July 26, 2024
A Modern Story (1)
Simon got up earlier than usual that morning. He had always hated getting up so early when he was young, but it had become part of his routine as he grew older. The whistling of the kettle pulled him out of his thoughts. He poured himself a cup of tea and dragged himself to his messy/cluttered desk. The ice patches on the windows became visible as the darkness outside lifted. After a few sips of hot tea, he set his pen to a yellowed piece of paper and began to write.
"In a land far, far away..."
"Wait, wait, wait... Are you writing a story?"
"Yes," Simon said
"Then why don't you start with the classic 'Once upon a time'?"
"Because this is a modern story. Would you please not interrupt? And anyway, who are you?"
"I'm the reader," said the voice.
"The reader? You can't be the reader. I haven't written the story yet!"
"I know that. Just pretend I'm not I'm here. I won't bother you."
"Fine, but I don't wanna hear a single word."
"Don't worry. I'll just sit here and be like a statue"
Samuel got up earlier than usual that morning. He had always hated getting up so early when he was young, but it had become part of his routine as he grew older. The whistling of the kettle pulled him out of his thoughts. He poured himself a cup of tea and dragged himself to his cluttered desk. The ice patches on the windows became visible as the darkness outside lifted. After a few sips of hot tea, he set his pen to a yellowed piece of paper and began to write.
"In a land far, far away..."
"Wait, wait, wait... Are you writing a new story?"
"Yes," Samuel said.
"Then why don't you start with the classic 'Once upon a time'?"
"Because this is a modern story. Would you please not interrupt? And anyway, who are you?"
"I'm the reader," said a voice.
"The reader? You can't be the reader. I haven't written the story yet!"
"I know that. Just pretend I'm not here. I won't bother you."
"Fine, but I don't wanna hear a single word."
"Don't worry. I won't make a peep."
"And stay there. Don't even move. Is that I clear?"
"Crystal clear. Can I just ask you something before you start writing the story?"
"No," Samuel said.
"Just a quick question."
"I said no."
"Okay... I'll just wait."
Samuel shifted in his chair. "Listen, man..."
"Reader. Remember I'm the reader," said the voice.
"I don't care who you are or how you got in my head. Could you please shut up? I can't write if you're talking!"
"I know. Sorry. Just one more thing. Could you scoot over a little bit to the left, so I can see what you're writing?"
"No, I can't, I'm left handed, and if you don't shut your mouth I'll do it myself."
"Got it. That won't be necessary. You're the boss here."
(To be continued)
A Modern Story (1)
Simon got up earlier than usual that morning.
He had always hated getting up so early when he was young, but it had become part of his routine as he grew older.
The whistling of the kettle pulled him out of his thoughts.
He poured himself a cup of tea and dragged himself to his messy/, cluttered desk.
The ice patches on the windows became visible as the darkness outside lifted.
After a few sips of hot tea, he set his pen to a yellowed piece of paper and began to write.
"In a land far, far away..." "Wait, wait, wait... Are you writing a story?"
"Yes," Simon said
.¶
"Then why don't you start with the classic 'Once upon a time'?"
"Because this is a modern story.
Would you please not interrupt?
And anyway, who are you?"
"I'm the reader," said the voice.
"The reader?
You can't be the reader.
I haven't written the story yet!"
"I know that.
Just pretend I'm not I'm here.
I won't bother you."
"Fine, but I don't wanna hear a single word."
"Don't worry.
I'll just sit here and be like a statue."
A Modern Story (1)
Simon got up earlier than usual that morning.
He had always hated getting up so early when he was young, but it had become part of his routine as he grew older.
The whistling of the kettle pulled him out of his thoughts.
He poured himself a cup of tea and dragged himself to his messy/cluttered desk.
Hmm.. I think both messy and cluttered would be equally appropriate here. If I were writing it though, I'd probably say "cluttered"
The ice patches on the windows became visible as the darkness outside lifted.
After a few sips of hot tea, he set his pen to a yellowed piece of paper and began to write.
"In a land far, far away..." "Wait, wait, wait... Are you writing a story?"
"Yes," Simon said "Then why don't you start with the classic 'Once upon a time'?"
"Because this is a modern story.
Would you please not interrupt?
And anyway, who are you?"
