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A Man Who Gets On the Road With A Dream
There is a man named Santiago. He has same dream 2 times. It felt so real therefore he wants to go somewhere to understand what his dream means. The person who go to learn meaning of his dream, says “You have a treasure but I am going to tell where it is if you give 1/10 your treasure.”He does not believe at the beginning and he says “Okay, I will” by thinking this is not true even and learns that his treasure is next to the Pyramids. He does not believe and at the same time thinks “If it is true?”. He gives up being a clergyman which is a request of his parents, and becomes a sheephead wich he could travel around the world and see it. So he really wants to go to Pyramids but he does not want to leave his sheeps behind. These sheeps became his everything during years. For instance, one of the sheeps, has a problem with its leg. Therefore he shows special attention for it. As a result of his internal deliberations, he does not go anywhere.
One day, while he is reading book, an old man comes to talk with him. The old man persists to have a conversation even though he does not want. He just wants to read his book without any interrupts. Although he does not hear the old man, he is telling something still. Suddenly, old man starts telling Santiago’s whole life. I mean his WHOLE LİFE. EVERYTHİNG. He lifts his head from book he reads and looks soil. The old man draws his life by telling so realistic way. The old man wants 1/10 of his sheeps for saying something about his treasure. He accepts and learns something about his treasure again. The old man says”That is your personal legend. If you do not make your personal legend real, you will be like everyone who only wants to stay alive without any meaning. That is your choice. And also do not forget that the universe does not turns back to someone tries to make his/her personel legend real.
During couple days, he thinks what to do. He needs to make decisions. To do what he knows already or to do what he wants but does not know anything about and giving up everything he has now.
He chose make his dream real. He sold his sheeps and sets of with this money. He needs an assistant because he does not know language which is used in Egypt. He meets with a foreigner. The foreigner accepts to help him. They go somewhere to eat. Santiago has no idea about what to eat and asks for choosing and paying for meal and he also trusts his money to this foreigner. The owner of the restaurant comes and says something in different language but an angry way. After that, foreigner says “Let’s get out of here.” They eat and drink. He has his first problem at the morning. The foreigner defrauts him. He has no money anymore. He chooses to get a job to comeback to home. He finds a work at a glass factory. He works there a year. The work at the glass factory adds lots of value to him. For example, this glass factory does not have so much custumer because his place is at tap of uphill and a few people walk up the hill. A little while later, Santiago realises that after tourists walking up the hill, they need some drinks or just a cup of cold water. He offers to serve drinks with products at the shop to tourists to owner. After they start to do that, this shop becomes famous.
“Give people what they need.”
At the end of the year, he decided to continue his road. He sets off again.
He has to pass the huge desert. It will take so much time and be dangerous. He finds an alchemist who accepts to help him. A war breaks out in the desert. He must stay somewhere for a while. He meets with a woman in there and she becomes his love of life. However everyone has a personal legend, she has, he has, too. They love each other. But it will take time to become each other because love is not a barrier, it makes life meaningful, means sharing everything. Therefore they do not stop each other. He will come back again after finding his treasure and she will do her own. (If they go together? I do not know🤷🏻♀️)
He and Alchemist set off again, despite the war. Armed foreign men block their way, they look for their belongings and ask what they are doing here during the war. Soldiers ask what it is. The Alchemist says “This is the elixir of immortality and this is the Philosopher's stone. Soldiers laugh and let them go. Santiago is surprised and wonders why the Alchemist said to soldiers true, they could confiscate. The alchemist says “People are blind to what is right in front of them.”
They meet a person on the way. The Alchemist gives them some gold.
That person says “This is so much for me.”
The Alchemist says “Do not say that again. You deserve so much everytime.”
THe Alchemist gives so much gold to Santiago, too. But he does not say anything.
At the end of the novel Santiago finds his treasure and is proud of himself to make his personal legend real.
There is a man named Santiago.
He has the same dream 2 times. (or twice)
It felt so real therefore he wants to go somewhere to understand whatseek the meaning of his dream means.
The person whom he goes to, learn about the meaning of his dream, and says “You have a treasure, but I am only going to tell you where it is if you give 1/10 your treasure.”
He does not believe that at the beginning and he says “Okay, I will” by, thinking that this is not true even andanyway. With that, he learns that his treasure is next to the Pyramids.
HEven though he does not believe andin it, at the same time he thinks “Ito himself “What if it is true?”.
He gives up being a clergyman which is a request of his parents, and becomes a sheepheard wichso he couldan travel aroundnd see the world and see it.
I believe you meant to say shepherd, since sheephead is a kind of fish.
So he really wants to go tovisit the Pyramids but he does not want to leave his sheeps behind.
sheep is special in that the plural of sheep is also sheep.
These sheep has becaome his everything duringto him all these years.
For instance, one of the sheeps, has a problem with its leg.
