Jan. 17, 2020
Be careful what you wish for
I watched the dotted lines blurring past and the green of the road signs briefly lit up by the headlights. I was doing one hundred and thirty. The playlist seemed to have become too repetitive one thousand kilometers ago. I kept trying to fight off my drowsiness. To cover more than two thousand kilometers in just three days was by no means a small feat, but something that could be definitely managed with due caution. After all, if that woman could do it, so could I. It was the fourth day, but I was driving alone, after all. I turned the radio off and continued my journey in the sulky silence of my reflections. I wasn’t sure this was a better alternative, though.
“It’s all out of boredom. Neither of you has uttered the word. All these what-ifs and innuendos make no sense at all, and you both know that. Why, then, do you keep up these pretenses?”
I tried to push out this thought, the thought that had held me back for so long. “What if she doesn’t show up? I’ve had another episode like that before, and it still aches. Well, when something seems too good to be true, it is too good to be true. Oh, perish the thought.”
I took a turnoff and, after a quarter of an hour, parked the car near a desolate twenty-five storey building, which happened to be my rented Airbnb. The keys were left in the mailbox, just as it had been arranged. I entered a poorly lit elevator, the walls of which were tainted with graffiti and paper ads. The eighteenth floor.
The flat I entered was small yet surprisingly tidy. There was an electric stove in the kitchen, a decent shower booth, a rather comfortable bed, and a TV set, now mute. Given how little I had to shell out for this, it was more than reasonable. I stretched my back after the long drive I had just been through, got undressed and slumbered to the refreshing coolness of the shower. Jets of the pleasantly lukewarm water bit my body and chased my drowsiness and tiredness away. The evening ahead was going to be promising.
I put some clean clothes on and checked my phone. Five missed calls from an unknown number. Oh, let me guess who it could be. As if there could have been someone else calling. No.
One hour later, I found myself sitting in a café three kilometers away, a cup of coffee steaming in my hand, two thirds of a cheesecake on the plate in front of me. It helped me think. Whether or not it was a good thing remained to be seen. My smartphone buzzed with a notification. I didn’t bother to look at it.
Five minutes later, in the café burst a tall lithe girl with ash-blonde hair, the same mask of superfluous interest on her face, the same craziness beneath it, the same detachment in her eyes. How is this hard, glossy look called?
I recognized her, without a shade of fear. Oddly enough, I didn’t really feel anything. At first, my mind went completely blank. I felt neither fear nor revulsion nor any desire to talk to that woman. A wave of exhaustion seemed to have hit me again. I coughed to clear my throat, and involuntarily caught her attention.
I saw her flinch. I heard her gasp. That was enough. I should have seen a coward that she was back then, during our first and last adventure, when we accidentally went in a not so salubrious neighbourhood and spotted some miscreants dancing by their shitty music blasting from their cars parked nearby. No sooner had I become aware of this potential danger and started to think of the best possible course of action than she grabbed me by my left forearm and pulled me away with a force so incredible that I thought I’d get my hand strained. She hissed “Let’s get the fuck out of her, now” before I could feel the reassuring cold of a sharp slab of steel in my pocket. She wasn’t that ferocious, after all. Crazy, insatiable, yet cowardly. I would still like to have heard her scream in the receiver of my then-girlfriend when her shitty ploy failed.
My lips contorted in a derisive smirk, and my nostrils flared as the reminiscences were flicking through my memory. I slowly stood up and beckoned her over, my palm facing inward, my glare never leaving the pallid complexion of the girl. I watched her face growing paler than ever before, drooping with dismay and fear. I made a small step toward her, only to see her turning back and darting out of the café. As the door banged, I rested easy in the rocking chair I had occupied before. Through the window, I saw her rushing back into her car and driving away.
Be careful what you wish for
I watched the dotted lines blurring past me and (the green of the road signs briefly lit up by the headlights.)
