Jan. 25, 2022
Book - A Shot in the Dark - P38
Part thirty-seven.
This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s taking place as you read it.)
The hilarious news of Joanna Carver’s escape is all over town in no time. True to form, the police is being mocked about that. Bobby Melma, instead, has mixed feelings. On one hand Bobby works with Joanna, he admires her, and find amusing her escape too; on the other hand, he is genuinely scared of what she might do to him, given she was arrested because of his telling the police that he had seen her in a red wig. Now, Bobby is waiting for his aunt Palmeira at the Adelaide pub. Bobby is very close to his aunt, and right now he needs more than ever her help. She is a person of sound judgement; she will certainly know how to sort everything out—Bobby has to watch out for the police as well. The two of them are close to each other also because they have a shared interest in phrenology. She is the one who got him into that. Had she not done it, he would probabily have ended up pianist. When he was still a kid, she would say to him: "there are tons of pianist, some good, some mediocre; but there aren’t any phrenologists worth of the name*."
*"worth of the name" or "worth their salt" ? I just mean there was no phrenologist good enough at phrenology
Book - A Shot in the Dark - P38
Part thirty-seven.
This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s taking place as you read it. ).
The hilarious news of Joanna Carver’s escape is all over town in no time.
True to formJust as expected, the police isare being mocked about thait.
Bobby Melma, insteadhowever, has mixed feelings.
On one hand, Bobby works with Joanna, he admires her, and finds amusing her escape tooas well; on the other hand, he is genuinely scared of what she might do to him, given that she was arrested because of hism telling the police that he had seen her in a red wig.
"He had" is often said/written as "he'd".
Now, Bobby is waiting for his aunt Palmeira at the Adelaide pub.
Bobby is very close towith his aunt, and right now he needs her help more than ever her help.
She is a person of sound judgement; she will certainly know how to sort everything out—. Bobby has to watch out for the police as well.
"She will" is often said/written as "she'll".
The two of them are also close towith each other also because they have a shared interest in phrenology.
She is the one who got him into thait.
"She is" is often said/written as "she's".
Had she not done it, he would've probabily have ended up as a pianist.
When he was still a kid, she would say to him: "tThere are tons of pianists, some good, some mediocre; but there aren’t any phrenologists worth of the nameir salt*.
"
*"worth of the name" or "worth their salt" ?
It's "worth their salt".
I just mean there was no phrenologist good enoughthat was really good at phrenology.
Feedback
Great Job! Just a few corrections!
Jan. 26, 2022
Thanks a lot. Though I do know that "she will" is written "she'll" and so on. I deliberately don't use abbreviations
Book - A Shot in the Dark - P38
Part thirty-seven.
This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s taking place as you read it. )
The hilarious news of Joanna Carver’s escape is all over town in no time.
True to form, the police is being mocked about thapeople are mocking the police over it.
This sentence feels a bit better to me using active voice rather than passive.
Bobby Melma, insteadhowever, has mixed feelings.
On one hand, Bobby works with Joanna, he admires her, and find amusinghe also finds her escape too; oamusing. On the other hand, he is genuinely scared of what she might do to him, given she was arrested because of his telling the police that he had seen her in a red wig.
Now, Bobby is waiting for his aunt Palmeira at the Adelaide pub.
Bobby is very close to his aunt, and right now he needs her help more than ever her help.
She is a person of sound judgement; she will certainly know how to sort everything out—. Bobby has to watch out for the police as well.
The two of them are close to each other also because they have a shared interest in phrenology.
I don't feel like there's anything that this "also" is adding on to, so I removed it.
She is the one who got him into thait.
Had she not done itso, he would probabily have ended up a pianist.
When he was still a kid, she would say to him:, "tThere are tons of pianists, some good, some mediocre;, but there aren’t any phrenologists worthy of the name*".
*"worthy of the name" or "worth their salt" ?
I just mean there wasere no phrenologists good enough at phrenology.
Jan. 26, 2022
I do appreciate your corrections. You've been really helpful.
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*"worth of the name" or "worth their salt" ? *"worthy of the name" or "worth their salt" ? *"worth of the name" or "worth their salt" ? It's "worth their salt". |
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Book - A Shot in the Dark - P38 This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Part thirty-seven. Part thirty-seven This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s taking place as you read it. ) This sentence has been marked as perfect! This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s taking place as you read it |
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The hilarious news of Joanna Carver’s escape is all over town in no time. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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True to form, the police is being mocked about that. True to form, This sentence feels a bit better to me using active voice rather than passive.
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Bobby Melma, instead, has mixed feelings. Bobby Melma, Bobby Melma, |
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On one hand Bobby works with Joanna, he admires her, and find amusing her escape too; on the other hand, he is genuinely scared of what she might do to him, given she was arrested because of his telling the police that he had seen her in a red wig. On one hand, Bobby works with Joanna, he admires her, and On one hand, Bobby works with Joanna, he admires her, and finds amusing her escape "He had" is often said/written as "he'd". |
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Now, Bobby is waiting for his aunt Palmeira at the Adelaide pub. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Bobby is very close to his aunt, and right now he needs more than ever her help. Bobby is very close to his aunt, and right now he needs her help more than ever Bobby is very close |
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She is a person of sound judgement; she will certainly know how to sort everything out—Bobby has to watch out for the police as well. She is a person of sound judgement; she will certainly know how to sort everything out She is a person of sound judgement; she will certainly know how to sort everything out "She will" is often said/written as "she'll". |
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The two of them are close to each other also because they have a shared interest in phrenology. The two of them are close to each other I don't feel like there's anything that this "also" is adding on to, so I removed it. The two of them are also close |
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She is the one who got him into that. She is the one who got him into She is the one who got him into "She is" is often said/written as "she's". |
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Had she not done it, he would probabily have ended up pianist. Had she not done Had she not done it, he would've probab |
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When he was still a kid, she would say to him: "there are tons of pianist, some good, some mediocre; but there aren’t any phrenologists worth of the name*. When he was still a kid, she would say to him When he was still a kid, she would say to him: " |
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I just mean there was no phrenologist good enough at phrenology I just mean there w I just mean there was no phrenologist |
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