April 25, 2020
Beauty Industry
The beauty industry plays a very important role in the modern world. It is impossible to imagine people's life nowdays without hairdressing salons, beauty shops, spa centers, etc. A beautiful and well-groomed girl has a good chance of getting married successfully. Glamorous boys are more successful in pop music. Well, the usage of cosmetics improves the skin condition, makes it more youthful.
Индустрия красоты играет очень важную роль в современном мире. Жизнь людей в настоящие дни невозможно представить без парикмахерских, косметических салонов, спа-центров и т.д. Красивая и ухоженная девушка имеет большие шансы выйти замуж удачно. Гламурные мальчики имеют больший успех в поп музыке. Ну и в конце концов использование косметики улучшает состояние кожи, делает ее более молодой.
Beauty Industry
The beauty industry plays a very important role in the modern world.
It is impossible to imagine people's lifeves nowadays without hairdressing salons, beauty shops, spa centers, etc.
A beautiful and well-groomed girl has a good chance of getting married successfully.
I wouldn't say 'successfully', it sounds kind of weird in this scenario.
Glamorous boys are more successful in pop music.
Well, tThe usage of cosmetics improves the skin condition, and makes itpeople look more youthful.
I wouldn't use 'well' here. It's not really a transitional word in formal writing. I would use it in conversation instead, but to say something contrary to someone else's point or to explain something.
"Well, you see, I actually think this instead ..."
Feedback
Amazingly well written!!
No grammar errors, just the two words I took out to make it smoother.
If you want it to be even more smoother, I would write it like this:
The beauty industry plays a very important role in the modern world. It is impossible to imagine people's lives nowadays without hairdressing salons, beauty shops, spa centers, etc. The usage of cosmetics improves the skin condition and makes people look more youthful, which is advantageous. A beautiful and well-groomed girl has a good chance of getting married successfully, and glamorous boys are more successful in pop music.
I moved the sentence about the cosmetics up because I think it sounds smoother to say it, and then list the examples you had written to prove your point.
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Beauty Industry This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The beauty industry plays a very important role in the modern world. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It is impossible to imagine people's life nowdays without hairdressing salons, beauty shops, spa centers, etc. It is impossible to imagine people's li |
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A beautiful and well-groomed girl has a good chance of getting married successfully. A beautiful and well-groomed girl has a good chance of getting married I wouldn't say 'successfully', it sounds kind of weird in this scenario. |
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Glamorous boys are more successful in pop music. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Well, the usage of cosmetics improves the skin condition, makes it more youthful.
I wouldn't use 'well' here. It's not really a transitional word in formal writing. I would use it in conversation instead, but to say something contrary to someone else's point or to explain something. "Well, you see, I actually think this instead ..." |
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