Aug. 27, 2024
A story with a streetlight, a bear, and a kid
“I feel sad” the boy thought after finding his parents arguing. Everything happened in just one second. He had the idea of walking to the kitchen for a jar of honey and mixing it up with his cookies. But as soon as he left the door edge, he heard voices speaking strongly against each other. It was his parents. He was used to it, but this time it was painful. They complained about him. “He only wants to eat his honey but does not pay attention to his studies” said the father, annoyed. The mother simply agreed, as her voice showed. After that brief and painful moment, they blamed each other for a bear they found in the garden. They blamed each other's dirtiness and disorganization. Following that scene, the kid stopped being hungry, and only wanted to sleep. But then, he thought, “wait a second! There was an animal in the garden!" . "Sleeping would only remove my opportunity to see a real bear” he considered. He left the house through the dark door, but he did not find any bear in the garden. After debating whether to leave or not the house, he decided to cross the gates. It was late at night and the street was empty, only lit by streetlights. There was nothing, and when he was about to turn away, there was a beautiful bear with an umbrella standing in the edge of the street. The bear was about to cross the avenue, but before doing it, it waved goodbye to him.
“I feel sad,” the boy thought after findinghe found his parents arguing.
He had the ideathought of walking to the kitchen for a jar of honey and mixing it up with his cookies.
Your sentence is grammatically correct, but it sounds a bit strange--I replaced it with a more idiomatic way of saying the same thing.
But as soon as he lefwent through the door edge, he heard voices speaking strongly against each other.
“He only wants to eat his honey but does not pay attention to his studies” said the father, annoyed.
Following that scene, the kid stopped being hungryAfter that, the kid was not hungry anymore, and only wanted to sleep.
It sounds strange to "stop being hungry." You usually only stop doing something that is an action, like "I stopped walking" or "I stopped dancing." Otherwise you would use the construction "was not...anymore" for example, "I wasn't thirsty anymore" or "Grandma is no longer young" rather than *I stopped being sad or *Grandma stopped being young.
But then, he thought, “wWait a second!
.
"SIf I sleeping, I would only remove mymiss the opportunity to see a real bear” he considered.
The right phrase here is "miss the opportunity to do something"--"remove the opportunity" is not idiomatic.
He left the house through the dark door, but he did not find any bears in the garden.
After debating whether or not to leave or not the house, he decided to crossgo through the gates.
You can also say "after debating whether to leave the house or not"
It was late at night and the street was empty, lit only lit by streetlights.
There was nothing, and whenas he was about to turn away, there was a beautiful bear with an umbrella standing inat the edge of the street.
The bear was about to cross the avenue, but before doing itcrossing, it waved goodbye to him.
Feedback
Very good composition! ! No major grammatical issues here, just some non-idiomatic usages. But you used many complex constructions and seemed like you really challenged yourself here, which is excellent! Please keep up the good work!
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A story with a streetlight, a bear, and a kid |
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“I feel sad” the boy thought after finding his parents arguing. “I feel sad,” the boy thought after |
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Everything happened in just one second. |
|
He had the idea of walking to the kitchen for a jar of honey and mixing it up with his cookies. He Your sentence is grammatically correct, but it sounds a bit strange--I replaced it with a more idiomatic way of saying the same thing. |
|
But as soon as he left the door edge, he heard voices speaking strongly against each other. But as soon as he |
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It was his parents. |
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He was used to it, but this time it was painful. |
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They complained about him. |
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“He only wants to eat his honey but does not pay attention to his studies” said the father, annoyed. “He only wants to eat |
|
The mother simply agreed, as her voice showed. |
|
After that brief and painful moment, they blamed each other for a bear they found in the garden. |
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They blamed each other's dirtiness and disorganization. |
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Following that scene, the kid stopped being hungry, and only wanted to sleep.
It sounds strange to "stop being hungry." You usually only stop doing something that is an action, like "I stopped walking" or "I stopped dancing." Otherwise you would use the construction "was not...anymore" for example, "I wasn't thirsty anymore" or "Grandma is no longer young" rather than *I stopped being sad or *Grandma stopped being young. |
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But then, he thought, “wait a second! But then, he thought, “ |
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There was an animal in the garden!" |
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.
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"Sleeping would only remove my opportunity to see a real bear” he considered. " The right phrase here is "miss the opportunity to do something"--"remove the opportunity" is not idiomatic. |
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He left the house through the dark door, but he did not find any bear in the garden. He left the house through the dark door, but he did not find any bears in the garden. |
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After debating whether to leave or not the house, he decided to cross the gates. After debating whether or not to leave You can also say "after debating whether to leave the house or not" |
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It was late at night and the street was empty, only lit by streetlights. It was late at night and the street was empty, lit only |
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There was nothing, and when he was about to turn away, there was a beautiful bear with an umbrella standing in the edge of the street. There was nothing, and |
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The bear was about to cross the avenue, but before doing it, it waved goodbye to him. The bear was about to cross the avenue, but before |
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