helena's avatar
helena

Jan. 16, 2021

0
Boar #1

[ original, first version ]

In my workplace shift begins with roll call and his name was one of the few that I've easly learned and known who it belongs to. He caught my attention in the first sight, he seemed to be a very cool person. Confident. Funny. Experienced with work and people. He given this kind of "high school boy" vibe, even though he looks like full grown up men with his more than averge atlethic body and beard. But his attitude, jokes and sparkles in the eyes shown his very young, boyish spirit.

I think he didn't notice me at all. I was quiet, focused on doing my job. For first months completely uninterested in making friends or any socialization.

Things changed with the new year and his email - invitation for running session. I have a past with running. I came up to him to ask about details. In the ned those running session didn't work out, but at least or more importantly it started our relationship.

It grows slowly, organicaly.

I believe that for the beginning he was talking to me just to kill the time, to do anything except work. Maybe later he was talking to me bacuase I was always ready to listen about his passion.

He started to put tricks on me and I did not remain in debt. From turning off a device one of us was using or shooting the rubber band at each other to jostling and wrestling. It was fun, I smiled and laughed a lot thanks to him.

One of the reason I trusted him and felt comfortable around him was that I've known his girlfriend. She was working at the same company, but at higher position. She was beautiful, smart and kind. A bit intimidating for me. Because I respected her, I thought "If she trust him, then he must be a good guy and I can trust him as well".

We went to run together once. He gave me his banana to my oatmeal. During my vaccation I was updateing him how my running is doing. You know, small things. We were jus a colleagues from work.

There was... an accident in my family. He was one of the few that asked me what's wrong with concerd. He respected that I didn't want to talk about it and offered me a hug which I accepted.

Some time later there was something abviously wrong with him. I wasn't brave enough to ask why. I tried to find a balance between joking around and leaving him alone in peace. I wanted to my action speak "hey, if you need me I'm here, you can talk with me what's on your mind or I can help with distracted you from trouble". Even though I was full of doubts. Should I engage more? He surely have more trusted family and friends which he can talk with, who can give him a good advice and comfort.
I don't have enough wisdom nor experience to be a good advisor. I could only said to him "I'm sorry".

Some time later he said that actually my reaction was one of the best and that chocolate bar I bought, put in the box and throw at him from the distance (I tried to remain anonymous but somehow he figured me out) made him feel a little better.

Ironically, I asked his girlfriend what kind of sweets he likes and she suggested me that chocolate bar. Later I learned that she broke up with him and that was a reason for his anger and sadnes.

~ to be continued ~

#story#boar
Corrections

Boar #1

[ original, first version ]

In my workplace, shift begins with roll call, and his name was one of the few that I've easly learned and come to known who it belongs to.

He caught my attention in theat first sight, - he seemed to be a very cool person.

Confident.

Funny.

Experienced with work and people.

He giaven this kind of "high school boy" vibe, even though he looksed like fully grown up meman with his more than averge atlethic body and beard.

But his attitude, jokes and the sparkles in the eyes shown hised a very young, boyish spirit.

I didn't think he didn'twould notice me at all.

Your original sentence makes complete sense. But in English, we tend to say "don't think (something)", putting the negative with "think", rather than with the other verb. It's a bit odd, but it's just how it's normally said.

I was quiet, focused on doing my job.

For the first months I was completely uninterested in making friends or any socializationing.

Things changed with the new year and his email -: an invitation forto a running session.

I have a past with runn ing the past.

"I have a past with running" sounds like you're saying you have a "dark past", meaning you ran in the past but something bad happened.

I camewent up to him to ask about the details.

In the nend those running sessions didn't work out, but at least, or more importantly, it started our relationship.

I believe that forin the beginning he was talking to me just to kill the time, to do anything except work.

Maybe later he was talking to me bacuaecause I was always ready to listen to him about his passion.

He started to putlay tricks on me and I did not remain in debtcertainly returned the gesture.

I like the original sentence :) But it doesn't sound very natural in English so I've changed it to something which I think reflects your tone.

