Because mMy name is Tina. My name is Tina.

It's not clear what statement "Because" is referring to here, so it sounds unnatural. You can keep your current structure and remove "because", the implication is still obvious.

...Because my name is Tina. ...Because my name is Tina.

Trailing (...) on the start or end of sentences can be used to add more drama or suspense. This isn't a correction, I'm just letting you know in case you want to use this in the future! 👍

I finally saw something, I flashed back toand the image of a little girl holding a book, with the exact same pink, the exact same lock came to mind. She was wearing the exact same pink dress I once had, which looked exactly as the one I had ruined. I finally saw something, and the image of a little girl holding a book came to mind. She was wearing the exact same pink dress I once had, which looked exactly as the one I had ruined.

I finally saw something, I flashed back to a little girl holding a book, with the exact same pink cover(?), the exact same lock as the one I had just ruined. I finally saw something, I flashed back to a little girl holding a book, with the exact same pink cover(?), the exact same lock as the one I had just ruined.

I finally saw something, I flashed back to. An image came to me of a little girl holding a book, with the exact same pink, colour, and the exact same lock as the one I had just ruined. I finally saw something. An image came to me of a little girl holding a book, with the exact same pink colour, and the exact same lock as the one I had just ruined.

”flash-back" sort of refers to what they do in movies to show someone's memory, and is a noun, rarely a verb. "I had a flashback" would be more correct, but this way of referring to memories is uncommon in written language.

I finally saw something, I. My mind flashed back to vision of a little girl holding a book, with the exact same pink, the exact same lock as the one I ruined. I finally saw something. My mind flashed back to vision of a little girl holding a book, with the exact same pink lock as the one I ruined.

Yes, she iwas still Tina, but she wasn't the same Tina. She was the grown-up Tina. Yes, she was still Tina, but she wasn't the same Tina. She was the grown-up Tina.

Yes, she iwas still Tina, but thea grown-up Tina. Yes, she was still Tina, but a grown-up Tina.

I stopped breathing— how it was possible? My heart became blue as the ink. I stopped breathing— how it was possible? My heart became blue as the ink.

I stopped breathing— how itwas was possible? My heart becameturned blue aslike the ink. I stopped breathing— how was was possible? My heart turned blue like the ink.

I stopped breathing — how it was this possible? My heart became blue as the ink. I stopped breathing — how was this possible? My heart became blue as the ink.

The expression "My heart became blue as the ink" doesn't have a clear meaning English. I've never heard a heart described as blue, or any other colour. If you mean "blue" as in "sad", then you could say something like "I felt as blue as the ink". If you do not mean sad, you would have to write something else.

I stopped breathing— how it wawas this possible? My heart became blue as the ink. I stopped breathing— how was this possible? My heart became blue as the ink.

I like how you use the color of the ink to symbolize an emotional connection. This works!

IN CASUAL ENGLISH: plz help meTT this is my first try ofat literary writing IN POLITE ENGLISH: My first try at literary writing IN CASUAL ENGLISH: plz help meTT this is my first try at literary writing IN POLITE ENGLISH: My first try at literary writing

plzPlease help meTT t! 😭 This is my first try ofattempt at literary writing. Please help me! 😭 This is my first attempt at literary writing.

plz help meTT t (TT). This is my first try ofattempt at literary writing. plz help me (TT). This is my first attempt at literary writing.

'plz' is correct to use as slang. if (TT) is a crying face, I would wrap it in parentheses ( ) to make it less confusing in English. Since this is a creative/literary writing, I will try to give you feedback based on creative writing conventions and better word choices instead of focusing on grammar alone 👍

The Diary This isMY GUESS: This is revised form an old diary. entry. MY GUESS: This is revised form an old diary entry.

SUGGESTION: If you add more detail, it will become more interesting. How long ago did you write it? Where was it written?

The Diary This iwas an old diary. The Diary This was an old diary.

The Diary This iwas an old diary. The Diary This was an old diary.

