Jan. 13, 2022
Book - A Shot in the Dark - P29
Part twenty-nine.
This story was deliberately written in present tenses (analyse it as if it is taking place as you read it).
Back to Constable Twitten. He is awake lying in a hospital bed. He keeps reflecting on today’s events. Not knowing what Crystal recalled at the theatre, he grows increasingly uneasy; he has studied Crystal’s list a couple of times, but without much success. Still, he believes Crystal’s murder is to do with the “Aldersgate Stick-up”*. Twitten is also sure the culprit must be a professional hitman: you would not kill a man in a theatre like that, which means someone must have been keeping a close watch on Crystal, which also means the killing was initially set aside/apart. Tomorrow morning, Twitten will first call Crystal’ secretary, Miss Sibert, to demand Crystal’s notes on the “Aldersgate Stick-up”, if there is any. Deep in thought, Twitten does not hear Mrs. Groynes approaching the room. As she enters, she notices the list, still in his hands, and enquires about it. He tries to explain as simple as possibile all his complex reasonings; in his mind, a station charlady** has limited knowledge of investigative police tactics. He expects her to snap at him for taking evindence from a crime scene, but instead she seems to agree on many things, especially on Inspector Steine. The two of them seem to have taken to each other.
Twitten is dismissed from hospital at midnight. Instead of being driven to his lodgings, which is at the police station, he decides to walk as he needs to clear his mind. Just after setting off, he realises he does not know the address. He stops at the seafront to take in a remarkably moonlight scene. He produces again the list. Only four initial items, yet they seem all Greek to him: ‘own bags?’; ‘Palmeira?’; ‘run-over policeman?’; ‘a sneeze?’. At the theatre, Crystal added this: ‘Dai’. As he yet again studies it, a dodgy-looking boy snatches the list from Twitten’s hands, and races away.
*it’s a bank robbery happened more than ten years ago. Crystal worked there at that time.
?
**charlady/charwoman: (British English) a woman whose job is to clean a house, an office building, etc.
Book - A Shot in the Dark - P29
Part twenty-nine.
This story was deliberately written in the present tenses (analyse it as if it is taking place as you read it).
Back to Constable Twitten.
He is awake lying in a hospital bed.
He keeps reflecting on today’s events.
Not knowing what Crystal recalled at the theatre, he grows increasingly uneasy; he has studied Crystal’s list a couple of times, but without much success.
Still, he believes Crystal’s murder is to do with the “Aldersgate Stick-up”*.
Twitten is also sure the culprit must be a professional hitman: you would not just kill a man in a theatre like that, which means someone must have been keeping a close watch on Crystal, which also means the killing was initially set aside/apart.
the killing was initially set aside/apart - I'm not sure what you mean by this?
Tomorrow morning, Twitten will firstbegin the day by calling Crystal’ secretary, Miss Sibert, to demand Crystal’s notes on the “Aldersgate Stick-up”, if there isare any.
Deep in thought, Twitten does not hear Mrs. Groynes approaching the room.
As she enters, she notices the list, still in his hands, and enquires about it.
He tries to explain as simpley as possibile all of his complex reasonings; in his mind, a station charlady** has limited knowledge of investigative police tactics.
He expects her to snap at him for taking evindence from a crime scene, but instead she seems to agree on many things, especially on Inspector Steine.
The two of them seem to have taken to each other.
Twitten is dismissed from the hospital at midnight.
Instead of being driven to his lodgings, which is at the police station, he decides to walk as he needs to clear his mind.
Just after setting off, he realises he does not know the address.
He stops at the seafront to take in a remarkably moonlight scene.
He produces again the list again.
OThere are only four initial items, yet they all seem all Greek to him: ‘own bags?’; ‘Palmeira?’; ‘run-over policeman?’; ‘a sneeze?’.
At the theatre, Crystal added this: ‘Dai’.
As he yet again studies it, a dodgy-looking boy snatches the list from Twitten’s hands, and races away.