What do you mean by the green of the road signs? I used ( ) to mark unfinished corrections
I was dgoing one hundred and thirty (miles per hour).
The playlist seemed to have become too repetitive one thousand kilometers ago.
I kept trying to fight off my drowsiness.
To cover more than two thousand kilometers in just three days was by no means a small feat, but something that could be definitely managed with due caution.
After all, if that woman could do it, so could I.
It was the fourth day, but I was driving alone, after all.
I turned the radio off and continued my journey in the sulky silence of my reflections.
I wasn’t sure this was a better alternative, though.
“It’s all out of boredom. Neither of you has uttered the word. All these what-ifs and innuendos makes no sense at all, and you both know that. Why, then, do you keep up these pretenses?”, I tried to push out this thought, the thought that had held me back for so long. “What if she doesn’t show up?
I’ve had another episode like that before, and it still aches.
Well, when something seems too good to be true, it is too good to be true.
Oh, perish the thought.
”I took a turnoff and, after a quarter of an hour, parked the car near a desolate twenty-five storey building, which happened to be my rented Airbnb.
Note in American English we do not say storey, but story
The keys were left in the mailbox, just as it had been arranged.
I entered a poorly lit elevator, and the walls of which were tainted with graffiti and paper ads.
The eighteenth floor.
The flat I entered was small yet surprisingly tidy.
There was an electric stove in the kitchen, a decent shower booth, a rather comfortable bed, and a TV set, now mute.
Given how little I had to shell out for this, it was more than reasonable.
I stretched my back after the long drive I had just been through, got undressed and slumbered to the refreshing coolness of the shower.
Jets of the pleasantly lukewarm water bit my body and chased my drowsiness and tiredness away.
The evening ahead was going to be promising.
I put some clean clothes on and checked my phone.
Five missed calls from an unknown number.
Oh, let me guess who it could be.
As if there could have been someone else calling.
No.
One hour later, I found myself sitting in a café three kilometers away, a cup of coffee steaming in my hand, and two thirds of a cheesecake on the plate in front of me.
It helped me think.
Whether or not it was a good thing remained to be seen.
My smartphone buzzed with a notification.
I didn’t bother to look at it.
Five minutes later, in the café burst a tall lithe girl with ash-blonde hair, the same mask of superfluous interest on her face, the same craziness beneath it, the same detachment in her eyes.
How is this hard, glossy look called?
I recognized her, without a shade of fear.
Oddly enough, I didn’t really feel anything.
At first, my mind went completely blank.
I felt neither fear nor revulsion nor any desire to talk to that woman.
A wave of exhaustion seemed to have hit me again.
I coughed to clear my throat, and involuntarily caught her attention.
I saw her flinch.
I heard her gasp.
That was enough.
I should have seen a coward that she was back then, during our first and last adventure, when we accidentally went in a not so salubrious neighbourhood and spotted some miscreants dancing by their shitty music blasting from their cars parked nearby.
No sooner had I become aware of this potential danger and started to think of the best possible course of action than she grabbed me by my left forearm and pulled me away with a force so incredible that I thought I’d get my hand strained.
Feedback
Awesome story I loved it! And great writing. You even gave me some trouble because I had to look up some adjectives that you used that I never seen before
Jan. 18, 2020
I watched the dotted lines blurring past me and (the green of the road signs briefly lit up by the headlights.)
Freeway signs are usually green.