Later in the story, I notice that you switched to past tense, so I edited the tense here for consistency. When you write stories, try to keep the same tense.

The book is cover 注意：如果您包含中文文本，我可以更有信心地进行纠正。 MY GUESS: The books were covered withe dust of time,. I blew them dust all away, as I blew away a light curtain, I saw the. I noticed a lock on the side of thea diary, book. I forgot the password and I did not happy to waste my time to think the password of a dumb diarkey, so I ripped itat the book savagely, like a primitive beast. 注意：如果您包含中文文本，我可以更有信心地进行纠正。 MY GUESS: The books were covered with dust. I blew the dust all away. I noticed a lock on the side of a diary book. I forgot the key, so I ripped at the book savagely, like a primitive beast.

NOTE: Electronic books can have *passwords.* However, printed books do not have passwords. They might have some kind of lock that prevents readers from opening the book.

The book is covered in the dust of time, I blew ithem all away, as I blew away a light curtain, I saw the lock on the side of the diary, I forgot the password and I didwas not happy to waste my time to think the password ofing of a dumb diary, so I ripped it open savagely, like a primitive beast. The book is covered in the dust of time, I blew it all away, as I blew away a light curtain, I saw the lock on the side of the diary, I forgot the password and I was not happy to waste my time thinking of a dumb diary, so I ripped it open savagely, like a primitive beast.

The book iwas cover the dust of time,ed in dust. As I blew them all dust away, as I blew away a light curtain, I saw theI noticed a lock on the side of the diary,. I had forgotten the password, and I did not happywant to waste my time trying to think of the password of afor some dumb diary, so I ripped it off savagely, like a primitive beast. The book was covered in dust. As I blew the dust away, I noticed a lock on the side of the diary. I had forgotten the password, and I did want to waste my time trying to think of the password for some dumb diary, so I ripped it off savagely, like a primitive beast.

Make sure to keep the tense of your story consistent. The length of this sentence makes it difficult to understand. Try using shorter sentences. If you are describing a new action, it might be a good place to start a new sentence. I broke up this passage into three sentence, but I still think the last sentence is too long even with my corrections. I don't understand what you mean by "a light curtain". Saying that the narrator "forgot" the password implies that they once knew it. If you want to keep it a surprise that this is their childhood diary, you should instead say "I did not know the password". Word choice suggestion: "primitive" -> “primal"

The book iwas covered in the dust of time, I blew them all away, as I blew awayand it billowed from my breath like a light curtain,. I saw the lock on the side of the diary,. I had forgotten the stupid password and I did not happy towouldn't enjoy wasteing my time to think the password of a dumb diary, soremembering it, so, (instead,) I ripped it savagely, like a primitive beast. The book was covered in the dust of time, and it billowed from my breath like a light curtain. I saw the lock on the side of the diary. I had forgotten the stupid password and wouldn't enjoy wasting my time remembering it, so, (instead,) I ripped it savagely, like a primitive beast.

I really like your imagery! I tried to keep it close to the idea of what it sounds like you were aiming for. Again, I fixed the first sentence to past tense. In English, try not to repeat the same word too much (this is only a thing in creative writing, though). The 'instead' I added is just an enhancement word. You might like to use the word 'instead' to contrast two ideas. The character didn't want to remember the password, so *instead,* he ripped it up. It is just an extra option.

wWhat I saw iwas only a white page, a. Another white page, and countless white pages, just like my blank mind—but without the fury, I did not understand why people try to lock something that has no thingpage was also what. In fact, the entire book seemed to hold countless white pages. My mind went blank. Calmly, I deduced that some invisible ink had to exist with the pages. Otherwise, there would be lock the book. What I saw was only a white page. Another page was also what. In fact, the entire book seemed to hold countless white pages. My mind went blank. Calmly, I deduced that some invisible ink had to exist with the pages. Otherwise, there would be lock the book.

what I saw iwas only a white page, another white page, and countless white pages, just like my blank mind—but without the fury,. I did not understand why people try to lock something that has no thing in it. what I saw was only a white page, another white page, and countless white pages, just like my blank mind—but without the fury. I did not understand why people try to lock something that has nothing in it.

what I saw isWhen I opened the book, I only saw a white page, then another white page, and another, countless white pages, just like my blank mind—but without the fury,. I did not understand why peoplesomeone would try to lock up something that has no thingcontents. When I opened the book, I only saw a white page, then another white page, and another, countless white pages, just like my blank mind—but without the fury. I did not understand why someone would try to lock up something that has no contents.

