today
An Overstocked Shop
I wrote it when I was in an awful mood. So there is a warning: it would be pessimistic.
...
I'm not sure I like my life.
On the one hand, I have everything I need. For example, I have a wonderful boyfriend, goals to achieve, and a job that I kind of like. I hate my work schedule, but this is another story.
I think it's me. I'm hyper-responsible when it comes to work, and I'm a worrier by nature.
There were periods when I was unemployed. They were very short, but still. I've recently taken a vacation. So, based on this experience, I can say that it doesn't really matter whether I have a job or not; I'll still find something to worry about.
Additionally, I think life is so boring. Of course, my goals are not easy to achieve, I have to do my best, but it's also not rocket science. I mean, somebody has already achieved them, there is nothing new. On the other hand, I know that I'm not able to achieve extraordinary goals, because I'm average.
When everything in a shop costs the same, you start to think what you really want.
I feel like I've been standing in the shop for hours, staring at a display.
"What do I want?"
Thoughts of what I should do flash through my head, but I stop them, because I'm already doing this.
"What do I want?"
I notice how others buy something and feel envious. Someone has become a flight attendant and travels a lot now. Another one has applied for a prestigious university. Would I like to be in their position? I don’t think so. I'm envious only of the fact that they have taken what they wanted.
After that, I start to think about my past. Maybe that's what I want. However, it's priceless, so it's not in the shop. I can take back neither carelessness nor my family. I could buy our house back (we sold it when I was a teenager), but it would be an empty house.
I take another look at the display and feel nauseous.
"I want nothing," I say with a shrug, and leave the shop.
I wrote ithis when I was in an awful mood.
You haven't introduced something to refer to by "it" yet, so you can't use "it". Since you're referring to the piece you're writing, you can use "this"
So there is a warning: it wouldbe warned: it's going to be pessimistic.
"would" in this context is used for speculating about something that hasn't happened. But you've already written this piece by the time the reader reads it, so it's not natural to use "would" here.
I hate my work schedule, but thisat is another story.
I mean, somebody has already achieved them, there isy are nothing new.
An Overstocked Shop
I wrote ithis when I was in an awful mood.
So there is a warning: it would beis pessimistic.
...
I'm not sure I like my life.
On the one hand, I have everything I need.
For example, I have a wonderful boyfriend, goals to achieve, and a job that I kind of like.
I hate my work schedule, but thisat is another story.
I think it's me.
I'm hyper-responsible when it comes to work, and I'm a worrier by nature.
There were periods when I was unemployed.
They were very short, but still.
I've recently taken a vacation.
Additionally, I think life is so boring.
Of course, my goals are not easy to achieve,. I have to do my best, but it's also not rocket science.
I mean, somebody has already achieved them, t. There is nothing new about them.
I broke up this sentence and the previous one because I think it made things clearer, although this is quite a minor point. In general stringing a lot of phrases together with just commas can make reading things lack rhythm or structure, although since this piece of writing is kind of a stream of consciousness, it might be more permissible here if it's a stylistic choice.
On the other hand, I know that I'm not able to achieve extraordinary goals, because I'm average.
When everything in a shop costs the same, you start to think about what you really want.
I feel like I've been standing in the shop for hours, staring at a display.
"What do I want?"
Thoughts of what I should do flash through my head, but I stop them, because I'm already doing this.
"What do I want?"
I notice how others buy somethings and feel envious.
You're talking about multiple people with "others" but "something" is singular, so it doesn't quite fit.
Someone has become a flight attendant and travels a lot now.
Another one has applied forto a prestigious university.
Would I like to be in their position?
I don’t think so.
I'm only envious only of the fact that they have taken what they wanted.
What you wrote isn't wrong, but this word order is more natural.
After that, I start to think about my past.
Maybe that's what I want.
However, it's priceless, so it's not in the shop.
I can take back neither carelessness nor my family.
I could buy our house back (we sold it when I was a teenager), but it would be an empty house.
I take another look at the display and feel nauseous.
"I want nothing," I say with a shrug, and leave the shop.
Feedback
This was quite a thought-provoking read, and it was well written too.
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There were periods when I was unemployed. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"What do I want?" This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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... This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I hate my work schedule, but this is another story. I hate my work schedule, but th I hate my work schedule, but th |
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I think it's me. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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They were very short, but still. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Additionally, I think life is so boring. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I notice how others buy something and feel envious. I notice how others buy You're talking about multiple people with "others" but "something" is singular, so it doesn't quite fit. |
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Someone has become a flight attendant and travels a lot now. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Another one has applied for a prestigious university. Another one has applied |
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Would I like to be in their position? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I don’t think so. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I'm envious only of the fact that they have taken what they wanted. I'm only envious What you wrote isn't wrong, but this word order is more natural. |
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After that, I start to think about my past. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Maybe that's what I want. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
However, it's priceless, so it's not in the shop. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I can take back neither carelessness nor my family. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I could buy our house back (we sold it when I was a teenager), but it would be an empty house. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
An Overstocked Shop This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I wrote it when I was in an awful mood. I wrote I wrote You haven't introduced something to refer to by "it" yet, so you can't use "it". Since you're referring to the piece you're writing, you can use "this" |
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So there is a warning: it would be pessimistic. So there is a warning: it So "would" in this context is used for speculating about something that hasn't happened. But you've already written this piece by the time the reader reads it, so it's not natural to use "would" here. |
|
I'm not sure I like my life. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
On the one hand, I have everything I need. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
For example, I have a wonderful boyfriend, goals to achieve, and a job that I kind of like. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I'm hyper-responsible when it comes to work, and I'm a worrier by nature. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I've recently taken a vacation. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
So, based on this experience, I can say that it doesn't really matter whether I have a job or not; I'll still find something to worry about. |
|
Of course, my goals are not easy to achieve, I have to do my best, but it's also not rocket science. Of course, my goals are not easy to achieve |
|
I mean, somebody has already achieved them, there is nothing new. I mean, somebody has already achieved them I broke up this sentence and the previous one because I think it made things clearer, although this is quite a minor point. In general stringing a lot of phrases together with just commas can make reading things lack rhythm or structure, although since this piece of writing is kind of a stream of consciousness, it might be more permissible here if it's a stylistic choice. I mean, somebody has already achieved them, the |
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On the other hand, I know that I'm not able to achieve extraordinary goals, because I'm average. On the other hand, I know that I'm not able to achieve extraordinary goals |
|
I take another look at the display and feel nauseous. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
When everything in a shop costs the same, you start to think what you really want. When everything in a shop costs the same, you start to think about what you really want. |
|
I feel like I've been standing in the shop for hours, staring at a display. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
"What do I want?" This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Thoughts of what I should do flash through my head, but I stop them, because I'm already doing this. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
"I want nothing," I say with a shrug, and leave the shop. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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