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henry_yao

Jan. 18, 2020

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BUSINESS WITH A FRIEND

Dear Carey,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’m just writing to thank you for inviting me to join your new business.

I’ve read the business plan you sent me last week, and I think your idea of developing an app for local video gamers to meet up is amazing! Since I was a solo player before we met, I know how difficult it can be to find local friends who share the same passion as me. So, I bet your app would meet the needs of a great many game nerds in town.

Having said that, I’m afraid that I can’t accept your invitation for now. Do you remember that my mom was sent to the hospital last year? As a result, now I am in crippling debts. My wife and I have to live on a tight budget before we can pay them off. Currently, a steady job with a stable income means a lot to my whole family. So, it’s not the time to give up my job in Central Bank.

Thankfully, according to our family financial plan, our debts at present are likely to be cleared next year. Thereafter, if you haven’t changed your mind, I will join your developing project with pleasure.

Best of luck with your app!

Speak soon,
John Smith

Corrections

BUSINESS WITH A FRIEND

Dear Carey,

I hope this letter finds you well.

I’m just writing to thank you for inviting me to join your new business.

"just" isn't wrong but the sentence reads better without it.

I’ve read the business plan you sent me last week, and I think your idea of developing an app for local video gamers to meet up is amazing!

SinceAs I was a solo player before we met, I know how difficult it can be to find local friends who share the same passion as me.

So, I bet your app would meet the needs of a great many game nerds in town.

Having said that, I’m afraid that I can’t accept your invitation for nowat the moment.

"for now" is okay, but at the moment is better.

Do you may remember that my mom was sent to the hospital last year?.

Your sentence is okay but this reads better.

As a result, I now I am inhave crippling debts.

You either "have debts" or you are 'in debt".

My wife and I have to live on a tight budget before we canin order to pay them off.

Currently, a steady job with a stable income means a lot to my whole family.

So, it’s not the right time to give up my job inat the Central Bank.

Thankfully, according to our family financial plan, our debts at present are likely to be cleared by next year.

Thereafter, if you haven’t changed your mind, I will join your developingment project with pleasure.

Best of luck with your app!

Speak soon,

John Smith

Feedback

Very good! There are just a few things that make it sound a bit stilted.

Having said that, I’m afraid that I can’t accept your invitation for now.


Having said that, I’m afraid that I can’t accept your invitation for nowat the moment.

"for now" is okay, but at the moment is better.

BUSINESS WITH A FRIEND


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Dear Carey,


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I hope this letter finds you well.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I’m just writing to thank you for inviting me to join your new business.


I’m just writing to thank you for inviting me to join your new business.

"just" isn't wrong but the sentence reads better without it.

I’ve read the business plan you sent me last week, and I think your idea of developing an app for local video gamers to meet up is amazing!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Since I was a solo player before we met, I know how difficult it can be to find local friends who share the same passion as me.


SinceAs I was a solo player before we met, I know how difficult it can be to find local friends who share the same passion as me.

So, I bet your app would meet the needs of a great many game nerds in town.


So, I bet your app would meet the needs of a great many game nerds in town.

Do you remember that my mom was sent to the hospital last year?


Do you may remember that my mom was sent to the hospital last year?.

Your sentence is okay but this reads better.

As a result, now I am in crippling debts.


As a result, I now I am inhave crippling debts.

You either "have debts" or you are 'in debt".

My wife and I have to live on a tight budget before we can pay them off.


My wife and I have to live on a tight budget before we canin order to pay them off.

Currently, a steady job with a stable income means a lot to my whole family.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

So, it’s not the time to give up my job in Central Bank.


So, it’s not the right time to give up my job inat the Central Bank.

Thankfully, according to our family financial plan, our debts at present are likely to be cleared next year.


Thankfully, according to our family financial plan, our debts at present are likely to be cleared by next year.

Thereafter, if you haven’t changed your mind, I will join your developing project with pleasure.


Thereafter, if you haven’t changed your mind, I will join your developingment project with pleasure.

Best of luck with your app!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Speak soon,


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

John Smith


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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