samu's avatar
samu

March 4, 2022

1
A Shot in the Dark - 51

Part no. 51.

This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s unfolding as you read it).

It’s usual custom for theatres not to stage a play when its respective playwright has recently passed away. However, the news of the murder has put the seemingly doomed play in a new light, increasing the interest on it. Rumour has it that it could be a theatrical success. When the theatre manager gets wind of that, he greedily thinks it a perfect opportunity which he can exploit to the full. He first cunningly fuels the rumour even further. Next, behind a in-honour-of-the-playwright facade*, he puts word out to cast that the show should take place. It’s amusing to see the manager outwardly keen on the play, given that he previously despised the play, regarding it as doomed and unremarkable. He even went so far as to advise would-be customers against the play.

Constable Twitten has finally reached Miss Sibert’s flat over** in London. He rings the bell outside the building, but no one answers. He then calls out to the caretaker, who promptly comes and leads Twitten throught, up the stairs and into Miss Sibert’s flat. Looking around the flat, Twitten draws that Miss Sibert is probably long gone. Which strucks him as odd since they arranged to meet up. Yet again, Twitten starts to think about the Aldersgate stick-up case. It has been at the forefront of his mind ever since Crystal’s murder. The thought that he’s yet to find out the truth is nagging him.

*I meant that he used this pretext to deceive the actors, appealing to their feelings towards the late playwright.

**I used “over” because he travelled from Brighton to London.

Corrections

A Shot in the Dark - 51

Part no.

51.

This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s unfolding as you read it).

It’s usually custom for theatrers not to stage a play when its respective playwright has recently passed away.

"Theatres" is correct for most English-speaking countries, I'm just offering an alternate spelling for American English

However, the news of the murder has put the seemingly doomed play in a new light, increasing the interest oin ithe play.

What you wrote is correct, but it may be a bit clearer to phrase it this way.

Rumour has it that it could be a theatrical success.

Again, this is an American English spelling alternative.

When the theatre manager gets wind of that, he greedily thinks it a perfect opportunity which, that he can exploit to the full.

Next, behind a n "in-honour-of-the-playwright" facade*, he puts word out to the cast that the show should take place.

It’s amusing to see the manager outwardly keen on the play, given that he previously despised the play, as he regardinged it as doomed and unremarkable.

He even went so far as to advise would-be customers against the play.

He then calls out to the caretaker, who promptly comes and leads Twitten throught, up the stairs and into Miss Sibert’s flat.

Which struckikes him as odd, since they arranged to meet up.

Feedback

This is excellently written! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and look forward to reading your future entries. :) I'm not sure if you wanted an American English perspective on some spelling, especially since this is set in London, but I offered it in case you did.

jogeumman's avatar
jogeumman

March 4, 2022

0

It’s amusing to see the manager outwardly keen on the play, given that he previously despised the play, as he regardinged it as doomed and unremarkable.

It’s amusing to see how we each focused on alternate halves of this sentence, with our stylistic suggestions! 😂👍

It’s usual customary for theatres not to stage a play when its respective playwright has recently passed away.

However, the news of the murder has put the seemingly doomed play in a new light, increasing the interest oin it.

Rumour has it, that it could be a theatrical success.

Next, behind a "in-honour-of-the-playwright" facade*, he puts out word out toto the cast that the show should take place.

I'm not sure if quotation marks are necessary, but I added them for readability... Devious theatre manager!

It’s amusing to see the manager outwardso seemingly keen on the play, given that he previously despised ithe play, regarding it as doomed and unremarkable.

Your sentence was absolutely fine of course. I just think "outwardly keen" sounds slightly wrong in my mind.

He then calls out to the caretaker, who promptly comes and leads Twitten throught, up the stairs and into Miss Sibert’s flat.

Looking around the flat, Twitten drawrealises that Miss Sibert is probably long gone.

I think maybe you wanted to say something like "Twitten draws the conclusion" or "Twitten derives from the state of the rooms" - which is very cool - but unfortunately "Twitten draws" isn't right.

Which strucks him as odd since they arranged to meet up.

I think this is acceptable, but it would might be more natural to say "This struck him" rather than "Which", because I believe "which" may be more natural almost as a kind of conjunction (sorry that my grammar is terrible, I rely mostly on intuition...)

Or you might have said, "This strikes him as odd" if this must be in the present tense, unfolding in real-time as you mentioned at the beginning.

*I meant that he used this pretext to deceive the actors, appealing to their feelings towards the late playwright.

Your intention was perfectly clear, don't worry!

