Book - A Shot in the Dark

samu

Jan. 16, 2022

Book - A Shot in the Dark - P31

Part twenty-one.

This summary was deliberately written in present tenses (analyse it as if it’s taking place as you read it)

It is early morning, and a sleepless, deflated Twitten is giving his account of tonight’s events to Mrs. Groynes, the station charlady.

Since he did not know the address to his new lodgings, and did not have any money to pay a hotel room, he spent the whole night wandering around town. At one point he came across a police crime scene. The constable meant to guard the site was actually sleeping. After shaking him awake, Twitten learnt all the astonishing events he had missed while in hospital. Twitten’s initial reaction was complete despair. But then a thought struck him: the station prisoner cells have iron bars, and Strong Woman Joanna Carver is indeed famous for bending iron bars.” As he hastened back to the police station, his pulse quickened. At first, the Sergeant Desk thought Twitten must be cracking a joke with this talking about a prisoner escape. But Twitten kept urging him to check on the prisoners. The Sergeant finally agreed. When they got to the cells, they found Joanna Carver’s empty, with some iron bars bent. Twitten’s despair grew increasily. That was that, at least for the night.

When he has finished, Mrs Groynes advises he hand Crystal’s list to Inspector Steine as soon as possibile. Steine will probabily be cross, but he has to know. Twitten’s face twists with pain. He hesitantly tells her he lost it. Mrs. Groynes’ face is a picture of horror. Still, it does not matter to him because he has commetted its contents to memory.

en 1

Correct

Corrections

Bethany

Part twenty-one.

This summary was deliberately written in present tenses (analyse it as if it’s taking place as you read it)

It is early morning, and a sleepless, deflated Twitten is giving his account of tonight’s events to Mrs. Groynes, the station charlady.

"tonight" implies the future. If it's the next day, it should be "last night". If it's latter the same night, the "an account of the night's events" might be better.

Since he did not know the address to his new lodgings, and did not have any money to pay for a hotel room, he spent the whole night wandering around town.

At one point he came across a police crime scene.

The constable meant to be guarding the site was actually sleeping.

After shaking him awake, Twitten learnt all the astonishing events he had missed while in hospital.

Twitten’s initial reaction was complete despair.

But then a thought struck him: the station prisoner cells have iron bars, and Strong Woman Joanna Carver is ~~indeed~~ famous for bending iron bars.” As he hastened back to the police station, his pulse quickened.

At first, the Sergeant Desk thought Twitten must be cracking a joke with this talk~~ing~~ about a prisoner escape.

But Twitten kept urging him to check on the prisoners.

The Sergeant finally agreed.

When they got to the cells, they found Joanna Carver’s empty, with some iron bars bent.

Twitten’s despair grew ~~increasily~~.

Grew and increasingly together are redundant.

That was that, at least for the night.

When he has finished, Mrs Groynes advises he hand Crystal’s list to Inspector Steine as soon as possibile.

Steine will probabily be cross, but he has to know.

Twitten’s face twists with pain.

He hesitantly tells her he lost it.

Mrs. Groynes’ face is a picture of horror.

Still, it does not matter to him because he has commetted its contents to memory.

Feedback

Nice job, keep it up.

samu

Jan. 16, 2022

Thanks!

Book - A Shot in the Dark - P31

Part twenty-one.