June 7, 2020
A Retelling of Alice in Wonderland Part 2
Part 2
(I'm sorry, this story is long so I divided it into 3 parts 😓)
Alice found the rabbit running over there and followed him. The rabbit went into woods. When Alice went there, she saw a mansion soon and people gathered to have a tea party in the yard. Alice found the rabbit sitting at a table. She also found a familiar figure at the table.
“Mom!!”
Alice shouted. Alice's mother sprang to her feet in surprise.
“Alice! Why did you come here!?”
The parent and child were holding each other tight in tears.
“Why didn't you talk to me about your disease? Dad said you've been ill. You died of a disease.”
Alice said, and then Alice's mother kept silent.
“Not died of a disease, but she was killed.” The rabbit spoke out. Alice was surprised rather what the rabbit said than what the rabbit can speak.
“What? Mom was killed...? By whom? Why?”
Alice looked at the rabbit and her mother. The mother hung her head in silence. Other attendees for the tea party were quietly watching the three.
“By Judy”, the rabbit continued. “Judy joined your dad's labo as a research student and became interested in him because he is a famous scientist. Judy started to feel your mom was in the way. Judy purposely came close to your mom to make friends with. Judy and your mom often had some tea, eating sweets Judy made. Your mom was getting sick. Judy laced sweets for your mom with a slow poison. In the end, your mom died of the poison.
Judy likes sabotaging someone's happiness as well as stealing someone's thing. She has studied poisons. To satisfy her desires, she had fun poisoning people who were thought to be in the way.
She gets bored easily so your dad will be killed before long.”
Continues to Part 3
Dad saidtold me that you've been ill. You died of a disease.”
June 7, 2020
Thank you very much! Are others okay?? 😅
A Retelling of Alice in Wonderland Part 2
Part 2
(I'm sorry, this story is long so I divided it into 3 parts 😓)
Alice found the rabbit running over there and followed him.
The rabbit went into the woods.
When Alice went there, she soon saw a mansion soon, and people gathered to have a tea party in the yard.
It's a bit weird to have the soon there..
Alice found the rabbit sitting at a table.
She also found a familiar figure at(sitting besides the trablebit).
The sentence is fine, but It's a bit repetitive having 'at the table' in two sentences in a row...
“Mom!!”
Alice shouted.
Alice's mother sprang to her feet in surprise.
“Alice!
Why did you come here!
?”
The parent and child were holdingheld each other tight, in tears.
The tense in this is different to what you were using before.
“Why didn't you talk totell me about your disease?
Your sentence makes grammatical sense, but 'tell' is more natural here.
Dad said you've been ill. You died of a disease.”
Alice said, and then Alice's mother kept silent.
“NShe did not died of a disease, but she was killed.” The rabbit spoke out.
Alice was surprised ratherby what the rabbit said rather than wthat the rabbit canould speak.
Hmmm.. this sentence is a bit weird...
I'm assuming you mean this:
ウサギが話せることより、アリスはウサギの言っていることに驚いた。
“What?
Mom was killed...?
By whom?
Why?”
Alice looked at the rabbit and her mother.
The mother hung her head in silence.
Other attendees for the tea party were quietly watchinged the three.
Tense change here again.
“By Judy”, the rabbit continued.
“Judy joined your dad's labo as a research student and became interested in him because he is a famous scientist.
Either 'lab' or 'laboratory' would be fine.
Judy started to feel your mom was in the way.
Judy purposely came close to your mom to make friends withand befriended her.
Grammatically fine, but a bit unnatural.
Judy and your mom often had some tea, eating sweets Judy made.
Your mom was getting sick.
Judy laced the sweets for your mom with a slow poison.
In the end, your mom died ofrom the poison.
Not sure about this one. To me 'from' seems more natural.
'Died of poison' would be perfectly fine too, but you wanted to emphasis Judy's poison here..
Judy likes sabotaging someonother people's happiness as well as stealing someone'stheir things.
She has studied poisons.
To satisfy her desires, she had fun poisoning people who wershe thought to bwere in the way.
If you just have 'people who were thought to be in the way', that doesn't necessarily mean only Judy thought that, but other people too.
I think the passive here might similar to 考えられている
She gets bored easily so your dad will be killed before long.”
Continues tod in Part 3
Feedback
Wow good job! These stories aren't so easy to translate, but you did well!
June 7, 2020
I had two sentences that were difficult to translate. I’m glad to see you corrected them as I wanted to write. Thank you very much!! ^^
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A Retelling of Alice in Wonderland Part 2 This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Part 2 This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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(I'm sorry, this story is long so I divided it into 3 parts 😓) This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Alice found the rabbit running over there and followed him. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The rabbit went into woods. The rabbit went into the woods. |
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When Alice went there, she saw a mansion soon and people gathered to have a tea party in the yard. When Alice went there, she soon saw a mansion It's a bit weird to have the soon there.. |
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Alice found the rabbit sitting at a table. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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She also found a familiar figure at the table. She also found a familiar figure The sentence is fine, but It's a bit repetitive having 'at the table' in two sentences in a row... |
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“Mom!!” This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Alice shouted. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Alice's mother sprang to her feet in surprise. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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“Alice! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Why did you come here! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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?” This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The parent and child were holding each other tight in tears. The parent and child The tense in this is different to what you were using before. |
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“Why didn't you talk to me about your disease? “Why didn't Your sentence makes grammatical sense, but 'tell' is more natural here. |
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Dad said you've been ill. You died of a disease.” This sentence has been marked as perfect! Dad |
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Alice said, and then Alice's mother kept silent. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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“Not died of a disease, but she was killed.” The rabbit spoke out. “ |
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Alice was surprised rather what the rabbit said than what the rabbit can speak. Alice was surprised Hmmm.. this sentence is a bit weird... I'm assuming you mean this: ウサギが話せることより、アリスはウサギの言っていることに驚いた。 |
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“What? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Mom was killed...? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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By whom? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Why?” This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Alice looked at the rabbit and her mother. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The mother hung her head in silence. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Other attendees for the tea party were quietly watching the three. Other attendees for the tea party Tense change here again. |
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“By Judy”, the rabbit continued. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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“Judy joined your dad's labo as a research student and became interested in him because he is a famous scientist. “Judy joined your dad's lab Either 'lab' or 'laboratory' would be fine. |
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Judy started to feel your mom was in the way. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Judy purposely came close to your mom to make friends with. Judy purposely came close to your mom Grammatically fine, but a bit unnatural. |
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Judy and your mom often had some tea, eating sweets Judy made. Judy and your mom often had |
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Your mom was getting sick. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Judy laced sweets for your mom with a slow poison. Judy laced the sweets for your mom with a slow poison. |
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In the end, your mom died of the poison. In the end, your mom died Not sure about this one. To me 'from' seems more natural. 'Died of poison' would be perfectly fine too, but you wanted to emphasis Judy's poison here.. |
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Judy likes sabotaging someone's happiness as well as stealing someone's thing. Judy likes sabotaging |
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She has studied poisons. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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To satisfy her desires, she had fun poisoning people who were thought to be in the way. To satisfy her desires, she had fun poisoning people who If you just have 'people who were thought to be in the way', that doesn't necessarily mean only Judy thought that, but other people too. I think the passive here might similar to 考えられている |
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She gets bored easily so your dad will be killed before long.” This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Continues to Part 3 Continue |
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