Jan. 12, 2022
Book - A Shot in the Dark - P28
Part twenty-eight.
This story was deliberately written in present tenses (analyse it as if it is taking place as you read it)
Inspector Steine and Sgt. Brunswick have finally put two and two together : Joanna Carver must be the culprit. The Inspector deploys the whole police force: they burst into the hippodrome, and go straight to Carver’s dressing room. The raid proves quite successful: a bag full of stolen pearls, a red wig and Joanna Carver with ice on her wrists. She obviously pleads herself not guilty; her version is she has been framed, was unaware of the found evidence, and worked all day. But it is all useless, for Steine is adamant: he cannot be bothered to pursue any case, let alone when, for a change, he does, and finds some evidence. Thus, in his view, the case is settled and so must be.
Meanwhile, young reporter Ben Oliver is weighing his options. He has to tread carefully, since his next action may well provide a breakthrough in his career. Having been at the theatre, he stands to* be the only reporter in town fully acquainted with the murder scene of the prestigious, national critic A.S. Crystal. Now, he is torn between the Daily Clarion ( Crystal’s newspaper and based in London with a national reach,) and the Argus (his newsaper and the important one in Brighton.) But why would he give such a story to a rival newspaper? The answer lies in his sheer ingenuity: the Argus’ next edition will be tomorrow afternoon (this being 1950s,) and such a story of national importance surely cannot await so long to hit the headlines. He also thinks it will get him a job in the Daily Clarion: that would be a swiflty climb for his career**. He makes up his mind, and confidently dialls the Daily Clarion’s number. By the time he hangs up, he feels totally flat. First, they kept asking questions he did not have answers to, and secondly it was clear he would get nothing back, well, not completely true: tomorrow morning he will have to face his lovely senior editor.
*”stands to be” or “is likely to be”
**or a thing like “from local to national level”
Brunswick have finally puts two and two together : Joanna Carver must be the culprit.
The Inspector deploys the whole police force: they burst into the hippodrome, and go straight to Carver’s dressing room.
But it is all useless, for Steine is adamant: h. He cannot be bothered tostopped in his pursueit in any case, let alone when, for a change, he does, andonce, he actually finds some evidence.
I was a bit confused but I rewrote to be a bit more natural and to fit what you meant?
Feedback
Cool story! I think there is maybe an overuse of colons. They are not necessarily used incorrectly, just used so frequently that it feels unnatural. Sometimes its better to break up a sentence with a period into multiple sentences.
Jan. 13, 2022
But it is all useless, for Steine is adamant: h. He cannot be bothered tostopped in his pursueit in any case, let alone when, for a change, he does, andonce, he actually finds some evidence.
he hated spending his time on police matters. A key feature of this character is that he strongly believed there was no more criminal activity in town, so anything that concerned such matters was not worth looking into, in his opinion. So, he wouldn't listen to her simply because it would mean to keep working on this case, and he absolutely didn't want that. I hope this explanation is clear
Jan. 13, 2022
thanks a lot!
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Book - A Shot in the Dark - P28 |
|
Part twenty-eight. |
|
This story was deliberately written in present tenses (analyse it as if it is taking place as you read it) |
|
Inspector Steine and Sgt. |
|
Brunswick have finally put two and two together : Joanna Carver must be the culprit. Brunswick |
|
The Inspector deploys the whole police force: they burst into the hippodrome, and go straight to Carver’s dressing room. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
The raid proves quite successful: a bag full of stolen pearls, a red wig and Joanna Carver with ice on her wrists. |
|
She obviously pleads herself not guilty; her version is she has been framed, was unaware of the found evidence, and worked all day. |
|
But it is all useless, for Steine is adamant: he cannot be bothered to pursue any case, let alone when, for a change, he does, and finds some evidence. But it is all useless, for Steine is adamant I was a bit confused but I rewrote to be a bit more natural and to fit what you meant? |
|
Thus, in his view, the case is settled and so must be. |
|
Meanwhile, young reporter Ben Oliver is weighing his options. |
|
He has to tread carefully, since his next action may well provide a breakthrough in his career. |
|
Having been at the theatre, he stands to* be the only reporter in town fully acquainted with the murder scene of the prestigious, national critic A.S. Crystal. |
|
Now, he is torn between the Daily Clarion ( Crystal’s newspaper and based in London with a national reach,) and the Argus (his newsaper and the important one in Brighton.) But why would he give such a story to a rival newspaper? |
|
The answer lies in his sheer ingenuity: the Argus’ next edition will be tomorrow afternoon (this being 1950s,) and such a story of national importance surely cannot await so long to hit the headlines. |
|
He also thinks it will get him a job in the Daily Clarion: that would be a swiflty climb for his career**. |
|
He makes up his mind, and confidently dialls the Daily Clarion’s number. |
|
By the time he hangs up, he feels totally flat. |
|
First, they kept asking questions he did not have answers to, and secondly it was clear he would get nothing back, well, not completely true: tomorrow morning he will have to face his lovely senior editor. |
|
*”stands to be” or “is likely to be” |
|
**or a thing like “from local to national level” |
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