July 4, 2021
a beautiful night
Last night, I went to the top floor after dinner. The sun was falling, the wind was breezing. It was very comfortable. I sat on an armchair, reading a book with the music on.
Because it was Saturday, it was very quiet around.
After the sun disappearing, the sky became green, then blue. A star showed up at west, it was so bright. The scent of magnolia × alba flew with the wind, it smelled good. When the wind flew over the tree, the leaves shook like sand.
When I look up, the sky was cloudless, there were so many stars. They were very beautiful. It was dark and quiet. I felt like I was in a boat flowing on the sea. The wind kept breezing, the stars kept shining. There was just me, holding a lamp in the dark.
What a beautiful night!
a beautiful night
Usually, titles have capital letters.
A beautiful Night
Last night, I went to the top floor after dinner.
The sun was falling, the windand there was a breezinge in the air.
"and there was a breeze in the air."
You don't have to use "in the air" but, having read all of your text before correcting, I picked up on your nice descriptive style of writing, and I felt that "in the air" could be right here. I hope that is ok!?
It was very comfortable.
I sat on an armchair, reading a book with the music on.
Because it was Saturday, it was very quiet around.
After the sun disappearinged, the sky became green, then blue.
A star showed up atin the west,; it was so bright.
The scent of magnolia × alba flew with the wind, it smelled good.
I'm not sure what "magnolia x alba" means. I am referring specifically to the use of the "x".
The phrase "smelled good" is very informal English but the use of "good" like this is common in everyday English. An alternative to fit in with your descriptive style could be: "it was a wonderful smell" or something like that.
A little tip: you may wish to avoid using the "smelled good" type of writing in more formal or richly descriptive settings.
When the wind flew over the tree, the leaves shook like sand.
When I looked up, the sky was cloudless, there were so many stars.
They were very beautiful.
It was dark and quiet.
I felt like I was in a boat flowating on the sea.
The wind kept breezingbreeze continued, the stars kept shining.
There was just me, holding a lamp in the dark.
What a beautiful night!
Feedback
What a beautiful piece of writing! In my opinion, you have the potential to be a good writer. Your text is enjoyably descriptive with a simple but effective style.
I hope some of my suggestions will help you. On a personal note, I would say to you - Don't spoil a good descriptive text like this with phrases like "smelled good" unless their use is helpful in the overall story, for example if the main character in your story would be speaking like this anyway.
Keep going!
mjm
July 4, 2021
The scent of magnolia × alba flew with the wind, it smelled good.
I look up in the dictionary about the tree that it showed the "x". I look up in the Internet, it maybe the hyacinth orinntal? It can be tall, its flower is white and thin.
July 4, 2021
Thank you very much. I will keep writing and studying.
aA beautiful night
Last night, I went to the top floor after dinner.
The sun was falling, the wind was breezlowing.
This sounds better to me
It was very comfortable.
I sat on an armchair, reading a book with the music on.
Because it was Saturday, it was very quiet around.
After the sun disappearinged, the sky became green, then blue.
A star showed up at west, iin the West. It was so bright.
The scent of magnolia × alba flew witthrough the wind, it smelled good.
When the wind fblew overthrough/in the tree(s), the leaves shook like sand.
When I looked up, the sky was cloudless, there were so many stars.
They were very beautiful.
It was dark and quiet.
I felt like I was in a boat flowating on the sea.
The wind kept breezlowing, the stars kept shining.
There was just me, holding a lamp in the dark.
What a beautiful night!
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a beautiful night
a beautiful night Usually, titles have capital letters. A beautiful Night |
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Last night, I went to the top floor after dinner. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The sun was falling, the wind was breezing. The sun was falling, the wind was b This sounds better to me The sun was falling, "and there was a breeze in the air." You don't have to use "in the air" but, having read all of your text before correcting, I picked up on your nice descriptive style of writing, and I felt that "in the air" could be right here. I hope that is ok!? |
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It was very comfortable. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I sat on an armchair, reading a book with the music on. I sat on an armchair, reading a book with This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Because it was Saturday, it was very quiet around. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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After the sun disappearing, the sky became green, then blue. After the sun disappear After the sun disappear |
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A star showed up at west, it was so bright. A star showed up A star showed up |
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The scent of magnolia × alba flew with the wind, it smelled good. The scent of magnolia × alba flew The scent of magnolia × alba flew with the wind, it smelled good. I'm not sure what "magnolia x alba" means. I am referring specifically to the use of the "x". The phrase "smelled good" is very informal English but the use of "good" like this is common in everyday English. An alternative to fit in with your descriptive style could be: "it was a wonderful smell" or something like that. A little tip: you may wish to avoid using the "smelled good" type of writing in more formal or richly descriptive settings. |
|
When the wind flew over the tree, the leaves shook like sand. When the wind This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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When I look up, the sky was cloudless, there were so many stars. When I looked up, the sky was cloudless, there were so many stars. When I looked up, the sky was cloudless, there were so many stars. |
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They were very beautiful. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It was dark and quiet. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I felt like I was in a boat flowing on the sea. I felt like I was in a boat flo I felt like I was in a boat flo |
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The wind kept breezing, the stars kept shining. The wind kept b The |
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There was just me, holding a lamp in the dark. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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What a beautiful night! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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