"I'm the reader," said the voice.
"The reader?
You can't be the reader.
I haven't written the story yet!"
"I know that.
Just pretend I'm not I'm here.
I won't bother you."
"Fine, but I don't wanna (or, "want to") hear a single word."
This sentence is correct. However, when writing a story or book we usually don't use "wanna" because that's more of an informal/slang contraction used on social media or when texting. Though I guess it's possible it could be used more in formal writing in the future..
"Don't worry.
I'll just sit here and be like a statue"
Feedback
I like your writing style ^^ and your English is great. I also struggle with thinking too much about the reader's perspective when writing
July 28, 2024
Thanks, DBee. I wasn't sure about how to introduce the reader's voice. Very helpful corrections. Thank you!
July 28, 2024
I'm new. How do users know their posts are available for correction?
July 30, 2024
If you click on your profile, where it shows an "M" at the top right of your screen, there should be a list of options that opens up. The first option says "Get Premium" and then the 2nd option under that says "My Journals". Click on "My Journals" and all your posts should show up in a list. Then in the second to the last column it says whether your post is public or not. If your post is public, that means it's available for correction and you can receive and view your feedback.
July 30, 2024
Thank you!
A Modern Story (1)
Simon got up earlier than usual that morning.
He had always hated getting up so early when he was young, but it had become part of his routine as he grew older.
The whistling of the kettle pulled him out of his thoughts.
He poured himself a cup of tea and dragged himself to his messy/, cluttered desk.
Using "/" when trying to describe something in writing a literary work shows that the writer is indecisive and lacks creativity
The ice patches on the windows became visible as the darkness outside lifted.
After a few sips of hot tea, he set his pen to a yellowed piece of paper and began to write.
"Yes," Simon said "Then why don't you start with the classic 'Once upon a time'?"
"Because this is a modern story.
Would you please not interrupt?
And anyway, who are you?"
"I'm the reader," said the voice.
"The reader?
You can't be the reader.
I haven't written the story yet!"
"I know that.
Just pretend I'm not I'm here.
I won't bother you."
"Fine, but I don't wanna hear a single word."
"Don't worry.
I'll just sit here and be like a statue"
Feedback
Excellent writing!
July 26, 2024
Yes, that's how I feel, indecisive. Ths is my way of asking the correctors which of the two would fit better. Thanks for letting me know. I'm new here and still figuring out how this platform works.
July 27, 2024
Sorry, the message wasn't for you. Thank you for your feedback.
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"I'm the reader," said the voice. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"The reader? This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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You can't be the reader. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I haven't written the story yet!" This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"I know that. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Just pretend I'm not I'm here. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! Just pretend I'm not |
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I won't bother you." This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"Fine, but I don't wanna hear a single word." This sentence has been marked as perfect! "Fine, but I don't wanna (or, "want to") hear a single word." This sentence is correct. However, when writing a story or book we usually don't use "wanna" because that's more of an informal/slang contraction used on social media or when texting. Though I guess it's possible it could be used more in formal writing in the future.. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"Don't worry. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I'll just sit here and be like a statue" This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! I'll just sit here and be like a statue." |
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A Modern Story (1) This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Simon got up earlier than usual that morning. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He had always hated getting up so early when he was young, but it had become part of his routine as he grew older. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The whistling of the kettle pulled him out of his thoughts. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He poured himself a cup of tea and dragged himself to his messy/cluttered desk. He poured himself a cup of tea and dragged himself to his messy Using "/" when trying to describe something in writing a literary work shows that the writer is indecisive and lacks creativity He poured himself a cup of tea and dragged himself to his messy/cluttered desk. Hmm.. I think both messy and cluttered would be equally appropriate here. If I were writing it though, I'd probably say "cluttered" He poured himself a cup of tea and dragged himself to his messy |
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The ice patches on the windows became visible as the darkness outside lifted. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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After a few sips of hot tea, he set his pen to a yellowed piece of paper and began to write. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"In a land far, far away..." "Wait, wait, wait... Are you writing a story?" This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"Yes," Simon said "Then why don't you start with the classic 'Once upon a time'?" This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! "Yes," Simon said |
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"Because this is a modern story. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Would you please not interrupt? This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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And anyway, who are you?" This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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