This is a great passage. Here, not starting a new sentence has given your writing a feeling of "dramatic tension", giving you a sense of the author's impatience. "lock something that has no thing" is very poetic, but may sounds a bit unnatural.

what I saw is onlyBut when I opened it, all I saw was a white page, another white page, and countless white pages, just like my blank mind—but without all the fury,. I did not understand why peoplesomeone would try to lock up something that has no thing.! But when I opened it, all I saw was a white page, another white page, and countless white pages, just like my blank mind—but without all the fury. I did not understand why someone would try to lock up something that has nothing!

For the last sentence, consider using a more specific word for 'nothing' . Instead of 'something that has nothing', maybe, 'something that has no meaning', 'something that has no value', etc. You can be creative! But the thing I want to point out is that, to increase the effectiveness of your writing, be as specific as possible. 'Nothing' can mean many things, but 'no meaning' is very specific. Just a suggestion!

I turned ithe bok over to the cover, unexpectedly, the name Tina was writtenappeared in dark blue ink. I turned the bok over to the cover, unexpectedly, the name Tina appeared in dark blue ink.

I turned it over to the cover, and unexpectedly, found the name Tina was written in dark blue ink. I turned it over to the cover, and unexpectedly, found the name Tina written in dark blue ink.

Logic issue: Most people would look through a book starting from the first page, so they would see the cover before they read any of the book. If you meant the back of the book, you should say "the back cover".

I turned it over to the cover, u. Unexpectedly, the name Tina was written in dark blue ink. I turned it over to the cover. Unexpectedly, the name Tina was written in dark blue ink.

Perfect!

The empty diary had not a single word, in it, and the girl had vanished, reborn as someone who tears open secrets without remorse. The empty diary had not a single word in it, and the girl had vanished, reborn as someone who tears open secrets without remorse.

The empty diary had not a single word, th. The little girl had vanished, reborn as someone who tears open secrets without remorse. The empty diary had not a single word. The little girl had vanished, reborn as someone who tears open secrets without remorse.

Really nice writing.

The empty diary had not a single word, the. That girl had vanished, reborn as someone who would tears open secrets without remorse. The empty diary had not a single word. That girl had vanished, reborn as someone who would tear open secrets without remorse.

This time, I stated at the pale pages t. They had never been this powerful,. I could hear the crying, the blame, the shout,. I eventually lowered my head, although this would never help. This time, I stated at the pale pages. They had never been this powerful. I could hear the crying, the blame, the shout. I eventually lowered my head, although this would never help.

This time,Now, when I statred at the pale pages, they had never been thiswere powerful,. I could hear the crying, blameing, shout,ing... I eventually lowered my head, although this would never help. Now, when I stared at the pale pages, they were powerful. I could hear the crying, blaming, shouting... I eventually lowered my head, although this would never help.

Would never help with what? Also, is the crying, blaming, and shouting coming from her previous self, or is it memories from her childhood?

This time, I statred at the pale pages theyat had never been this powerful,. I could hear the crying, blame, shout,the blaming, the shouting (pattern consistency again). I eventually lowered my head, although ithis would never help. This time, I stared at the pale pages that had never been this powerful. I could hear the crying, the blaming, the shouting (pattern consistency again). I eventually lowered my head, although it would never help.

Everyone's childhood is lived by another person,- one who is pure, happy, kind, one who concentrates all the beautiful qualities of humanities. Everyone's childhood is lived by another person- one who is pure, happy, kind, one who concentrates all the beautiful qualities of humanities.

