiomatic. "Different jobs" would sound more natural to me, though the connotations are a little different.

In contrast, if we wait for an opportunity for a fulfilled job,to have a satisfying job, we might eventually we might lose interest in a career and mustcome to rely on others for financial needs.

Or "have to rely," depending on the exact intention.

Thus, it is important to usetake up the offer for a stable job.

"For a stable job" isn't strictly necessary, but the sentence makes more sense with it.

For instance, when I was pursuing a graduate degree in Ppharmacy, I thought of continuing my career in Ppharmacology.

We generally don't capitalize discipline names unless they are part of a title, like "He obtained an A.B. in Mathematics."

ThenHowever, after waiting, I got an offer from a Rretail pharmacy looking for a pharmacist.

"Then" implies that the event described in this sentence follows the last one, but that doesn't make sense grammatically since the last sentence is describing something in the present.

If I had not usedtaken the opportunity, I would still depend on family members and be wasting my time.

"Wasting" as a progressive tense needs "be" before it, but it was missing from the structure of the parallel structure: "I would still… wasting my time."

Because of my jobThrough my position, I was earning enough to make my ends meet.

Or "through my job." "Because of my position" could work in certain situations, but "through" sounds more natural here.

Hence, iIf people have job assuranceare assured of a job, then they can manage their finances independently.

"Hence" here has the same issue as "therefore" had earlier.
"Job assurance" sounds more like a general term describing a situation where people are guaranteed to find a job.

Second of ally, I think that taking an early decision regarding a job when it knocks is a more viable option than waiting for a satisfying job.

"Second of all" isn't really used.
"Than" implies a comparison, so we need to write "more viable."

This meansA secured job life will enable people to develop skills.

"This means" has a function similar to "hence" or "therefore"; see the above comment.

"Secure job life" sounds extremely informal. "A life with a secured job" would be better, but since it's the job that enables people to develop skills, this wording makes more sense.

For instance, my brother completed his master’s in biotechnology, and after his graduation, he got an opportunity from WIPRO which iwas not his mainstream(directly) related to his main focus for his career.

If you're referring more to what he studied, you can also write "related to what he studied."

However, my brother accepted the opportunity because my brother believed that it would give him better exposure to other tasksypes of work.

"Tasks" describes specific assignments or duties. Because you're describing a type of job in general, this phrasing makes more sense to me.

Thereby,rough his work as a software engineer in WIPRO, he learned organizational and leadership skills.

"Thereby" is always followed by a present participle, and it generally does not appear at the beginning of a sentence.

Thus, although he was not pertaining totrained in that field, he did that job to acquired new talents from that job.

"Pertaining" is used to indicate that two things are related to each other, in an abstract way. We generally don't use "pertaining" with forms of the verb "be," and we also do not say that a person "pertains" to something. The subject attached to "pertains" is generally rather abstract.

If you want to keep the original phrasing of the end of the sentence, you will need to remove "thus." "Thus" has the same problem as "therefore," "hence," etc. With the original phrasing, it sounds like your brother accepted the job to learn new things, but if so, the sentence should have been placed earlier in the paragraph.

This would not behave been possible if he still waited for his dream career in Bbiotechnology.

Therefore, people like my brother would benefit by acquiring new skills when they have a secured job.

In conclusion, I agree that people with a secured job would benefit more than people looking for aould benefit more from a secure job than from looking for a job in which they will be happy job.

This is because a secured job helps people to earn income as well as to get new skills.