giovannatw's avatar
giovannatw

Aug. 11, 2025

0
bad day in Paris

In portuguese of Brazil we have the expression that says "Maré de azar", that means something like Sea surrounded with a bad luck. In 2022 my year stared with a very bad luck and covid! Yes, the first single day I got the coronavirus... after this a lost my job, I lost my grandma and my boyfriend had to moved to Germany for one year. So I wasn't so great, right? (kkkrying)

In May, I was talking with my boyfriend in a online chat, and we decide that I need to see him in Europe, and why not enjoy a Euro Summer. You know, europe in the summer is very, very great. So we buy the tickets (I spent like all my money, but what we don't do for love). I arrived and, we spent a few hours in Germany. After this we flew away to Paris, the city of lights, what can go wrong you think... But we don't have a lot of money, so we slept in a city not so close to the Eiffel Tower... And we slept in a student room very small, but come on guys I was in a Europe Summer!

So a background here, when I travel like in cars or buses I usually get nauseous, and I also usually have to take a pill to not get me sick... But the medicine I took to Europe make me a very sleepy person, and I didn't want to spend my first day sleeping. So, I decided to not take any medication and took a bus for one hour to the metro station, and after this we took another metro to finally arrive in Paris! But when we were in the bus, I stared to feel bad. I was hot, and I started sweating a lot, and my boyfriend's friend look to me and said that I was pale. When the bus finally arrives at the last stop, I thought I was going to throw up. But we need to run because our train will leave in soon. We stared to run, but my vision started been black. We stopped in the metro station, I lay down on the ground and I asked if they could lift my legs for my blood pressure to return to normal. We need to stay in this city and lunch there so I can recover.

When I was feeling better, I was really excited to enjoy the city, but I hurt my foot and I can walk a lot to see all the places I wanna go. So my boyfriend saw a few couples that were traveling in the city with a scooter. He thought “why not rent a scooter for me and my love??”, so I was waiting him and I sat on a curb on the street. After a few minutes I feel a paint in my chest and when I look down I see a Bee. A fu**ing Bee enter my shirt and stung me!!!!!!! And I had never been stung by a bee, so I didn't know if I was allergic...

Well, this was the begin of my travel to Europe... But just for you know, that was a very good memories too, good Aperol, good beaches, but the bad luck follows me all this trip and all my year. My boyfriend says in portuguese that are days that are night, and a think this expression fit with my 2022, if you know what a mean... Well, maybe I come back to write the time that I think I has been kidnap in Italy.

See you soon!

Corrections
0

In portuguese of BrazilBrazilian Portuguese we have the expression that says "Maré de azar", that means something like Sea surrounded with a bad luck.

Make it Brazilian instead of what you had before.

In 2022, my year started with a very bad luck and covid!

Just added a comma, and in this sentence you don't need the article "a" before luck. You still could it just sounds pretty unnatural.

Yes, the very first single day I got the coronavirus... after this aI lost my job, I lost my grandma and my boyfriend had to moved to Germany for one year.

Just fixed some grammar and spelling. Also added the pronoun I before I lost my job, as a lost my job is incorrect.

So I wasn't so great, right?

So I wasn't doing so great, right? sounds more natural but this is totally correct too.

(kkkcccrying)


In May, I was talking with my boyfriend in a
n online chat, and we decided that I needed to see him in Europe, and why not enjoy a Euro Summer.

Just changed the verbs to past tense, as present isn't right here. Also when a word starts in a vowel, you use an instead of a.

You know, eEurope in the summer is very, very great.

Just make sure to capitalize the name Europe as it is a proper noun

So we buy the tickets (I spent like all my money, but what we don't do for love).

Great! Just maybe change it to but what don't we do for love? Either way is fine and it's a style choice though.

I arrived and, we spent a few hours in Germany.

The comma is optional in this sentence because it's short, but if you did put it in it would come after I arrived.

After this, we flew away to Paris, the city of lights, what can go wrong you think...

But we don't have a lot of money, so we slept in a city not so close to the Eiffel Tower... And we slept in a very small student room very small, but come on guys, I was ion a European Summer!

So a, just some background here, when I travel like in cars or buses I usually get nauseous, and I also usually have to take a pill to nomake sure I don't get me sick...

But the medicine I took to Europe makes me a very sleepy person, and I didn't want to spend my first day sleeping.

