Co's avatar
Co

Sept. 28, 2024

0
Be Scary, But Don’t Stop

I want to tell a story near days. In dormitory I saw the roach. It walked with confidence at my chair. Is was not a first roach which I saw. When I saw in first time, I was nervous and disgusted to merely be in room, but now I can gather forces, grab any book and go to kill.
Unfortunately, I could to hurt, but he run away. But yesterday he walked in a wall and this was his end.

Corrections

Be Scary, But Don’t Stop

Stylistically you don’t capitalise every word

I want to tell a story near days.

In the dormitory I saw the a cockroach.

It walked with confidence atowards my chair.

Is was not a first cockroach which I sawthat I have seen.

When I saw int the first time, I was nervous and disgusted to merely be inbe in the same room, but now I can gather forces,my courage and grab any book and go to kill.kill it.

Unfortunately, I could tonly hurt, but it as he ruan away.

But yesterday he walked ion a wall and thisat was his end.

Be Scary, But Don’t Stop

I want to tell a story neafrom the other days.

In my dormitory I saw thea roach.

It walked with confidence aton my chair.

Ist was not athe first roach whichthat I saw.

When I saw inone the first time, I was nervous and disgusted to merely be in room, but now I can gather forces, grab any book, and go to kill it.

Unfortunately, I could to hurt it, but heit run away.

But yesterday he walked into a wall and this was his end.

Co's avatar
Co

Sept. 29, 2024

0

Thanks!

Be Scary, But Don’t StopI was Scared but Took Action

Something like this?

I want to tell you a story nearabout something that happened a few days ago.

In my dormitory, I saw the a cockroach.

It walkscuttled with confidence atowards my chair.

For bugs, we don't usually say walked. We use more awful words like "scuttled".

IThis was not amy first roach which I sawtime seeing a roach in my dorm.

Something like this?

When I saw int for the first time, I was nervous and disgusted to merely be in the same room, but now I can gaI grabbed ther forces, grab any book and go toirst thing I could, which was a book, so I could kill it.

Unfortunately, I could to hurt, but hen't hit it and it ruan away.

But yesterday he walked in a, it crawled out from the wall and this was hits end.

Feedback

You can use "he/she" to describe animals
e.g. He crawled towards my chair

However, especially for bugs, it's more correct to use "it".
e.g. It crawled towards my chair

Co's avatar
Co

Sept. 29, 2024

0

Thanks for your comments, it is useful!
I write in my dictionary: crawl, towards, scuttle

Be Scary, But Don’t Stop


Be Scary, But Don’t StopI was Scared but Took Action

Something like this?

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Be Scary, But Don’t Stop

Stylistically you don’t capitalise every word

I want to tell a story near days.


I want to tell you a story nearabout something that happened a few days ago.

I want to tell a story neafrom the other days.

I want to tell a story near days.

In dormitory I saw the roach.


In my dormitory, I saw the a cockroach.

In my dormitory I saw thea roach.

In the dormitory I saw the a cockroach.

It walked with confidence at my chair.


It walkscuttled with confidence atowards my chair.

For bugs, we don't usually say walked. We use more awful words like "scuttled".

It walked with confidence aton my chair.

It walked with confidence atowards my chair.

Is was not a first roach which I saw.


IThis was not amy first roach which I sawtime seeing a roach in my dorm.

Something like this?

Ist was not athe first roach whichthat I saw.

Is was not a first cockroach which I sawthat I have seen.

When I saw in first time, I was nervous and disgusted to merely be in room, but now I can gather forces, grab any book and go to kill.


When I saw int for the first time, I was nervous and disgusted to merely be in the same room, but now I can gaI grabbed ther forces, grab any book and go toirst thing I could, which was a book, so I could kill it.

When I saw inone the first time, I was nervous and disgusted to merely be in room, but now I can gather forces, grab any book, and go to kill it.

When I saw int the first time, I was nervous and disgusted to merely be inbe in the same room, but now I can gather forces,my courage and grab any book and go to kill.kill it.

Unfortunately, I could to hurt, but he run away.


Unfortunately, I could to hurt, but hen't hit it and it ruan away.

Unfortunately, I could to hurt it, but heit run away.

Unfortunately, I could tonly hurt, but it as he ruan away.

But yesterday he walked in a wall and this was his end.


But yesterday he walked in a, it crawled out from the wall and this was hits end.

But yesterday he walked into a wall and this was his end.

But yesterday he walked ion a wall and thisat was his end.

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