Oct. 19, 2020
Journal 10/19/20
As long as you have a pair of beautiful eyes, you can find beauty everywhere.
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Journal 10/19/20
As long as you have a pair of beautiful eyes, you can find beauty everywhere.
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What you originally wrote is technically correct and makes sense. However, you sound like you're after something more poetic, and in that case there are two problems I see with this:
(a) The reason we write "as long as you have..." etc. is because "you" are in a bad situation. For example, both "as long as we have a roof over our heads..." and "as long as we have each other..." imply that we don't have a good quality of life (for some reason), but despite this, we have something that makes life okay. (The original sentence is also suggestive of someone not having eyes: it's as if this is a possibility.)
So you're better off starting with "With just..." (or "With only...") or "You only need..." or "It's only takes...".
(b) There is repetition in the use of "beautiful" and "beauty", and the connection between having beautiful eyes and seeing beauty is weak.
(I also feel the "pair of eyes" feel biological and practical, and less poetic.)
I suggest something like: "You only need to open your eyes to find beauty everywhere." Or: "To find beauty everywhere, we just need to open our eyes."
Dec. 25, 2020
Thank you very much.
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Journal 10/19/20 This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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As long as you have a pair of beautiful eyes, you can find beauty everywhere. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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