Feb. 7, 2023
A Game
Bisam posted a journal where he invites us to play a game. To play this game, you need to write a journal in your target language including the continuation of this story and ask your correctors to follow the story.
This is what I wrote:
At that moment, I closed the door and I turned around. I panicked when I realized that the man was right beside me. Ha was waiting for me to enter in this room , according to his plan. He was looking at me, with those beautiful blue eyes and he took a few seconds to open his mouth and whisper "stay." Immediately I looked at his expression of sadness, just like a small dog. "Have you read the letter yet?" he said. "No... no yet" I answered him. I take it out of my pocket and I couldn't help but read the words "I still love you, please, come back."
Will continue...
A Game
Bisam posted a journal where he invites us to play a game.
This is what I wrote:
At that moment, I closed the door and I turned around.
Your sentence is correct, but leaving out the second "I" makes it sound less repetitive.
I panicked when I realized that the man was right beside me.
He was looking at me, with those beautiful blue eyes, and he took a few seconds to open his mouth and whisper, "sStay."
Added a comma between the independent clauses.
Immediately I looked at his expression of sadness, just like a small dog.
"Have you read the letter yet?"
he saiasked.
"No... not yet," I answered him.
I takeook it out of my pocket, and I couldn't help but read the words "I still love you, p. Please, come back.
Changed "take" to past tense. Added a comma between the independent clauses.
"
Feb. 7, 2023
Thank you so much! Your detailed comments are really helpful.
A Game
Bisam posted a journal entry where he invitesd us to play a game.
To play this game, you need to write a journal entry in your target language including the continuation ofcontinuing this story and asking your correctors to follow the story.
This is a terrific idea!
This is what I wrote:
At that moment, I closed the door and I turned around.
I panicked when I realized that the man was right beside me.
Ha was waiting for me to enter in this room , all according to his plan.
He was looking at me, with those beautiful blue eyes and he took a few seconds to open his mouth andto whisper, "sStay."
Immediately I looked atsaw his expression of sadness, just like a small dog.
"Have you read the letter yet?"
he saiasked.
"No... not yet," I answered him.
I takeook it out of my pocket and I couldn't help but read the words, "I still love you, p. Please, come back.
whoa!
"
WillTo be continued...
Feedback
I'm not sure I can continue this in Japanese ... but I'll try! Thanks for sharing this and good work! You write beautifully!
Feb. 7, 2023
Thank you so much! I'll be looking forward to reading your continuation of this story. 😊
Feb. 8, 2023
oh, rats! I forgot that you're learning Japanese, too! oh, no, the pressure!!!
Feb. 8, 2023
😂 Don't worry! Take your time to write the next part of the story.
A Game
Bisam posted a journal where he invites us to play a game.
To play this game, you need to write a journal in your target language including the continuation of this story and ask your correctors to follow the story.
This is what I wrote:
At that moment, I closed the door and I turned around.
I panicked when I realized that the man was right beside me.
Hae was waiting for me to enter in this room , according to his plan.
“Enter (the room.)” “You can go in now (into the room.” “You can go inside now.”
He was looking at me, with those beautiful blue eyes and he took a few seconds to open his mouth and whisper "stay."
Immediately I looked at his expression of sadness, just like a small dog.
"Have you read the letter yet?"
he said.
"No... no yet" I answered him.
I take it out of my pocket and I couldn'an’t help but read the words "I still love you, please, come back.”.
Tense consistency; you are talking in the present, couldn’t would be past !
"
WillTo be continue...d…
This is always the saying :)
Feedback
Spooky!!!!! I love this idea hahaha well done !
Feb. 7, 2023
Haha thank you!! I'll be looking forward to reading and correcting your continuation.
A Game
Bisam posted a journal where he invites us to play a game.
To play this game, you need to write a journal in your target language including the continuation of this story and ask your correctors to follow the story.
This is what I wrote:
At that moment, I closed the door and I turned around.
I panicked when I realized that the man was right beside me.
Hae was waiting for me to enter in this room , according to his plan.
He was looking at me, with those beautiful blue eyes and he took a few seconds to open his mouth and whisper "stay."
Immediately I looked at his expression of sadness, just like a small dog.
"Have you read the letter yet?"
he said.
"No... no yet" I answered him.
I take it out of my pocket and I couldn't help but read the words "I still love you, please, come back."
"
Will continue...
Feedback
very good!
Feb. 7, 2023
Thank you so much! 😊
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A Game This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Bisam posted a journal where he invites us to play a game. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! Bisam posted a journal entry where he invite This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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To play this game, you need to write a journal in your target language including the continuation of this story! |
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This is what I wrote: This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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At that moment, I closed the door and I turned around. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! At that moment, I closed the door and At that moment, I closed the door and Your sentence is correct, but leaving out the second "I" makes it sound less repetitive. |
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I panicked when I realized that the man was right beside me. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Ha was waiting for me to enter in this room , according to his plan. H H “Enter (the room.)” “You can go in now (into the room.” “You can go inside now.” Ha was waiting for me to enter |
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He was looking at me, with those beautiful blue eyes and he took a few seconds to open his mouth and whisper "stay." This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! He was looking at me He was looking at me Added a comma between the independent clauses. |
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Immediately I looked at his expression of sadness, just like a small dog. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! Immediately I This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"Have you read the letter yet?" This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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he said. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! he he |
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"No... no yet" I answered him. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! "No... not yet," I answered "No... not yet," I answered |
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I take it out of my pocket and I couldn't help but read the words "I still love you, please, come back. I take it out of my pocket and I couldn't help but read the words "I still love you, please, come back." I take it out of my pocket and I c Tense consistency; you are talking in the present, couldn’t would be past ! I t whoa! I t Changed "take" to past tense. Added a comma between the independent clauses. |
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Will continue... This sentence has been marked as perfect!
This is always the saying :)
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This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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To play this game, you need to write a journal in your target language including the continuation of this story and ask your correctors to follow the story. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! To play this game, you need to write a journal entry in your target language This is a terrific idea! |
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