Everyone's childhood is lived by another person, one who is pure, happy, and kind, one who concentrates allis focused on the beautifuly in humanitiesy. Everyone's childhood is lived by another person, one who is pure, happy, and kind, one who is focused on the beauty in humanity.

"concentrates on all the beautiful humanities" is confusing in meaning. I tried to correct it to become clear, but this might not be your intended meaning.

Everyone's childhood is lived by another person, one who is pure, happy, kind, ...one who is the concentratesion of all the beautifules of humanitiesy. Everyone's childhood is lived by another person, one who is pure, happy, kind...one who is the concentration of all the beauties of humanity.

So I made this decision,: the decision to find the old me. So I made this decision: the decision to find the old me.

So I made thisa decision, the. A decision to find the old me. So I made a decision. A decision to find the old me.

So I made this decision, the decision to find the old me. So I made this decision, the decision to find the old me.

As I closed the diary, slight dust fliped idust fell onto my fingertips. As I closed the diary, dust fell onto my fingertips.

Really beautiful way to end the story. The last clause doesn't make sense because dust cannot be slight, dust cannot flip, and dust cannot go into one's fingertips, it can only rest on them.

As I closed the diary, a slight dust flipped into my fingertips. As I closed the diary, a slight dust flipped into my fingertips.

I like your imagery!

She set up the password thrillingly, wondering that mom and dad would never discovered her secret, but she forgot to consider a more evil enemy, one who would destroy everything aggressively,one who would use any means to achieve her purposes, who lacks kindness and guilt.NOTE: I could not understand this sentence. Are you referring yourself, or to someone else? Are you describing a printed book, or some type of e-book that has a password? (如果您包含中文，我或許可以理解並更正英文內容)。 NOTE: I could not understand this sentence. Are you referring yourself, or to someone else? Are you describing a printed book, or some type of e-book that has a password? (如果您包含中文，我或許可以理解並更正英文內容)。

She set up the password thrillingly, wondering thatif mom and dad would never discovered her secret, but she forgot to consider a more evil enemy, -one who would destroy everything aggressively,one who would use any means to achieve her purposes, one who lacks kindness and guilt. She set up the password thrillingly, wondering if mom and dad would ever discover her secret, but she forgot to consider a more evil enemy-one who would destroy everything aggressively,one who would use any means to achieve her purposes, one who lacks kindness and guilt.

She set up the password thrillingly, wonderwas thrilled when she set up the password, hoping that mom and dad would never discovered her secret, b. But she forgot todidn't consider a more evil enemy, one who would aggressively destroy everanything aggressively, one who would use any means to achieve her purposes, who lacks any kindness andor guilt. She was thrilled when she set up the password, hoping that mom and dad would never discovered her secret. But she didn't consider a more evil enemy, one who would aggressively destroy anything, one who would use any means to achieve her purposes, who lacks any kindness or guilt.

"thrilled" has a connotation of joy, or even elation here. Depending on your intended meaning, "fearfully" or "with great anticipation" might work better. "Evil" might also might be too extreme a word here.

She set up the password thrillingly, wonderexcitedly, imagining that mom and dad would never discovered her secret, but she forgotnever realized to consider a more evil enemy, one who would destroy everything aggressively, one who would use any means to achieve her purposes, who would ('would' adds consistency to the pattern you established here) lacks kindness and guilt. She set up the password excitedly, imagining that mom and dad would never discover her secret, but she never realized to consider a more evil enemy, one who would destroy everything aggressively, one who would use any means to achieve her purposes, who would ('would' adds consistency to the pattern you established here) lack kindness and guilt.

Thrillingly has a slightly different meaning than the way you used it. To do something thrillingly means to do something in an exciting way, but the thrill is focused on the something that was done. For example, if I wrote a book thrillingly, it means I made a book that was thrilling to read. Not that I was thrilled to write the book. I think excitedly is the word you are looking for.