March 9, 2022
Book - A Shot in the Dark - 53
Part num. 53.
This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s unfolding as you read it).
Constable Twitten decides he will address the Aldersgate Stick-up case properly once back in Brighton. That is, assuming he will make it alive out of Bloomsbury. There’s no telling if someone is lurking outside* for him. Twitten sets about scouring the flat. He puts anything that might contain leads into the two holdalls** he has brought along. As he does so, he glances out of the window, down onto* the street. Twitten notices two men highly suspicious taking turns to glance up at* the flat. As Twitten takes their dodgy demeanours in, his mind races with thoughts. They could be criminals. Someone may have set him up. Or perhaps the place is surveilled anyway. Even so, Twitten shakes off any hesitation and fear. Being the quick-witted, meticulous person he is, Twitten is prepared for such contingency. He takes off his police uniform, puts on civilian clothing and makes his way out of the flat. As Twitten steps out of the door, the caretaker—who has remained there all along since he let Twitten in—cries out, “Who the hell are you?” Startled, Twitten jerks around and stares sheepishly at the caretaker. His fright turns to delight, as Twitten takes in the knowledge that his diguise works.***
*Twitten is in a third-floor flat of a building. I’m not sure if I used the prepositions correctly.
**Holdall is the British term for duffel bag.
***Would it be correct in this way: “...as the knowledge that his diguise works sinks in”? I feel that both the sentences are a bit stiff.
There’s no telling if someone is lurking outside*, waiting for him.
You can't lurk *for* someone, so another verb is needed to connect it to Twitten.
He puts anything that might contain leads into the two holdalls** he has brought along.
As he does so, he glances out of the window, down onto* the street.
Twitten notices two men highly suspicious taking turns to glance up at* the flat.
As Twitten takes in their dodgy demeanours in, his mind races with thoughts.
This just flows better, but originally it still made sense.
His fright turns to delight, as Twitten takes in the knowledge that his disguise works.
***Would it be correct in this way: “...as the knowledge that his diguise works sinks in”?
March 14, 2022
many thanks
|
*** |
|
*Twitten is in a third-floor flat of a building. |
|
I’m not sure if I used the prepositions correctly. |
|
Book - A Shot in the Dark - 53 |
|
Part num. |
|
53. |
|
This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s unfolding as you read it). |
|
Constable Twitten decides he will address the Aldersgate Stick-up case properly once back in Brighton. |
|
That is, assuming he will make it alive out of Bloomsbury. |
|
There’s no telling if someone is lurking outside* for him. There’s no telling if someone is lurking outside You can't lurk *for* someone, so another verb is needed to connect it to Twitten. |
|
Twitten sets about scouring the flat. |
|
He puts anything that might contain leads into the two holdalls** he has brought along. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
As he does so, he glances out of the window, down onto* the street. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Twitten notices two men highly suspicious taking turns to glance up at* the flat. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
As Twitten takes their dodgy demeanours in, his mind races with thoughts. As Twitten takes in their dodgy demeanours This just flows better, but originally it still made sense. |
|
They could be criminals. |
|
Someone may have set him up. |
|
Or perhaps the place is surveilled anyway. |
|
Even so, Twitten shakes off any hesitation and fear. |
|
Being the quick-witted, meticulous person he is, Twitten is prepared for such contingency. |
|
He takes off his police uniform, puts on civilian clothing and makes his way out of the flat. |
|
As Twitten steps out of the door, the caretaker—who has remained there all along since he let Twitten in—cries out, “Who the hell are you?” Startled, Twitten jerks around and stares sheepishly at the caretaker. |
|
His fright turns to delight, as Twitten takes in the knowledge that his diguise works. His fright turns to delight, as Twitten takes in the knowledge that his disguise works. |
|
**Holdall is the British term for duffel bag. |
|
***Would it be correct in this way: “...as the knowledge that his diguise works sinks in”? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I feel that both the sentences are a bit stiff. |
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium