A Line Graph Report infrom IELTS Writing Part 1

(This is the first time I've used this website and I guess there's a bug here towith posting images.

I believe you must be a premium user to post images

So, this link below is the image ofrom the original question ¶
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Thanks!)

This graph shows the proportions of audience to watch movie ininformation about movie viewership amongst 4 different age groups in the UK from 1990 to 2010.

The word "proportion" here feels a bit incorrect to me

But you could say something like "A higher proportion of people aged 44–54 watched movies than those aged 15–24"

We can witnesssee that the majority group ingroup with the highest cinema attendance was people aged 44-54, while the minoritysmallest group was aged 14-24.

"witness" is usually used for events of certain importance — crimes, religious things, the first performance of a to-be rockstar, etc

I don't think "majority" is appropriate here because you're talking about 4 different groups, not making a statement about one single group. If the data was instead organized to say something like "23% of tickets sold went to people aged 45–54" you could use minority/plurality/majority. (In this case, there is not a group that watched over half of movies, so we cannot say majority; we must say plurality, which means "the biggest group of all the groups, but not a majority.")

Moreover, the percentage of each viewership in each group generally has an increasing trend.

The percentage shows viewership

In 1990, audience members aged 44-–54 and 34-–44 mainly accounted for the most –had the highest viewership percentages — nearly 36%, — and then, in 1995, the percentage of the latter group remained almost at the same level anbut would roise to around 45% inby 2010, whereas the former predominated (group continued to grow to nearly 40%), in 1995 and maintained ithese numbers until 2010, where it reachinged approximately 51%.

"Audience" refers to a non-countable collective group, so we need to add "members" to make statements about the people in a countable sense

The percentage of watchers aged 14-–24 comparatively flattened of all 4 groupsremained relatively flat, increasing from 15%, in 1990 to 21%, in 2010; t. There had been a relative oscillation inwas some volatility in the 24-–34-year-old watchersgroup before 2005, where it grew from roughly 24%, in 1990 to 33%, followed a same data in 2010, although all classes had decreased by in 2005.All age groups saw a significant decrease in viewership in 2000.

- is for connecting compound nouns (the push-pull effect)
– is for ranges (people aged 25–34)
— is for making pauses / showing that a thought is changing / interrupting a sentence

You don't need to put , after %