Personal privacy shares the same importance withas public security. Personal privacy shares the same importance as public security.

Personal privacy shares the sameis just as importance witht as public security. Personal privacy is just as important as public security.

More natural phrasing.

Firstly,just as what has been given above, privacy allows us to live our life without unwanted attention from others. Firstly, privacy allows us to live our life without unwanted attention from others.

Does your "just as what has been given above" line refer to something previous you wrote? I removed it here because there is nothing related to this above.

Firstly, just as what has been givenI've said above, privacy allows us to live our life without unwanted attention from others. First, just as I've said above, privacy allows us to live our life without unwanted attention from others.

Is this a later part of a larger writing of yours?

Personal privacy ensures us a certain sense of peace, enabling us to feel free from others’s gaze. Personal privacy ensures us a certain sense of peace, enabling us to feel free from other’s gaze.

Personal privacy ensures us a certain sense of peace, enabling us to feel free from others’s gaze. Personal privacy ensures us a certain sense of peace, enabling us to feel free from others’ gaze.

Plural possessive is " s' " (or it can be " 's " if the word itself is plural, like "children's")

Secondly, if others learn too much about us, security is hard to guareantee . Secondly, if others learn too much about us, security is hard to guarantee.

Secondly, if others learn too much about us, security is hard to guareantee . Second, if others learn too much about us, security is hard to guarantee.

Our things might be stolen, and there is no so-called privacy,and these leaks of private information might causenable fraud or other criminal activities. Our things might be stolen, and leaks of private information might enable fraud or other criminal activities.

I'm unsure what you refer to with "and there is no so-called privacy". "So-called" would mean that you disagree with the description of it from another source, but your previous sentences don't mention anything like that.

Our things might be stolen andso there is no so-called privacy, and these leaks of private information might cause fraud or other criminal activities. Our things might be stolen so there is no so-called privacy, and leaks of private information might cause fraud or other criminal activities.

I'm a little confused by "and there is no so-called privacy" in this sentence.

Thirdly, if personal privacy continuously gives way to public security boundlessly, ”privacy” will not exist anymore,which means the b. Boundaries between people are cut, seriously threatening the social relationship seriouslys. Thirdly, if personal privacy continuously gives way to public security, ”privacy” will not exist anymore. Boundaries between people are cut, seriously threatening social relationships.

I agree with the idea here, but feel that there should be an argument made for why privacy loss for public security would lead to social relationship erosion.

Thirdly, if personal privacy gives way to public security boundlessentirely, ”privacy” will not exist anymore, which means the boundaries between people are cut, threatening the social relationship seriously. Third, if personal privacy gives way to public security entirely, ”privacy” will not exist anymore, which means the boundaries between people are cut, threatening the social relationship seriously.

In conclusion, there’s no denying that we should spare no effort inendeavor to makinge and building a peaceful society,but the. However, security of privacy must be confirmed,that the entrancealso be protected. Access to theseis information should be narrowed and restricted. In conclusion, there’s no denying that we should endeavor to make and build a peaceful society. However, security of privacy must also be protected. Access to this information should be narrowed and restricted.

I replaced the "spare no effort" section not because it's wrong, but because when combined with the earlier "there’s no denying", the double "no"s make the sentence a bit harder to understand.

In conclusion, there’s no denying that we should spare no effort in making and building a peaceful society, but the security of privacy must be confirmed,that the entrance to these and access to our information should be narrowlimited and restricted. In conclusion, there’s no denying that we should spare no effort in making and building a peaceful society, but the security of privacy must be confirmed, and access to our information should be limited and restricted.

It’s not the violations of privacy that makes a society safe, but the trust and the believe deep in our minfs we hold. It’s not the violation of privacy that makes a society safe, but trust and the beliefs we hold.

It’s not the violations of privacy that makes a society safe, but the trust, and believeing deep in our mind.hearts... (that we can trust each other.) It’s not the violation of privacy that makes a society safe, but trust, and believing deep in our hearts... (that we can trust each other.)

We tend to say "heart" as a poetic or more dramatic way of referring to the mind, particularly when we are talking about emotions or feelings. "Believe" is a verb that almost always takes a noun. You believe... something. You rarely see "believe" used on its own.