But when we were in the bus, I started to feel bad.

I was hot, and I started sweating a lot, and my boyfriend's friend look toed at me and said that I was pale.

When the bus finally arrivesd at the last stop, I thought I was going to throw up.

Make sure the tense you use agrees with itself! If you start in present, like you did, make sure you end in it as well. e.g. "When the bus finally arrives at the last stop, I feel like I'm going to throw up" or something like that.

But we need to run because our train will leave in soon.

We started to run, but my vision started beeto turn black.

We stopped in the metro station, I layid down on the ground and I asked if they could lift my legs for my blood pressure to return to normal.

Again, just tense agreement.

We need to stay in this city and eat lunch there so I can recover.

Since you're telling the story from inside the point of view of the city, you would say here because you're telling it as if you're in the city.

When I was feeling better, I was really excited to enjoy the city, but I hurt my foot and I canhave to walk a lot to see all the places I wanna go to.

SoBut then my boyfriend saw a few couples that were traveling in the city with a scooter.

HSo he thought “why not rent a scooter for me and my love?

?”, so I was waiting for him and I sat on a curb on the street.

You could keep the I in this sentence, but it feels more natural to drop it.

After a few minutes, I feel a paint in my chest, and when I look down I see a Bbee.

Don't capitalize the word bee. Also pain instead of paint

A fu**ing Bee entered my shirt and stung me!!!!!!!

Past tense.

And I had never been stung by a bee, so I didn't know if I was allergic...


Well, this was the begin
ning of my travel to Europe...

But just for you to know, that was aere were very good memories too, good Aperol, good beaches, but the bad luck follows me all this trip and all my year.

My boyfriend says in pPortuguese that are days that are night, and aI think this expression fits with my 2022, if you know what aI mean... Well, maybe I'll come back to write about the time that I thinkI thought I hasd been kidnapped in Italy.

Feedback

Great work! Just some minor flaws, but definitely understandable

tea's avatar
tea

Aug. 12, 2025

0

Nice job again

giovannatw's avatar
giovannatw

Aug. 13, 2025

0

Thank you soooo much!!

bad day in Paris


In portuguese of Brazil we have the expression that says "Maré de azar", that means something like Sea surrounded with a bad luck.


In portuguese of BrazilBrazilian Portuguese we have the expression that says "Maré de azar", that means something like Sea surrounded with a bad luck.

Make it Brazilian instead of what you had before.

In 2022 my year stared with a very bad luck and covid!


In 2022, my year started with a very bad luck and covid!

Just added a comma, and in this sentence you don't need the article "a" before luck. You still could it just sounds pretty unnatural.

So I wasn't so great, right?


So I wasn't so great, right?

So I wasn't doing so great, right? sounds more natural but this is totally correct too.

(kkkrying) In May, I was talking with my boyfriend in a online chat, and we decide that I need to see him in Europe, and why not enjoy a Euro Summer.


(kkkcccrying)


In May, I was talking with my boyfriend in a
n online chat, and we decided that I needed to see him in Europe, and why not enjoy a Euro Summer.

Just changed the verbs to past tense, as present isn't right here. Also when a word starts in a vowel, you use an instead of a.

You know, europe in the summer is very, very great.


You know, eEurope in the summer is very, very great.

Just make sure to capitalize the name Europe as it is a proper noun

So we buy the tickets (I spent like all my money, but what we don't do for love).


So we buy the tickets (I spent like all my money, but what we don't do for love).

Great! Just maybe change it to but what don't we do for love? Either way is fine and it's a style choice though.

I arrived and, we spent a few hours in Germany.


I arrived and, we spent a few hours in Germany.

The comma is optional in this sentence because it's short, but if you did put it in it would come after I arrived.

After this we flew away to Paris, the city of lights, what can go wrong you think...


After this, we flew away to Paris, the city of lights, what can go wrong you think...

But we don't have a lot of money, so we slept in a city not so close to the Eiffel Tower... And we slept in a student room very small, but come on guys I was in a Europe Summer!


But we don't have a lot of money, so we slept in a city not so close to the Eiffel Tower... And we slept in a very small student room very small, but come on guys, I was ion a European Summer!

So a background here, when I travel like in cars or buses I usually get nauseous, and I also usually have to take a pill to not get me sick...


