Oct. 12, 2022
A little about Kurt Cobain
Kurt Cobain was a famous musician who has stayed in history due to his talent and unforgettable tunes. But what do we know about his life? His family had an odd history—many of Kurt’s relatives committed suicide because of bipolar disorder, depression, or alcohol abuse. Because of that, a lot of relatives would be scared that they'd also want to end their lives.
Also, many members of his family were involved in music and spotted Kurt’s musical and artistic talents early, which was hardly surprising given the fact that Kurt got into music from two years old. Kurt’s aunt introduced him to classical artists and let him listen to music on vinyl at her home. When he was about ten, he played drums; later he asked his family for a guitar for his birthday.
In his early childhood, he was an energetic and cheerful boy, but then his character changed. He gradually became distant from his classmates and relatives when he started to listen to music and spend time in the library. After that, he decided that it was better to spend time on his own. Nonetheless, because he always stood out from anyone else, people around him continued to take an interest in him.
He dropped out of college right before the year when he would have graduated, which was shocking for his family and anyone who knew him. The decision to drop out of college was the worst decision you could make in America at this time. Nonetheless, Kurt didn’t worry—he was seriously about getting into music by this time.
He took jobs from time to time, but none of them were able to catch his interest. Also, he had to move in and out all the time with his friends or girlfriends for different reasons—sometimes he ran out of money because he didn't have a job, and sometimes he just kicked his neighbours out from the flat. He was often pissed off and couldn't get on with his friends—he mostly enjoyed being on his own.
Despite disagreements with his friends, Kurt was still determined to build a career as a musician, so he put a band together to play with them. Often during this time bands split up as soon as they were assembled. Finally, Kurt put together Nirvana, and this band was successful. At some point, one of the music labels spotted Nirvana's worth and the band got their first contract. Soon after that, they were on their first tour.
Kurt was unmistakably a talented showman. He gave his all on the stage, smashing up his guitars, and singing songs that devolved into wild screaming. This musical dynamics became Nirvana’s trademark, and most of their future releases were made in this style—at first slow and calm, then suddenly loud and quick.
Nirvana quickly became famous, especially when radio stations started including their songs in playlists. Their shows were often sold out, the band was staying in luxurious hotels which they had never seen before. Between tours, Kurt would stay home and paint. He would use a lot of different materials: acrylic and clay, blood, and sometimes even his sperm.
Nonetheless, there were also some problems in the Kurt's life. At first, he kicked the band's bassist out for no real reason, then he argued with the label that gave them a contract. Also, Kurt had chronic stomach pain that caused painful vomiting; unfortunately, doctors weren't able to diagnose the reason. Thereby, he was obliged to adapt his life to cope with this constant torment.
It came harder and harder for him to endure the insane tempo of tours and get on with the other band members. Yet Kurt was sure that Nirvana could make its way to fame.
**To be continued
Because of that, othera lot of relatives even had a kind of phobia, scared that at some moment, they woulwould be scared that they'd also want to end their lives.
This sentence runs on a lot.
Listening to music and spending time in the library, hHe gradually became distant from his classmates and relatives when he started to listen to music and spend time in the library.
The first part is a dependent clause, we need to move it to behind "he gradually became distant from his classmates and relatives to fix it.
Nonetheless, because he always stood out from anyone else, people around him continued to show theirbe interested in him.
He dropped out of college right before the year when he would have graduated, which was shocking for his family and anyone aroundwho knew him.
I'm assuming only people who knew him would care if he dropped out, so that's why I made that correction.
Nonetheless, Kurt didn’t worry—he was seriously about getting into music by this time.
He took jobs from time to time, but it seems that none of them were able to catch his interest.
I cut down on unnecessary words
He was often pissed off and couldn't get on with his friends—he mostly enjoyed timebeing on his own.
As it often was at theseOften during this times, bands split up as soon as they were assembled.
"as it" is unnecessary
Finally, Kurt put together Nirvana, and this band became his best effortwas successful.
I changed it to "successful" because it reflects effort paying off.
Oct. 13, 2022
Because of that, othera lot of relatives even had a kind of phobia, scared that at some moment, they woulwould be scared that they'd also want to end their lives.
you right 🙏
Oct. 13, 2022
Because of that, othera lot of relatives even had a kind of phobia, scared that at some moment, they woulwould be scared that they'd also want to end their lives.
"would be scared" in this context is still about past, right?
Oct. 13, 2022
Listening to music and spending time in the library, hHe gradually became distant from his classmates and relatives when he started to listen to music and spend time in the library.