**I used “over” because he travelled from Brighton to London.

Very natural and common phrasing, good job!

Feedback

I really loved reading this! Thanks for sharing 👍👍

jogeumman's avatar
jogeumman

March 4, 2022

0

It’s amusing to see the manager outwardso seemingly keen on the play, given that he previously despised ithe play, regarding it as doomed and unremarkable.

It’s amusing to see how we each focused on alternate halves of this sentence, with our stylistic suggestions! 😂👍

samu's avatar
samu

March 4, 2022

1

Thanks a lot

A Shot in the Dark - 51


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Part no.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

51.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This summary was deliberately written in the present tense (analyse it as if it’s unfolding as you read it).


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It’s usual custom for theatres not to stage a play when its respective playwright has recently passed away.


It’s usual customary for theatres not to stage a play when its respective playwright has recently passed away.

It’s usually custom for theatrers not to stage a play when its respective playwright has recently passed away.

"Theatres" is correct for most English-speaking countries, I'm just offering an alternate spelling for American English

However, the news of the murder has put the seemingly doomed play in a new light, increasing the interest on it.


However, the news of the murder has put the seemingly doomed play in a new light, increasing the interest oin it.

However, the news of the murder has put the seemingly doomed play in a new light, increasing the interest oin ithe play.

What you wrote is correct, but it may be a bit clearer to phrase it this way.

Rumour has it that it could be a theatrical success.


Rumour has it, that it could be a theatrical success.

Rumour has it that it could be a theatrical success.

Again, this is an American English spelling alternative.

When the theatre manager gets wind of that, he greedily thinks it a perfect opportunity which he can exploit to the full.


When the theatre manager gets wind of that, he greedily thinks it a perfect opportunity which, that he can exploit to the full.

He first cunningly fuels the rumour even further.


Next, behind a in-honour-of-the-playwright facade*, he puts word out to cast that the show should take place.


Next, behind a "in-honour-of-the-playwright" facade*, he puts out word out toto the cast that the show should take place.

I'm not sure if quotation marks are necessary, but I added them for readability... Devious theatre manager!

Next, behind a n "in-honour-of-the-playwright" facade*, he puts word out to the cast that the show should take place.

It’s amusing to see the manager outwardly keen on the play, given that he previously despised the play, regarding it as doomed and unremarkable.


It’s amusing to see the manager outwardso seemingly keen on the play, given that he previously despised ithe play, regarding it as doomed and unremarkable.

Your sentence was absolutely fine of course. I just think "outwardly keen" sounds slightly wrong in my mind.

It’s amusing to see the manager outwardly keen on the play, given that he previously despised the play, as he regardinged it as doomed and unremarkable.

He even went so far as to advise would-be customers against the play.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Constable Twitten has finally reached Miss Sibert’s flat over** in London.


He rings the bell outside the building, but no one answers.


He then calls out to the caretaker, who promptly comes and leads Twitten throught, up the stairs and into Miss Sibert’s flat.


He then calls out to the caretaker, who promptly comes and leads Twitten throught, up the stairs and into Miss Sibert’s flat.

He then calls out to the caretaker, who promptly comes and leads Twitten throught, up the stairs and into Miss Sibert’s flat.

Looking around the flat, Twitten draws that Miss Sibert is probably long gone.


Looking around the flat, Twitten drawrealises that Miss Sibert is probably long gone.

I think maybe you wanted to say something like "Twitten draws the conclusion" or "Twitten derives from the state of the rooms" - which is very cool - but unfortunately "Twitten draws" isn't right.

Which strucks him as odd since they arranged to meet up.


Which strucks him as odd since they arranged to meet up.

I think this is acceptable, but it would might be more natural to say "This struck him" rather than "Which", because I believe "which" may be more natural almost as a kind of conjunction (sorry that my grammar is terrible, I rely mostly on intuition...) Or you might have said, "This strikes him as odd" if this must be in the present tense, unfolding in real-time as you mentioned at the beginning.

Which struckikes him as odd, since they arranged to meet up.

Yet again, Twitten starts to think about the Aldersgate stick-up case.


It has been at the forefront of his mind ever since Crystal’s murder.


The thought that he’s yet to find out the truth is nagging him.


*I meant that he used this pretext to deceive the actors, appealing to their feelings towards the late playwright.


*I meant that he used this pretext to deceive the actors, appealing to their feelings towards the late playwright.

Your intention was perfectly clear, don't worry!

**I used “over” because he travelled from Brighton to London.


**I used “over” because he travelled from Brighton to London.

Very natural and common phrasing, good job!

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