Jack's avatar
Jack

Sept. 29, 2020

0
A road

A road
The fall leaves you can’t see
I have gone through it, so do you
I want to ask for your foot mark
But the mountains and the rivers are all stay silent
I went through the spring
I went through the four seasons
I went through the spring
I went through myself
Quietly
I come here from the past
With wind and rain on my shoulder
And I want to know what I am looking for
I went though the spring
I went through the four seasons
I went through the spring
I went through myself


一条路
  落叶无迹
  走过我走过你
  我想问你的足迹
  山无言水无语
  走过春天
  走过四季
  走过春天
  走过我自己
  悄悄地
  我从过去
  走到了这里
  我双肩驮着风雨
  想知道我的目的
  走过春天
  走过四季
  走过春天
  走过我自已

Corrections

A road

I have gonetravelled through it, so dohave you

But the mountains and the rivers are all stay silent

You cannot have both "stay" and "are" together because they are both verbs. Pick whichever you prefer:)

I wenttravelled through the spring

I think the word "travelled" would link better to the title

I went throughravelled the four seasons

I wenttravelled through the spring

I wenttravelled through myself

The word "travelled" here helps paint a more certain image

Quietly

I come here from the past

And I want to know what I am looking for

I went travelled through the spring

I wenttravelled through the four seasons

I wenttravelled through the spring

I wenttravelled through myself

Jack's avatar
Jack

Oct. 1, 2020

0

Thank you for your corrections.

A rThe Road

When you use "a" instead of "the", it could be any road. If you are thinking of a specific road, then use "the".

AThe road

The fall leaves that you can’t see

I have gonewalked through it, so dohave you

What have you gone through? I'm not sure what you are trying to say. Because this is poetry, I'm a bit nervous as my correction might not be what you want to say.

I want to ask for your foot markprint

Again, it is odd to ask someone for their footprint. The footprint is already on the ground, and is not for anyone to give or to ask for. Not sure what you're trying to say.

But tThe mountains and the rivers are all stay silent

I don't know why you would start this stanza with "but", as "but" implies you are contrasting something previously mentioned.

I wentalked through the spring

I wentalked through the four seasons

I wentalked through the spring

Why are you mentioning spring again? So you mean to use a different season?

I went through myself

I don't know what you're trying to say. You cannot go through yourself, as that is metaphorically and physically impossible.

Quietly

I come here from the past

With wind and rain on my shoulder

And I want to know what I am looking for

I wentalked through the spring

I wentalked through the four seasons

I wentalked through the spring

I went through myself

Same question as before.

Feedback

I think it is dangerous to translate poetry unless you are excellent at both languages. Because I cannot read your Chinese explanation as well as I wish I could, I'm having trouble understanding the meaning and I apologize if the way I corrected your poem does not represent what you really meant to say. I'm just curious why the title has something to do with a road, but you never mentioned it again.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Sept. 30, 2020

0

Thank you for your corrections and comments. I am afraid I cannot give you the answer to your question. It’s not I am not willing to, but I don’t have that abilities at now.

nschafer888's avatar
nschafer888

Sept. 30, 2020

0

no problem.

A road

A road

The fall leaves you can’t see

I have gone through it, so dohave you

I want to ask for your foot markprint

But the mountains and the rivers are all staymain silent

I went through the spring

I went through the four seasons

I went through the spring

I went through myself

Quietly

With wind and rain on my shoulder

And I want to know what I am looking for

I went though the spring

I went through the four seasons

I went through the spring

I went through myself

Feedback

Beautiful!

With poetic writing like this, it isn't always obvious what the intended meaning is, so I apologize if my correction seems off-base.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Oct. 1, 2020

0

Thank you for your corrections and explanations.

I have gone through it, so do you


I have gone through it, so dohave you

I have gonewalked through it, so dohave you

What have you gone through? I'm not sure what you are trying to say. Because this is poetry, I'm a bit nervous as my correction might not be what you want to say.

I have gonetravelled through it, so dohave you

I want to ask for your foot mark


I want to ask for your foot markprint

I want to ask for your foot markprint

Again, it is odd to ask someone for their footprint. The footprint is already on the ground, and is not for anyone to give or to ask for. Not sure what you're trying to say.

But the mountains and the rivers are all stay silent


But the mountains and the rivers are all staymain silent

But tThe mountains and the rivers are all stay silent

I don't know why you would start this stanza with "but", as "but" implies you are contrasting something previously mentioned.

But the mountains and the rivers are all stay silent

You cannot have both "stay" and "are" together because they are both verbs. Pick whichever you prefer:)

I went through the spring


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I wentalked through the spring

I wenttravelled through the spring

I think the word "travelled" would link better to the title

I went through the four seasons


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I wentalked through the four seasons

I went throughravelled the four seasons

I went through the spring


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I wentalked through the spring

Why are you mentioning spring again? So you mean to use a different season?

I wenttravelled through the spring

I went through myself


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I went through myself

I don't know what you're trying to say. You cannot go through yourself, as that is metaphorically and physically impossible.

I wenttravelled through myself

The word "travelled" here helps paint a more certain image

Quietly


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I come here from the past


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

With wind and rain on my shoulder


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

And I want to know what I am looking for


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I went though the spring


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I wentalked through the spring

I went travelled through the spring

I went through the four seasons


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I wentalked through the four seasons

I wenttravelled through the four seasons

I went through the spring


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I wentalked through the spring

I wenttravelled through the spring

I went through myself


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I went through myself

Same question as before.

I wenttravelled through myself

A road


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

A rThe Road

When you use "a" instead of "the", it could be any road. If you are thinking of a specific road, then use "the".

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

A road


A road


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

AThe road

The fall leaves you can’t see


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The fall leaves that you can’t see

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