It's not OK to put a dependent clause at the start of the sentence?
Oct. 13, 2022
Nonetheless, because he always stood out from anyone else, people around him continued to show theirbe interested in him.
I think "take an interest" is OK too?
Oct. 13, 2022
He dropped out of college right before the year when he would have graduated, which was shocking for his family and anyone aroundwho knew him.
you're right, thnx
Oct. 13, 2022
Finally, Kurt put together Nirvana, and this band became his best effortwas successful.
thank you
Oct. 13, 2022
thank you so much for your corrections!
Oct. 13, 2022
"would be scared" in this context is still about past, right?
yes it would still be talking about the past
Oct. 14, 2022
yes it would still be talking about the past
thank you :)
A little about Kurt Cobain
Kurt Cobain was a famous musician who stayed up in history dueis still remembered today thanks to his talent and unforgettable tunesmusic.
"Tunes" sounds like "enjoyable, but basic music without much meaning". This is fine, but when you put it next to a big statement like "Kurt Cobain is one of the most memorable musicians ever", referring to his music as "tunes" sounds off, because something basic without much meaning would not be historic.
But what do we know about his life?
His family had an odd history—many of Kurt’s relatives committed suicide because of bipolar disorder, depression, or alcohol abuse.
Because of that, other relatives even had a kind of phobia, scared that at some moment, they would also wanted to end their lives.
Also, many members of his family were relatinvolved toin music and early spotted Kurt’s musical and artistic talents early on, which was hardly surprising given the fact that Kurt got into music fromat two years old.
Kurt’s aunt introduced him to classical artists and let him listen to somemusic on vinyl at her home.
When he was about ten, he played drums; later he asked his family for a guitar for his birthday.
In his early childhood, he was an energetic and cheerful boy, but then his character changed.
Listening to music and spending time in a library, he gradually became distant from his classmates and relatives.
After allsome time, he decided that it was better to spend time on his own.
Nonetheless, because he always stood out from anyone else, people around him continued to show theirtake an interest in him.
He dropped out of college right before the year when he would have graduated, thatwhich was shocking for his family and anyone around him.
The decision to drop out of college was the worst thingmistake you could make in America at thise time.
Nonetheless, Kurt didn’t worry—he seriously was getting into music by this time.
He took a job from time to timeworked off and on, but it seems that none of themre was somethingn't any job that could catchhold his interest.
Also, he had to move in and out all the timewas always moving, moving in with his friends or girlfriends for different reasonsone day and moving out soon after—sometimes he ran out of money because he didn't have a job, and sometimes he just kicked out his neighbours from the flahis roommates out.
He was often pissed off and couldn't get on with his friends—he mostly enjoyed his time by his own.
Despite disagreements with his friends, Kurt was still determined to build a career as a musician, so he put together a band to play with them.
As it often was at these times,In those days, it was common for bands to splitted up practically as soon as they were assembled.
Finally, Kurt put together "Nirvana", and this band became his best effortturned out to be band he really poured his heart into.
At some point, one of the music labels spotted "Nirvana"'s worth"Nirvana"' got scouted by a major music label and the band got their first contract.
Soon after that, they were on their first tour.
Certainly, Kurt wasKurt was unmistakably a talented showman, who. He gave his all on the stage, smasheding up his guitars, and sainging songs that turndevolved into shoutwild screaming.
Thisese musical dynamics became “Nirvana”’s trademark, and most of their future releases were made in this style—songs that were at first slow and calm, then suddenly loud and quick songsfast.
“Nirvana” quickly became famous, especially when radio stations started including their songs in playlists.
The tickets to shows were often sold out, and the band was staying in luxurious hotels which they were neverhotels more luxurious than anything they'd seen before.
Between the tours, Kurt stayed at hiswould stay home and would paint.
He would use a lot of different materials: acrylic and clay, blood, and sometimes even his sperm.
The phrasing "acrylic and clay, blood, and sometimes even his sperm" is correct if you want to say "He used a combination of acrylic and clay, and he used blood, and he sometimes used sperm". But if the acrylic and clay are separate, it should be "acrylic, clay, blood, and sometimes even his sperm".
Nonetheless, there were also some problems in the Kurt's life.
At first, he kicked out the bassist from the bandnd's bassist out for no real reason, then he argued with the label that gave them a contract.
Also, Kurt had chronic stomach pain that caused hardpainful vomiting; unfortunately, doctors weren't able to detectiagnose the reason.
Thereby, he had to be obligAs a result, he was forced to adapt his life to cope with this constant torment.
It began harder and harder for him to endure the insane tempo of tours and get on with the other band members.
Yet Kurt was sure that “Nirvana” canwould be able to make its way to fame.
**To be continued
Feedback
Great writing! Your English level is obviously very high, so I gave very strict corrections to make it as close to native-level as possible.
Oct. 13, 2022
thank you for your help! it was useful :)
Oct. 13, 2022
thank you for your help! It was useful :) Also I think there is a lot of things to learn yet :)
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A little about Kurt Cobain This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Kurt Cobain was a famous musician who stayed up in history due to his talent and unforgettable tunes. Kurt Cobain was a famous musician who "Tunes" sounds like "enjoyable, but basic music without much meaning". This is fine, but when you put it next to a big statement like "Kurt Cobain is one of the most memorable musicians ever", referring to his music as "tunes" sounds off, because something basic without much meaning would not be historic. |
|
But what do we know about his life? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
His family had an odd history—many of Kurt’s relatives committed suicide because of bipolar disorder, depression, or alcohol abuse. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Because of that, other relatives even had a kind of phobia, scared that at some moment, they would also wanted to end their lives. Because of that, other relatives even had a kind of phobia, scared that at some moment, they would also want |
|
Also, many members of his family were related to music and early spotted Kurt’s musical and artistic talents, which was hardly surprising given the fact that Kurt got into music from two years old. Also, many members of his family were |
|
Kurt’s aunt introduced him to classical artists and let him listen to some vinyl at her home. Kurt’s aunt introduced him to classical artists and let him listen to |
|
When he was about ten, he played drums; later he asked his family for a guitar for his birthday. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
In his early childhood, he was an energetic and cheerful boy, but then his character changed. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Listening to music and spending time in a library, he gradually became distant from his classmates and relatives. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
After all, he decided that it was better to spend time on his own. After |
|
Nonetheless, because he always stood out from anyone else, people around him continued to show their interest in him. Nonetheless, because he always stood out from anyone else, people around him continued to Nonetheless, because he always stood out from anyone else, people around him continued to |
|
He drop out of college right before the year when he would have graduated, that was shocking for his family and anyone around him. He dropped out of college right before the year when he would have graduated, |
|
The decision to drop out of college was the worst thing you could make in America at this time. The decision to drop out of college was the worst |
|
Nonetheless, Kurt didn’t worry—he seriously was getting into music by this time. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He took a job from time to time, but it seems that none of them was something that could catch his interest. He |
|
Also, he had to move in and out all the time with his friends or girlfriends for different reasons—sometimes he ran out of money because he didn't have a job, and sometimes he just kicked out his neighbours from the flat. Also, he |
|
He was often pissed off and couldn't get on with his friends—he mostly enjoyed his time by his own. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Despite disagreements with his friends, Kurt was still determined to build a career as a musician, so he put together a band to play with them. Despite disagreements with his friends, Kurt was still determined to build a career as a musician, so he put together a band to play with |
|
As it often was at these times, bands splitted up as soon as they were assembled.
|
|
Finally, Kurt put together "Nirvana", and this band became his best effort. Finally, Kurt put together "Nirvana", and this band |
|
At some point, one of the music labels spotted "Nirvana"'s worth and the band got the first contract. At some point, |
|
Soon after that, they were on their first tour. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Certainly, Kurt was a talented showman, who gave his all on the stage, smashed up his guitars, and sang songs that turned into shouting.
|
|
This music dynamics became “Nirvana”’s trademark, and most of their future releases were made in this style—at first slow and calm, then suddenly loud and quick songs. Th |
|
“Nirvana” quickly became famous, especially when radio stations started including their songs in playlists. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
The tickets to shows were often sold out, the band was staying in luxurious hotels which they were never seen before. The tickets to shows were often sold out, and the band was staying in |
|
Between the tours, Kurt stayed at his home and would paint. Between |
|
He would use a lot of different materials: acryl and clay, blood, and sometimes even his sperm. He would use a lot of different materials: acrylic and clay, blood, and sometimes even his sperm. The phrasing "acrylic and clay, blood, and sometimes even his sperm" is correct if you want to say "He used a combination of acrylic and clay, and he used blood, and he sometimes used sperm". But if the acrylic and clay are separate, it should be "acrylic, clay, blood, and sometimes even his sperm". |
|
Nonetheless, there were also some problems in the Kurt's life. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
At first, he kicked out the bassist from the band for no real reason, then he argued with the label that gave them a contract. At first, he kicked |
|
Also, Kurt had chronic stomach pain that caused hard vomiting; unfortunately, doctors weren't able to detect the reason. Also, Kurt had chronic stomach pain that caused |
|
Thereby, he had to be obliged to adapt his life to cope with this constant torment.
