Jan. 8, 2022
Book - A Shot in the Dark - P24
Part twenty-four.
This story is purposely written with present tenses.
When Twitten fainted at the theatre, an ambulance was promptly called out. He is now half awake, straining to understand where he actually is. When he has finally regained full consciousness, he is puzzled by something else: why is station charlady Mrs Groynes with him? He asks so, and learns Inspector Steine had him sent to the hospital due to his entertaining babble while being* unconscious. Mrs Groynes did not conceal the embarassing details from Twitten on two grounds: first, many of those present had laughed at him, secondly, everyone in town would soon be mocking him; indeed, it is not easy to live such things down in Brighton. To his defence, she adds that Inspector Steine admitted it was indeed a bloodbath. With her words sinking in, Twitten's unease grows: he should be there helping, and must report to Inspector Steine at once. Mrs Groynes reassures him that she has** filled in Steine already, since she witnessed*** the whole thing herself as well. She also adds that playwright Jack Braithwaite and actor Alex Forrester are the prime suspects, but they seem to have vanished. Yet Twitten still feels unsettled: he is wary of Mrs Groynes’ presence in the ambulance as well as at the theatre.
*Can I omit it?
** “has filled in” or “filled in” (regardless of "already")
*** ”has witnessed” or “witnessed”
When Twitten fainted at the theatre, an ambulance was promptly called out.
When he has finally regaineds full consciousness, he is puzzled by something else: why is station charlady Mrs. Groynes with him?
I don't know what "station charlady" refers to. If this is a title, it should be capitalized (Station Charlady Mrs. Groynes).
He asks sowhy, and learns Inspector Steine had him sent to the hospital due to his entertaining babble while being* unconscious.
"While being unconscious" sounds unnatural. "while unconscious" is okay. A bit more formal version is "while he was unconscious."
Mrs. Groynes did not conceal the embarrassing details from Twitten on two grounds: first, many of those present had laughed at him, secondly, everyone in town would soon be mocking him; indeed, it is not easy to live such things down in Brighton.
"on two grounds" sounds strange here. It is a set phrase that means something like "for two reasons" and you are describing details here, instead of reasons.
Mrs. Groynes reassures him that she has** filled in Steine already, since she witnessed*** the whole thing herself as well.
Because you are writing in present tense, "has filled in" and "witnessed" are appropriate. I think "filled in" would also be grammatically okay. "has witnessed" is okay with "has filled in", but sounds weird with "filled in".
Yet Twitten still feels unsettled: he is wary of Mrs. Groynes’ presence in the ambulance as well as at the theatre.
Jan. 11, 2022
Mrs. Groynes did not conceal the embarrassing details from Twitten on two grounds: first, many of those present had laughed at him, secondly, everyone in town would soon be mocking him; indeed, it is not easy to live such things down in Brighton.
no these were the reasons. the details were differents, and she had already told them to him
Jan. 11, 2022
Mrs. Groynes reassures him that she has** filled in Steine already, since she witnessed*** the whole thing herself as well.
Many thanks!
Jan. 11, 2022
Thanks a lot for your help
Jan. 11, 2022
You're welcome!
Thanks for the explanation -- I think I see what you mean now! I definitely missed that when I was reading it the first time.
|
Book - A Shot in the Dark - P24 |
|
Part twenty-four. |
|
This story is purposely written with present tenses. |
|
When Twitten fainted at the theatre, an ambulance was promptly called out. When Twitten fainted at the theatre, an ambulance was promptly called |
|
He is now half awake, straining to understand where he actually is. |
|
When he has finally regained full consciousness, he is puzzled by something else: why is station charlady Mrs Groynes with him? When he I don't know what "station charlady" refers to. If this is a title, it should be capitalized (Station Charlady Mrs. Groynes). |
|
He asks so, and learns Inspector Steine had him sent to the hospital due to his entertaining babble while being* unconscious. He asks "While being unconscious" sounds unnatural. "while unconscious" is okay. A bit more formal version is "while he was unconscious." |
|
Mrs Groynes did not conceal the embarassing details from Twitten on two grounds: first, many of those present had laughed at him, secondly, everyone in town would soon be mocking him; indeed, it is not easy to live such things down in Brighton. Mrs. Groynes did not conceal the embarrassing details from Twitten "on two grounds" sounds strange here. It is a set phrase that means something like "for two reasons" and you are describing details here, instead of reasons. |
|
To his defence, she adds that Inspector Steine admitted it was indeed a bloodbath. |
|
With her words sinking in, Twitten's unease grows: he should be there helping, and must report to Inspector Steine at once. |
|
Mrs Groynes reassures him that she has** filled in Steine already, since she witnessed*** the whole thing herself as well. Mrs. Groynes reassures him that she has** filled in Steine already, since she witnessed*** the whole thing herself as well. Because you are writing in present tense, "has filled in" and "witnessed" are appropriate. I think "filled in" would also be grammatically okay. "has witnessed" is okay with "has filled in", but sounds weird with "filled in". |
|
She also adds that playwright Jack Braithwaite and actor Alex Forrester are the prime suspects, but they seem to have vanished. |
|
Yet Twitten still feels unsettled: he is wary of Mrs Groynes’ presence in the ambulance as well as at the theatre. Yet Twitten still feels unsettled: he is wary of Mrs. Groynes’ presence in the ambulance as well as at the theatre. |
|
*Can I omit it? |
|
** “has filled in” or “filled in” (regardless of "already") |
|
*** ”has witnessed” or “witnessed” |
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium