June 7, 2022
Book - A Shot in the Dark - 82
Summary no. 82
The audience believed that Joanna Carver jumping up on stage and pointing a gun at Bobby Melma was still part of the play. But then, when the gun went off, the reality sharply came to them. Astonishingly, Inspector Steine also seemed too overwhelmed to do something. He wasn’t shocked by what had happened, in fact, he wouldn’t care about anyone but himself. He was simply disappointed that his going out to the Hippodrome had been a complete waste of time—he had found the play boring to death. Still, Steine did notice the strange man directing the ambulance staff. The man seemed familiar, but Steine couldn’t quite place him. In the end, Steine didn’t make much of him, turning his attention back to himself. As for constable Twitten, he was stunned to the point he questioned whether it was all the product of his own imagination. He strained to make sense of the whole scene, wary of Mrs Groynes’ wicked tricks; it might all have been staged to deceive once again everyone. However, Polly seemed genuinely distraught. As for Mrs Groynes’ reaction, Twitten wasn’t sure what to make of that, either. The fact that he still couldn’t understand Mrs Groynes was eating away at his confidence.
The audience still believed that Joanna Carver having jumpinged up on stage and pointinged a gun at Bobby Melma was still part of the play.
"believed" "jumped", and "pointed" occur at the same time, and moving "still" up helps with flow.
But then, when the gun went off, the reality sharpuddenly came to them.
"suddenly" anticipates Inspector Steiner's reaction.
Astonishingly, Inspector Steine also seemed too overwhelmed to do something.
"Astonishingly" doesn't make a lot of sense if it's not his real reaction.
HBut he wasn’t shocked by what had happened, i. In fact, he wouldidn’t care about anyone but himself.
"But" for consistency with the prior sentence. I also cut up the sentence for clarity. As for "didn't"- try to avoid the subjunctive when it's a presently occuring action. I won't say that "I would go to work" if I'm already at work.
He was simply disappointed that his going out to the Hippodrome had been a complete waste of time—he had found the play boring to deathdeathly boring.
Good joke. "deathly boring" makes it more clear.
As for cConstable Twitten, he was stunned to the point he questioned whether it was all the product of his own imagination.
I think Constable functions as a title but that might come down to dialect.
Feedback
Good stuff. Descriptive language is pretty good.
June 9, 2022
Thank you very much
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Book - A Shot in the Dark - 82 |
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Summary no. |
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82 |
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The audience believed that Joanna Carver jumping up on stage and pointing a gun at Bobby Melma was still part of the play. The audience still believed that Joanna Carver having jump "believed" "jumped", and "pointed" occur at the same time, and moving "still" up helps with flow. |
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But then, when the gun went off, the reality sharply came to them. But then, when the gun went off, the reality s "suddenly" anticipates Inspector Steiner's reaction. |
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Astonishingly, Inspector Steine also seemed too overwhelmed to do something.
"Astonishingly" doesn't make a lot of sense if it's not his real reaction. |
|
He wasn’t shocked by what had happened, in fact, he wouldn’t care about anyone but himself.
"But" for consistency with the prior sentence. I also cut up the sentence for clarity. As for "didn't"- try to avoid the subjunctive when it's a presently occuring action. I won't say that "I would go to work" if I'm already at work. |
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He was simply disappointed that his going out to the Hippodrome had been a complete waste of time—he had found the play boring to death. He was simply disappointed that his going out to the Hippodrome had been a complete waste of time—he had found the play Good joke. "deathly boring" makes it more clear. |
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Still, Steine did notice the strange man directing the ambulance staff. |
|
The man seemed familiar, but Steine couldn’t quite place him. |
|
In the end, Steine didn’t make much of him, turning his attention back to himself. |
|
As for constable Twitten, he was stunned to the point he questioned whether it was all the product of his own imagination. As for I think Constable functions as a title but that might come down to dialect. |
|
He strained to make sense of the whole scene, wary of Mrs Groynes’ wicked tricks; it might all have been staged to deceive once again everyone. |
|
However, Polly seemed genuinely distraught. |
|
As for Mrs Groynes’ reaction, Twitten wasn’t sure what to make of that, either. |
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The fact that he still couldn’t understand Mrs Groynes was eating away at his confidence. |
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