|
|
It began harder and harder for him to endure the insane tempo of tours and get on with the other band members. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Yet Kurt was sure that “Nirvana” can make its way to fame. Yet Kurt was sure that “Nirvana” |
|
**To be continued This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Also, many members of his family were involved in music and spotted Kurt’s musical and artistic talents early, which was hardly surprising given the fact that Kurt got into music from two years old. |
|
Kurt Cobain was a famous musician who has stayed in history due to his talent and unforgettable tunes. |
|
Because of that, other relatives even had a kind of phobia, scared that at some moment, they would also want to end their lives. Because of that, This sentence runs on a lot. |
|
Listening to music and spending time in the library, he gradually became distant from his classmates and relatives.
The first part is a dependent clause, we need to move it to behind "he gradually became distant from his classmates and relatives to fix it. |
|
After that, he decided that it was better to spend time on his own. |
|
He dropped out of college right before the year when he would have graduated, which was shocking for his family and anyone around him. He dropped out of college right before the year when he would have graduated, which was shocking for his family and anyone I'm assuming only people who knew him would care if he dropped out, so that's why I made that correction. |
|
The decision to drop out of college was the worst decision you could make in America at this time. |
|
Nonetheless, Kurt didn’t worry—he was seriously getting into music by this time. Nonetheless, Kurt didn’t worry—he was seriously about getting into music by this time. |
|
He took jobs from time to time, but it seems that none of them were able to catch his interest. He took jobs from time to time, but I cut down on unnecessary words |
|
Also, he had to move in and out all the time with his friends or girlfriends for different reasons—sometimes he ran out of money because he didn't have a job, and sometimes he just kicked his neighbours out from the flat. |
|
He was often pissed off and couldn't get on with his friends—he mostly enjoyed time on his own. He was often pissed off and couldn't get on with his friends—he mostly enjoyed |
|
Despite disagreements with his friends, Kurt was still determined to build a career as a musician, so he put a band together to play with them. |
|
As it often was at these times, bands split up as soon as they were assembled.
"as it" is unnecessary |
|
Finally, Kurt put together Nirvana, and this band became his best effort. Finally, Kurt put together Nirvana, and this band I changed it to "successful" because it reflects effort paying off. |
|
At some point, one of the music labels spotted Nirvana's worth and the band got their first contract. |
|
This musical dynamics became Nirvana’s trademark, and most of their future releases were made in this style—at first slow and calm, then suddenly loud and quick. |
|
Nirvana quickly became famous, especially when radio stations started including their songs in playlists. |
|
Their shows were often sold out, the band was staying in luxurious hotels which they had never seen before. |
|
He would use a lot of different materials: acrylic and clay, blood, and sometimes even his sperm. |
|
Thereby, he was obliged to adapt his life to cope with this constant torment. |
|
It came harder and harder for him to endure the insane tempo of tours and get on with the other band members. |
|
Yet Kurt was sure that Nirvana could make its way to fame. |
|
Because of that, a lot of relatives would be scared that they'd also want to end their lives. |
|
Kurt’s aunt introduced him to classical artists and let him listen to music on vinyl at her home. |
|
He gradually became distant from his classmates and relatives when he started to listen to music and spend time in the library. |
|
Nonetheless, because he always stood out from anyone else, people around him continued to take an interest in him. |
|
He dropped out of college right before the year when he would have graduated, which was shocking for his family and anyone who knew him. |
|
Nonetheless, Kurt didn’t worry—he was seriously about getting into music by this time. |
|
He took jobs from time to time, but none of them were able to catch his interest. |
|
He was often pissed off and couldn't get on with his friends—he mostly enjoyed being on his own. |
|
Often during this time bands split up as soon as they were assembled. |
|
Finally, Kurt put together Nirvana, and this band was successful. |
|
Kurt was unmistakably a talented showman. |
|
He gave his all on the stage, smashing up his guitars, and singing songs that devolved into wild screaming. |
|
Between tours, Kurt would stay home and paint. |
|
At first, he kicked the band's bassist out for no real reason, then he argued with the label that gave them a contract. |
|
Also, Kurt had chronic stomach pain that caused painful vomiting; unfortunately, doctors weren't able to diagnose the reason. |
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