July 29, 2020
A Bloody Kingdom of Gromhold
After accession to power, the king Ruthgard commanded his minions published a book of his reminiscence where he would be presented in the blaze of glory, victory, and mercy.
When “The Great King of Gromhold” was released, many noble families were obliged to have it in their libraries. Only a few of them knew that nearly every page of that book was written in ‘bloody ink’.
In his reminiscence, the king absolutely ‘forgot’ mentioned that being only the eighth rightful heir he inherited only a small part of a huge bequest, a little principality at the far end of the kingdom.
But he was ambitious, greedy for power, and had a plan on how to become the one and the only one heir. His ascending to the throne wasn’t blistering and easy but finessed he contrived and convinced every contender in his loyalty until the very last moment before their death when they found themselves betrayed by him.
Using assassins or staunch him people for killing he didn’t intend to staunch the flow of blood overflowed the kingdom. However, reading the book, even a really attentive reader didn’t notice that it’s about the most bloodthirsty king the Gromhold has ever given birth to.
How many heads of his ‘enemies’ were severed and hidden in the woods all over the kingdom, how many nobles were smothered to death in their beds, how many of them were given a little shove while they were standing on the walls their own impenetrable castles?
But now, the feast is in full swing, tables lavishing with food, wine flowing like a river, the horde of drunken sycophants and nouveau riches, mercenaries and cutthroats, scoundrels and crooks dancing in the Great Hall celebrating the launch of the book trying to please the king.
Little did he know that a poisoned arrow that kills him in a moment has already been fired.
A Bloody Kingdom of Gromhold
After accession to power, the king Ruthgard commanded his minions to published a book of his reminiscenceiography of him where he would be presented in the blaze of glory, victory, and mercy.
Command + infinitive - command to publish
Biography - a story of someone's life written by someone else
Autobiography - story of someone's life they write themselves
(not sure which you mean here)
When “The Great King of Gromhold” was released, many noble families were obliged to have it in their libraries.
Only a few of them knew that nearly every page of that book was written in ‘bloody ink’.
In his reminiscence, the king absolutely ‘forgot’ to mentioned that being only the eighth rightful heir in line he inherited only a small part of a huge bequest, a little principality at the far end of the kingdom.
But he was ambitious, greedy for power, and had a plan on how to become the one and the only oneonly heir.
'the one and only ____' is a common phrase
His ascendingsion to the throne wasn’t blistering and easy but finessed h. He contrived and convinced every contender into his loyalty until the very last moment before their death when they found themselves betrayed by him.
Not sure what you mean by blistering
Using assassins or staunch him peoplehired killers for killing he didn’t intend to staunchdo himself, the flow of blood overflowedran the kingdom.
Staunch is the wrong word here, it means to stop the flow of something
Overflowed is correct, but since you already say flow overran means a similar thing and doesn't repeat.
However, reading the book, even a really attentive reader diwouldn’'t notice that it’s about the most bloodthirsty king theat Gromhold has ever given birth toproduced.
use wouldn't since it's conditional
How many heads of his ‘enemies’ were severed and hidden in the woods all over the kingdom, how many nobles were smothered to death in their beds, how many of them were given a little shove while they were standing on the walls of their own impenetrable castles?
I like the quotes in this story but I don't think they're necessary here. His enemies are his enemies.
But now, the feast is in full swing, tables lavishinged with food, wine flowing like a river, the horde of drunken sycophants and nouveau riches, mercenaries and cutthroats, scoundrels and crooks dancing in the Great Hall celebrating the launch of the book and trying to please the king.
Little did he know that a poisoned arrow that will kills him in a moment hasd already been fired.
Feedback
Mostly minor grammar errors. I love this story and I'm very excited to see more of it!
July 29, 2020
His ascendingsion to the throne wasn’t blistering and easy but finessed h. He contrived and convinced every contender into his loyalty until the very last moment before their death when they found themselves betrayed by him.
By blistering i mean "extremely fast"
July 29, 2020
Using assassins or staunch him peoplehired killers for killing he didn’t intend to staunchdo himself, the flow of blood overflowedran the kingdom.
By 'staunch him people' I mean another definition of 'staunch' as strongly loyal https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/staunch
July 29, 2020
Using assassins or staunch him peoplehired killers for killing he didn’t intend to staunchdo himself, the flow of blood overflowedran the kingdom.
And also by using twice the word 'staunch' I try play with its double definition.
July 29, 2020
After accession to power, the king Ruthgard commanded his minions to published a book of his reminiscenceiography of him where he would be presented in the blaze of glory, victory, and mercy.
Maybe this sentence makes more sense.
After accession to power, the king Ruthgard reminiscing the past commanded his minions to publish a book where he would be presented in the blaze of glory, victory, and mercy.
July 29, 2020
Thanks for your corrections. I'll try to write more stories like this, but mostly right now I write super short sentences or stories.
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A Bloody Kingdom of Gromhold This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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After accession to power, the king Ruthgard commanded his minions published a book of his reminiscence where he would be presented in the blaze of glory, victory, and mercy. After accession to power, the king Ruthgard commanded his minions to publish Command + infinitive - command to publish Biography - a story of someone's life written by someone else Autobiography - story of someone's life they write themselves (not sure which you mean here) |
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When “The Great King of Gromhold” was released, many noble families were obliged to have it in their libraries. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Only a few of them knew that nearly every page of that book was written in ‘bloody ink’. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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In his reminiscence, the king absolutely ‘forgot’ mentioned that being only the eighth rightful heir he inherited only a small part of a huge bequest, a little principality at the far end of the kingdom. In his reminiscence, the king absolutely ‘forgot’ to mention |
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But he was ambitious, greedy for power, and had a plan on how to become the one and the only one heir. But he was ambitious, greedy for power, and had a plan on how to become the one and 'the one and only ____' is a common phrase |
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His ascending to the throne wasn’t blistering and easy but finessed he contrived and convinced every contender in his loyalty until the very last moment before their death when they found themselves betrayed by him. His ascen Not sure what you mean by blistering |
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Using assassins or staunch him people for killing he didn’t intend to staunch the flow of blood overflowed the kingdom. Using assassins or Staunch is the wrong word here, it means to stop the flow of something Overflowed is correct, but since you already say flow overran means a similar thing and doesn't repeat. |
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However, reading the book, even a really attentive reader didn’t notice that it’s about the most bloodthirsty king the Gromhold has ever given birth to. However, reading the book, even a really attentive reader use wouldn't since it's conditional |
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How many heads of his ‘enemies’ were severed and hidden in the woods all over the kingdom, how many nobles were smothered to death in their beds, how many of them were given a little shove while they were standing on the walls their own impenetrable castles? How many heads of his I like the quotes in this story but I don't think they're necessary here. His enemies are his enemies. |
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But now, the feast is in full swing, tables lavishing with food, wine flowing like a river, the horde of drunken sycophants and nouveau riches, mercenaries and cutthroats, scoundrels and crooks dancing in the Great Hall celebrating the launch of the book trying to please the king. But now, the feast is in full swing, tables lavish |
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Little did he know that a poisoned arrow that kills him in a moment has already been fired. Little did he know that a poisoned arrow that will kill |
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