FromAs soon as we turninged off aour devices one of us was using orould be shooting thea rubber band at eachthe other tor jostling and wrestling with each other.

I'm not sure about the meaning here - which 'device' are you writing about?

It was fun,; I smiled and laughed a lot thanks to him.

You could also use a hyphen here (--) or write it as two separate sentences.

One of the reasons I trusted him and felt comfortable around him was that I've known knew his girlfriend.

She was workingorked at the same company, but at higher position.

She was beautiful, smart and kind.

A bit intimidating for me.

Because I respected her, I thought, "Iif she trusts him, then he must be a good guy and I can trust him as well".

We went ton a run together once.

He gave me his banana to add to my oatmeal.

During my vaccation I was updateing him on how my running iwas doing.

You know, small things.

We were jus at colleagues from work.

There was... an accident in my family.

He was one of the few that asked me what' was wrong with concerd.

I'm not sure which word you were meaning to type at the end, but the sentence sounds fine without it.

He respected that I didn't want to talk about it and offered me a hug which I accepted.

Some time later there was something aobviously wrong with him.

I wasn't brave enough to ask why.

I tried to find a balance between joking around and leaving him alone in peace.

I wanted to my action speaksay, "hey, if you need me I'm here, y. You can talk with me about what's on your mind or I can help with distracted you from troublewhat's troubling you".

Even thoughBut I was full of doubts.

Should I engage more?

He surely haves more trusted family and friends which he can talk with, who can give him a good advice and comfort.

I doidn't have enough wisdom nor experience to be a good advisor.

I could only said to him, "I'm sorry".

Some time later he said that actually my reaction was one of the best, and that the chocolate bar I bought, put in thea box and throew at him from thea distance (I tried to remain anonymous but somehow he figured me out) made him feel a little better.

Ironically, I asked his girlfriend what kind of sweets he likes and she suggested me that chocolate bar.

You could also say "suggested to me" (remember the preposition, 'to'), but it sounds fine without.

Later I learned that she broke up with him and that was a reason for his anger and sadness.

~ to be continued ~

Feedback

Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I really enjoyed reading it. You are very talented at writing out stories :)
If you'd like to ask about any of the corrections I've made, feel free to reply here or send me a message.

barleytea's avatar
barleytea

Jan. 19, 2021

0

I'd also be interested to find out about why the title is 'Boar'. I'm looking forward to the next entry.

Boar #1


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

[ original, first version ]


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In my workplace shift begins with roll call and his name was one of the few that I've easly learned and known who it belongs to.


In my workplace, shift begins with roll call, and his name was one of the few that I've easly learned and come to known who it belongs to.

He caught my attention in the first sight, he seemed to be a very cool person.


He caught my attention in theat first sight, - he seemed to be a very cool person.

Confident.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Funny.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Experienced with work and people.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

He given this kind of "high school boy" vibe, even though he looks like full grown up men with his more than averge atlethic body and beard.


He giaven this kind of "high school boy" vibe, even though he looksed like fully grown up meman with his more than averge atlethic body and beard.

But his attitude, jokes and sparkles in the eyes shown his very young, boyish spirit.


But his attitude, jokes and the sparkles in the eyes shown hised a very young, boyish spirit.

I think he didn't notice me at all.


I didn't think he didn'twould notice me at all.

Your original sentence makes complete sense. But in English, we tend to say "don't think (something)", putting the negative with "think", rather than with the other verb. It's a bit odd, but it's just how it's normally said.

I was quiet, focused on doing my job.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

For first months completely uninterested in making friends or any socialization.


For the first months I was completely uninterested in making friends or any socializationing.

Things changed with the new year and his email - invitation for running session.


Things changed with the new year and his email -: an invitation forto a running session.

I have a past with running.


I have a past with runn ing the past.

"I have a past with running" sounds like you're saying you have a "dark past", meaning you ran in the past but something bad happened.

I came up to him to ask about details.


I camewent up to him to ask about the details.

In the ned those running session didn't work out, but at least or more importantly it started our relationship.