So a, just some background here, when I travel like in cars or buses I usually get nauseous, and I also usually have to take a pill to nomake sure I don't get me sick...

But the medicine I took to Europe make me a very sleepy person, and I didn't spend my first day sleeping.


So, I decided to not take any medication and took a bus for one hour to the metro station, and after this we took another metro to finally arrive in Paris!


Yes, the first single day I got the coronavirus... after this a lost my job, I lost my grandma and my boyfriend had to moved to Germany for one year.


Yes, the very first single day I got the coronavirus... after this aI lost my job, I lost my grandma and my boyfriend had to moved to Germany for one year.

Just fixed some grammar and spelling. Also added the pronoun I before I lost my job, as a lost my job is incorrect.

But when we were in the bus, I stared to feel bad.


But when we were in the bus, I started to feel bad.

I was hot, and I started sweating a lot, and my boyfriend's friend look to me and said that I was pale.


I was hot, and I started sweating a lot, and my boyfriend's friend look toed at me and said that I was pale.

But the medicine I took to Europe make me a very sleepy person, and I didn't want to spend my first day sleeping.


But the medicine I took to Europe makes me a very sleepy person, and I didn't want to spend my first day sleeping.

A fu**ing Bee enter my shirt and stung me!!!!!!!


A fu**ing Bee entered my shirt and stung me!!!!!!!

Past tense.

When the bus finally arrives at the last stop, I thought I was going to throw up.


When the bus finally arrivesd at the last stop, I thought I was going to throw up.

Make sure the tense you use agrees with itself! If you start in present, like you did, make sure you end in it as well. e.g. "When the bus finally arrives at the last stop, I feel like I'm going to throw up" or something like that.

But we need to run because our train will leave in soon.


But we need to run because our train will leave in soon.

We stared to run, but my vision started been black.


We started to run, but my vision started beeto turn black.

We stopped in the metro station, I lay down on the ground and I asked if they could lift my legs for my blood pressure to return to normal.


We stopped in the metro station, I layid down on the ground and I asked if they could lift my legs for my blood pressure to return to normal.

Again, just tense agreement.

We need to stay in this city and lunch there so I can recover.


We need to stay in this city and eat lunch there so I can recover.

Since you're telling the story from inside the point of view of the city, you would say here because you're telling it as if you're in the city.

When I was feeling better, I was really excited to enjoy the city, but I hurt my foot and I can walk a lot to see all the places I wanna go.


When I was feeling better, I was really excited to enjoy the city, but I hurt my foot and I canhave to walk a lot to see all the places I wanna go to.

So my boyfriend saw a few couples that were traveling in the city with a scooter.


SoBut then my boyfriend saw a few couples that were traveling in the city with a scooter.

He thought “why not rent a scooter for me and my love?


HSo he thought “why not rent a scooter for me and my love?

?”, so I was waiting him and I sat on a curb on the street.


?”, so I was waiting for him and I sat on a curb on the street.

You could keep the I in this sentence, but it feels more natural to drop it.

After a few minutes I feel a paint in my chest and when I look down I see a Bee.


After a few minutes, I feel a paint in my chest, and when I look down I see a Bbee.

Don't capitalize the word bee. Also pain instead of paint

And I had never been stung by a bee, so I didn't know if I was allergic... Well, this was the begin of my travel to Europe...


And I had never been stung by a bee, so I didn't know if I was allergic...


Well, this was the begin
ning of my travel to Europe...

But just for you know, that was a very good memories too, good Aperol, good beaches, but the bad luck follows me all this trip and all my year.


But just for you to know, that was aere were very good memories too, good Aperol, good beaches, but the bad luck follows me all this trip and all my year.

My boyfriend says in portuguese that are days that are night, and a think this expression fit with my 2022, if you know what a mean... Well, maybe I come back to write the time that I think I has been kidnap in Italy.


My boyfriend says in pPortuguese that are days that are night, and aI think this expression fits with my 2022, if you know what aI mean... Well, maybe I'll come back to write about the time that I thinkI thought I hasd been kidnapped in Italy.

See you soon!


Well, this was the begin of my travel to Europe...


But just for you not, that was a very good memories, good Aperol, good beaches, but the bad luck follow me all this trip and all my year.


The first single day I got the coronavirus... after this a lost my job, I lost my grandma and my boyfriend had to moved to Germany for one year.


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