Therefore he shows special attention forto it.
As a result of his internal deliberations, he dochooses not to go anywhere.
One day, while he is reading a book, an old man comes to talk with him.
The old man persists in trying to have a conversation, even though he does not want to.
or:
insists on having a conversation
He just wants to read his book without any interruptsion.
Although he doeis not hrearlly listening to the old man, the is tellingold man says something stillanyway.
since "he" is being used to refer to Santiago the whole time, you have to explicitly say "the old man" to let the readers know who "he" you are referring to.
Suddenly, the old man starts telling the story of Santiago’s whole life.
I mean hHis WHOLE LİFE.
since you yourself were never in the narrative, "I" should not suddenly appear unless that truly is what you wanted. (to come out of nowhere and explain to the readers)
He lifts his head away from the book he is readsing and looks soilhocked.
The old man drawsis describing his life by telling so realisticuch a detailed way.
The old man wants 1/10 of his sheeps for saying somethingtelling him about his treasure.
He accepts and learns something about his treasure again.
The old man says, ”That is your personal legend."
While not entirely wrong, a little awkward to say "personal legend", usually just "your legend" should be enough.
If you do not make your personal legend real, you will just be like everyone else who only wants to stay alive without any meaning.
That is your choice.
And also do not forget that the universe does not turns back to someone triesgive a second chance to anyone to make his/her personeal legend real.
DuringIn the next couple days, he thinks about what to do.
He needs to make a decisions.
To do what he knows already or to do what he wants but does not know anything about and giving upe up on everything he has now.
He chooses to make his dream real.
staying with present tense to be consistent with the rest of the story.
He soldells his sheeps and sets off with thise money.
He needs an assistant because he does not know the language which isbeing used in Egypt.
He meets with a foreigner.
The foreigner accepts to help him.
They go somewhere to eat.
Santiago has no idea about what to eat and asks forwhat they should eat and asks the foreigner to choosinge and paying for the meal and he also trusts his moneywith the money he entrusted to thise foreigner.
The owner of the restaurant comes and says something in differenta foreign language butin an angry way.
After that, the foreigner says “Let’s get out of here.”
They eat and drink.
He has his first problem atin the morning.
The foreigner defrauts himtook off with his money.
He has no money anymore.
He chooses to get a job tso comehe can eventually go back to home.
He fiounds a workjob at a glass factory.
in this case, it has to be past tense since it means he got the job rather than still looking for one.
He works there for a year.
The work at the glass factory adds lots of value to him.
For example, this glass factory does not have so much custuomers because histhe place is at tahe top of an uphill and a few people want to walk up the hillre.
A little while later, Santiago realises that after tourists walking up the hill, they need some drinks or just a cup of cold water.
He offers to serve drinks with productsuggested to the owner that he can serve the drinks at the shop to the tourists to owner.
After they start to dodoing that, this shop becomes famous.
“Give people what they need.”
At the end of the year, he decided to continue his roadjourney.
He sets off again.
He has to pass the huge desert.
It will take so much time and be dangerous.
He fiounds an alchemist who accepts to help him.
A war breaks out in the desert.
He must stay somewhere for a while.
He meets with a woman in there and she becomes histhe love of his life.
However everyone has a personal legend, s. She has, one, and he has, one too.
They love each other.
Feedback
Sorry, I run out of time to correct them all. It is an interesting story though!
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A Man Who Gets On the Road With A Dream |
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After they start to do that, this shop becomes famous. After they start |
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“Give people what they need.” This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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At the end of the year, he decided to continue his road. At the end of the year, he decided to continue his |
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He sets off again. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He has to pass the huge desert. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
It will take so much time and be dangerous. It will take so much time and |
|
He finds an alchemist who accepts to help him. He f |
|
A war breaks out in the desert. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He must stay somewhere for a while. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He meets with a woman in there and she becomes his love of life. He meets |
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However everyone has a personal legend, she has, he has, too. However everyone has a personal legend |
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They love each other. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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But it will take time to become each other because love is not a barrier, it makes life meaningful, means sharing everything. |
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Therefore they do not stop each other. |
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There is a man named Santiago. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He has same dream 2 times. He has the same dream 2 times. (or twice) |
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It felt so real therefore he wants to go somewhere to understand what his dream means. It felt so real therefore he wants to |
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The person who go to learn meaning of his dream, says “You have a treasure but I am going to tell where it is if you give 1/10 your treasure.” The person whom he goes to, learn about the meaning of his dream |
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He does not believe at the beginning and he says “Okay, I will” by thinking this is not true even and learns that his treasure is next to the Pyramids. He does not believe that at the beginning and |
|
He does not believe and at the same time thinks “If it is true?”.