|
Whether or not it was a good thing remained to be seen. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Be careful what you wish for This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I watched the dotted lines blurring past and the green of the road signs briefly lit up by the headlights. I watched the dotted lines blur What do you mean by the green of the road signs? I used ( ) to mark unfinished corrections |
|
I was doing one hundred and thirty. I was |
|
The playlist seemed to have become too repetitive one thousand kilometers ago. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I kept trying to fight off my drowsiness. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
To cover more than two thousand kilometers in just three days was by no means a small feat, but something that could be definitely managed with due caution. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
After all, if that woman could do it, so could I. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
It was the fourth day, but I was driving alone, after all. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I turned the radio off and continued my journey in the sulky silence of my reflections. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I wasn’t sure this was a better alternative, though. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
“It’s all out of boredom. Neither of you has uttered the word. All these what-ifs and innuendos make no sense at all, and you both know that. Why, then, do you keep up these pretenses?”I tried to push out this thought, the thought that had held me back for so long. “What if she doesn’t show up? “It’s all out of boredom. Neither of you has uttered the word. All these what-ifs and innuendos makes no sense at all, and you both know that. Why |
|
I’ve had another episode like that before, and it still aches. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Well, when something seems too good to be true, it is too good to be true. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Oh, perish the thought. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
”I took a turnoff and, after a quarter of an hour, parked the car near a desolate twenty-five storey building, which happened to be my rented Airbnb. ”I took a turnoff and, after a quarter of an hour, parked the car near a desolate twenty-five storey building, which happened to be my rented Airbnb. Note in American English we do not say storey, but story |
|
The keys were left in the mailbox, just as it had been arranged. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I entered a poorly lit elevator, the walls of which were tainted with graffiti and paper ads. I entered a poorly lit elevator, and the walls |
|
The eighteenth floor. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
The flat I entered was small yet surprisingly tidy. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
There was an electric stove in the kitchen, a decent shower booth, a rather comfortable bed, and a TV set, now mute. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Given how little I had to shell out for this, it was more than reasonable. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I stretched my back after the long drive I had just been through, got undressed and slumbered to the refreshing coolness of the shower. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Jets of the pleasantly lukewarm water bit my body and chased my drowsiness and tiredness away. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
The evening ahead was going to be promising. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I put some clean clothes on and checked my phone. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Five missed calls from an unknown number. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Oh, let me guess who it could be. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
As if there could have been someone else calling. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
No. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
One hour later, I found myself sitting in a café three kilometers away, a cup of coffee steaming in my hand, two thirds of a cheesecake on the plate in front of me. One hour later, I found myself sitting in a café three kilometers away, a cup of coffee steaming in my hand, and two thirds of a cheesecake on the plate in front of me. |
|
It helped me think. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
My smartphone buzzed with a notification. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I didn’t bother to look at it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Five minutes later, in the café burst a tall lithe girl with ash-blonde hair, the same mask of superfluous interest on her face, the same craziness beneath it, the same detachment in her eyes. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
How is this hard, glossy look called? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I recognized her, without a shade of fear. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Oddly enough, I didn’t really feel anything. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
At first, my mind went completely blank. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I felt neither fear nor revulsion nor any desire to talk to that woman. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
A wave of exhaustion seemed to have hit me again. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I coughed to clear my throat, and involuntarily caught her attention. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I saw her flinch. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I heard her gasp. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
That was enough. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I should have seen a coward that she was back then, during our first and last adventure, when we accidentally went in a not so salubrious neighbourhood and spotted some miscreants dancing by their shitty music blasting from their cars parked nearby. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
No sooner had I become aware of this potential danger and started to think of the best possible course of action than she grabbed me by my left forearm and pulled me away with a force so incredible that I thought I’d get my hand strained. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She hissed “Let’s get the fuck out of her, now” before I could feel the reassuring cold of a sharp slab of steel in my pocket. She wasn’t that ferocious, after all. Crazy, insatiable, yet cowardly. I would still like to have heard her scream in the receiver of my then-girlfriend when her shitty ploy failed. My lips contorted in a derisive smirk, and my nostrils flared as the reminiscences were flicking through my memory. I slowly stood up and beckoned her over, my palm facing inward, my glare never leaving the pallid complexion of the girl. I watched her face growing paler than ever before, drooping with dismay and fear. I made a small step toward her, only to see her turning back and darting out of the café. As the door banged, I rested easy in the rocking chair I had occupied before. Through the window, I saw her rushing back into her car and driving away. |
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