In the nend those running sessions didn't work out, but at least, or more importantly, it started our relationship.

It grows slowly, organicaly.


I believe that for the beginning he was talking to me just to kill the time, to do anything except work.


I believe that forin the beginning he was talking to me just to kill the time, to do anything except work.

Maybe later he was talking to me bacuase I was always ready to listen about his passion.


Maybe later he was talking to me bacuaecause I was always ready to listen to him about his passion.

He started to put tricks on me and I did not remain in debt.


He started to putlay tricks on me and I did not remain in debtcertainly returned the gesture.

I like the original sentence :) But it doesn't sound very natural in English so I've changed it to something which I think reflects your tone.

From turning off a device one of us was using or shooting the rubber band at each other to jostling and wrestling.


FromAs soon as we turninged off aour devices one of us was using orould be shooting thea rubber band at eachthe other tor jostling and wrestling with each other.

I'm not sure about the meaning here - which 'device' are you writing about?

It was fun, I smiled and laughed a lot thanks to him.


It was fun,; I smiled and laughed a lot thanks to him.

You could also use a hyphen here (--) or write it as two separate sentences.

One of the reason I trusted him and felt comfortable around him was that I've known his girlfriend.


One of the reasons I trusted him and felt comfortable around him was that I've known knew his girlfriend.

She was working at the same company, but at higher position.


She was workingorked at the same company, but at higher position.

She was beautiful, smart and kind.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

A bit intimidating for me.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Because I respected her, I thought "If she trust him, then he must be a good guy and I can trust him as well".


Because I respected her, I thought, "Iif she trusts him, then he must be a good guy and I can trust him as well".

We went to run together once.


We went ton a run together once.

He gave me his banana to my oatmeal.


He gave me his banana to add to my oatmeal.

During my vaccation I was updateing him how my running is doing.


During my vaccation I was updateing him on how my running iwas doing.

You know, small things.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

We were jus a colleagues from work.


We were jus at colleagues from work.

There was... an accident in my family.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

He was one of the few that asked me what's wrong with concerd.


He was one of the few that asked me what' was wrong with concerd.

I'm not sure which word you were meaning to type at the end, but the sentence sounds fine without it.

He respected that I didn't want to talk about it and offered me a hug which I accepted.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Some time later there was something abviously wrong with him.


Some time later there was something aobviously wrong with him.

I wasn't brave enough to ask why.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I tried to find a balance between joking around and leaving him alone in peace.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I wanted to my action speak "hey, if you need me I'm here, you can talk with me what's on your mind or I can help with distracted you from trouble".


I wanted to my action speaksay, "hey, if you need me I'm here, y. You can talk with me about what's on your mind or I can help with distracted you from troublewhat's troubling you".

Even though I was full of doubts.


Even thoughBut I was full of doubts.

Should I engage more?


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

He surely have more trusted family and friends which he can talk with, who can give him a good advice and comfort.


He surely haves more trusted family and friends which he can talk with, who can give him a good advice and comfort.

I don't have enough wisdom nor experience to be a good advisor.


I doidn't have enough wisdom nor experience to be a good advisor.

I could only said to him "I'm sorry".


I could only said to him, "I'm sorry".

Some time later he said that actually my reaction was one of the best and that chocolate bar I bought, put in the box and throw at him from the distance (I tried to remain anonymous but somehow he figured me out) made him feel a little better.


Some time later he said that actually my reaction was one of the best, and that the chocolate bar I bought, put in thea box and throew at him from thea distance (I tried to remain anonymous but somehow he figured me out) made him feel a little better.

Ironically, I asked his girlfriend what kind of sweets he likes and she suggested me that chocolate bar.


Ironically, I asked his girlfriend what kind of sweets he likes and she suggested me that chocolate bar.

You could also say "suggested to me" (remember the preposition, 'to'), but it sounds fine without.

Later I learned that she broke up with him and that was a reason for his anger and sadnes.


Later I learned that she broke up with him and that was a reason for his anger and sadness.

~ to be continued ~


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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