|
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He gives up being a clergyman which is a request of his parents, and becomes a sheephead wich he could travel around the world and see it. He gives up being a clergyman which is a request of his parents, and becomes a she I believe you meant to say shepherd, since sheephead is a kind of fish. |
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So he really wants to go to Pyramids but he does not want to leave his sheeps behind. So he really wants to sheep is special in that the plural of sheep is also sheep. |
|
These sheeps became his everything during years. These sheep has bec |
|
For instance, one of the sheeps, has a problem with its leg. For instance, one of the sheep |
|
Therefore he shows special attention for it. Therefore he shows special attention |
|
As a result of his internal deliberations, he does not go anywhere. As a result of his internal deliberations, he |
|
One day, while he is reading book, an old man comes to talk with him. One day, while he is reading a book, an old man comes to talk with him. |
|
The old man persists to have a conversation even though he does not want. The old man persists in trying to have a conversation, even though he does not want to. or: insists on having a conversation |
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He just wants to read his book without any interrupts. He just wants to read his book without any interrupt |
|
Although he does not hear the old man, he is telling something still. Although he since "he" is being used to refer to Santiago the whole time, you have to explicitly say "the old man" to let the readers know who "he" you are referring to. |
|
Suddenly, old man starts telling Santiago’s whole life. Suddenly, the old man starts telling the story of Santiago’s whole life. |
|
I mean his WHOLE LİFE.
since you yourself were never in the narrative, "I" should not suddenly appear unless that truly is what you wanted. (to come out of nowhere and explain to the readers) |
|
EVERYTHİNG. |
|
He lifts his head from book he reads and looks soil. He lifts his head away from the book he is read |
|
The old man draws his life by telling so realistic way. The old man |
|
The old man wants 1/10 of his sheeps for saying something about his treasure. The old man wants 1/10 of his sheep |
|
He accepts and learns something about his treasure again. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
The old man says”That is your personal legend. The old man says, ”That is your personal legend." While not entirely wrong, a little awkward to say "personal legend", usually just "your legend" should be enough. |
|
If you do not make your personal legend real, you will be like everyone who only wants to stay alive without any meaning. If you do not make your personal legend real, you will just be like everyone else who only wants to stay alive without any meaning. |
|
That is your choice. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
And also do not forget that the universe does not turns back to someone tries to make his/her personel legend real. And also do not forget that the universe does not |
|
During couple days, he thinks what to do.
|
|
He needs to make decisions. He needs to make a decision |
|
To do what he knows already or to do what he wants but does not know anything about and giving up everything he has now. To do what he knows already or to do what he wants but does not know anything about and giv |
|
He chose make his dream real. He chooses to make his dream real. staying with present tense to be consistent with the rest of the story. |
|
He sold his sheeps and sets of with this money. He s |
|
He needs an assistant because he does not know language which is used in Egypt. He needs an assistant because he does not know the language |
|
He meets with a foreigner. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
The foreigner accepts to help him. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
They go somewhere to eat. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Santiago has no idea about what to eat and asks for choosing and paying for meal and he also trusts his money to this foreigner. Santiago has no idea |
|
The owner of the restaurant comes and says something in different language but an angry way. The owner of the restaurant comes and says something in |
|
After that, foreigner says “Let’s get out of here.” After that, the foreigner says “Let’s get out of here.” |
|
They eat and drink. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He has his first problem at the morning. He has his first problem |
|
The foreigner defrauts him. The foreigner |
|
He has no money anymore. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He chooses to get a job to comeback to home. He chooses to get a job |
|
He finds a work at a glass factory. He f in this case, it has to be past tense since it means he got the job rather than still looking for one. |
|
He works there a year. He works there for a year. |
|
The work at the glass factory adds lots of value to him. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
For example, this glass factory does not have so much custumer because his place is at tap of uphill and a few people walk up the hill. For example, this glass factory does not have |
|
A little while later, Santiago realises that after tourists walking up the hill, they need some drinks or just a cup of cold water. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He offers to serve drinks with products at the shop to tourists to owner. He |
|
He will come back again after finding his treasure and she will do her own. |
|
(If they go together? |
|
I do not know🤷🏻♀️) |
|
He and Alchemist set off again, despite the war. |
|
Armed foreign men block their way, they look for their belongings and ask what they are doing here during the war. |
|
Soldiers ask what it is. |
|
The Alchemist says “This is the elixir of immortality and this is the Philosopher's stone. |
|
Soldiers laugh and let them go. |
|
Santiago is surprised and wonders why the Alchemist said to soldiers true, they could confiscate. |
|
The alchemist says “People are blind to what is right in front of them.” |
|
They meet a person on the way. |
|
The Alchemist gives them some gold. |
|
That person says “This is so much for me.” |
|
The Alchemist says “Do not say that again. |
|
You deserve so much everytime.” |
|
THe Alchemist gives so much gold to Santiago, too. |
|
But he does not say anything. |
|
At the end of the novel Santiago finds his treasure and is proud of himself to make his personal legend real. |
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