'dodgy' is very slang and doesn't fit with the tone of the rest of the story
*it’s a bank robbery that happened more than ten years ago.
Crystal worked there at that time.
**charlady/charwoman: (British English) a woman whose job is to clean a house, an office building, etc.
Jan. 20, 2022
Twitten is also sure the culprit must be a professional hitman: you would not just kill a man in a theatre like that, which means someone must have been keeping a close watch on Crystal, which also means the killing was initially set aside/apart.
kind of to put off/ to shelve / to put on ice. The killer wouldn't kill Crystal unless he had to. Thus, he had been shadowing Crystal for a while, in order to check if Crystal knew or did something that would expose the killer to the police (the killer had robbed a bank ten years before, and Crystal had been a witness.) So, the killing wasn't premeditated. When both of them were in the theatre, the killer thought that something in the play jogged Crystal's memory to the robbery. I don't know if I've explained it in a clear way
Jan. 20, 2022
As he yet again studies it, a dodgy-looking boy snatches the list from Twitten’s hands, and races away.
Could "nasty" do?
Jan. 20, 2022
thanks a lot
Jan. 23, 2022
I think 'nasty' would be better than 'dodgy'
Jan. 23, 2022
thanks
|
Book - A Shot in the Dark - P29 This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Part twenty-nine. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
This story was deliberately written in present tenses (analyse it as if it is taking place as you read it). This story was deliberately written in the present tense |
|
Back to Constable Twitten. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He is awake lying in a hospital bed. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He keeps reflecting on today’s events. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Not knowing what Crystal recalled at the theatre, he grows increasingly uneasy; he has studied Crystal’s list a couple of times, but without much success. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Still, he believes Crystal’s murder is to do with the “Aldersgate Stick-up”*. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Twitten is also sure the culprit must be a professional hitman: you would not kill a man in a theatre like that, which means someone must have been keeping a close watch on Crystal, which also means the killing was initially set aside/apart. Twitten is also sure the culprit must be a professional hitman: you would not just kill a man in a theatre like that, which means someone must have been keeping a close watch on Crystal, which also means the killing was initially set aside/apart. the killing was initially set aside/apart - I'm not sure what you mean by this? |
|
Tomorrow morning, Twitten will first call Crystal’ secretary, Miss Sibert, to demand Crystal’s notes on the “Aldersgate Stick-up”, if there is any. Tomorrow morning, Twitten will |
|
Deep in thought, Twitten does not hear Mrs. Groynes approaching the room. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
As she enters, she notices the list, still in his hands, and enquires about it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He tries to explain as simple as possibile all his complex reasonings; in his mind, a station charlady** has limited knowledge of investigative police tactics. He tries to explain as simpl |
|
He expects her to snap at him for taking evindence from a crime scene, but instead she seems to agree on many things, especially on Inspector Steine. He expects her to snap at him for taking evi |
|
The two of them seem to have taken to each other. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Twitten is dismissed from hospital at midnight. Twitten is dismissed from the hospital at midnight. |
|
Instead of being driven to his lodgings, which is at the police station, he decides to walk as he needs to clear his mind. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Just after setting off, he realises he does not know the address. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He stops at the seafront to take in a remarkably moonlight scene. He stops at the seafront to take in a remarkably moonli |
|
He produces again the list. He produces |
|
Only four initial items, yet they seem all Greek to him: ‘own bags?’; ‘Palmeira?’; ‘run-over policeman?’; ‘a sneeze?’.
|
|
At the theatre, Crystal added this: ‘Dai’. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
As he yet again studies it, a dodgy-looking boy snatches the list from Twitten’s hands, and races away. As he yet again studies it, a dodgy-looking boy snatches the list from Twitten’s hands, and races away. 'dodgy' is very slang and doesn't fit with the tone of the rest of the story |
|
*it’s a bank robbery happened more than ten years ago. *it’s a bank robbery that happened more than ten years ago. |
|
Crystal worked there at that time. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
? |
|
**charlady/charwoman: (British English) a woman whose job is to clean a house, an office building, etc. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium