Nov. 17, 2021
About Volunteer Work
Some academic high school institutions include in their curriculum mandatory volunteer work for graduation. This decision may have some pros and cons for students. In this short essay, I will share my opinion on this topic.
First of all, we have to consider that involving young people in volunteering or social work, in general, could be a great opportunity to develop empathy and explore some areas or scenarios that they may not find in a traditional curriculum. Perhaps, some of them might find social work an career path or realize how rewarding it can feel to help other people. Of course, there are many situations or projects in which they can work, and choosing where they are suited is a key factor.
On the other hand, mandatory volunteer activities can have negative effects on students. Just like reading a book without desire can make someone hate reading, being forced to volunteer does not seem like a good idea. Young people should realize how important or meaningful volunteering can be for themselves and be able to choose what kind of actions they would like to support. In fact, they may have some concerns about it. For example, you may hear some high school students talk about how some NGOs can lie and manipulate people to achieve an end.
In summary, high school curriculum designers and academic staff, in general, need to be aware of how students perceive volunteering. Volunteer work can be an amazing experience to share with others, to explore new things, or simply to help the less fortunate. However, mandatory volunteering can be a double-edged sword if students see it as a burden.
Correction Settings
Perhaps, some of them might find social work an career path or realize how rewarding it can feel to help other people.
Perhaps, some of them might find social work a career path or realize how rewarding it can feel to help other people.
'an' is used instead of 'a' when the following word is a vowel.
Just like reading a book without desirebeing forced to read can make someone hate reading, being forced to volunteer does not seem like a good idea.
Just like being forced to read can make someone hate reading, being forced to volunteer does not seem like a good idea.
to read [something] without desire is an invalid construction. It suggests that the thing being read doesn't depict desire, as in romance or longing.
'to read without desiring to' is valid but seems overly formal given the tone however
'to read without wanting to' would be best if you want to keep the same sentence structure
I'd choose 'being forced to read' because it creates a nice
For example, you may hear some high school students talk about how some NGOs can lie and manipulate people to achieve an end. For example, you may hear some high school students talk about how some NGOs can lie and manipulate people to achieve an end.
A more structural point here: considering how high schooler's opinions are crucial to the thesis of the essay, this point should be expanded a bit. It's unclear what exactly you mean
Are they lying to volunteers about the good being done or the people they're supposed to be helping?
Is the end against their mission statement or bad, how so?
It also shifts the argument away from student motivation towards some NGO's issues structural issues.
However, mandatory volunteering can become a double-edged sword if students see it as a burden. However, mandatory volunteering can become a double-edged sword if students see it as a burden.
The original is fine. Adding also between 'can' and 'be' would also be another way to add avoid simplistic repetition. become highlights the imagery of a double edged sword
also would emphasize how both the pros and cons would be present
Feedback
Overall pretty good. I liked how you used 'may' and 'can' to moderate some of your claims. I'm biased on the topic, but I hope it didn't diminish the quality of my corrections. First time correcting so feel free to voice any issues you may have with it.
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About Volunteer Work |
|
Some academic high school institutions include in their curriculum mandatory volunteer work for graduation. |
|
This decision may have some pros and cons for students. |
|
In this short essay, I will share my opinion on this topic. |
|
First of all, we have to consider that involving young people in volunteering or social work, in general, could be a great opportunity to develop empathy and explore some areas or scenarios that they may not find in a traditional curriculum. |
|
Perhaps, some of them might find social work an career path or realize how rewarding it can feel to help other people.
Perhaps, some of them might find social work a 'an' is used instead of 'a' when the following word is a vowel. |
|
Of course, there are many situations or projects in which they can work, and choosing where they are suited is a key factor. |
|
On the other hand, mandatory volunteer activities can have negative effects on students. |
|
Just like reading a book without desire can make someone hate reading, being forced to volunteer does not seem like a good idea.
Just like to read [something] without desire is an invalid construction. It suggests that the thing being read doesn't depict desire, as in romance or longing. 'to read without desiring to' is valid but seems overly formal given the tone however 'to read without wanting to' would be best if you want to keep the same sentence structure I'd choose 'being forced to read' because it creates a nice |
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Young people should realize how important or meaningful volunteering can be for themselves and be able to choose what kind of actions they would like to support. |
|
In fact, they may have some concerns about it. |
|
For example, you may hear some high school students talk about how some NGOs can lie and manipulate people to achieve an end. For example, you may hear some high school students talk about how some NGOs can lie and manipulate people to achieve an end. For example, you may hear some high school students talk about how some NGOs can lie and manipulate people to achieve an end. A more structural point here: considering how high schooler's opinions are crucial to the thesis of the essay, this point should be expanded a bit. It's unclear what exactly you mean Are they lying to volunteers about the good being done or the people they're supposed to be helping? Is the end against their mission statement or bad, how so? It also shifts the argument away from student motivation towards some NGO's issues structural issues. |
|
In summary, high school curriculum designers and academic staff, in general, need to be aware of how students perceive volunteering. |
|
Volunteer work can be an amazing experience to share with others, to explore new things, or simply to help the less fortunate. |
|
However, mandatory volunteering can be a double-edged sword if students see it as a burden. However, mandatory volunteering can become a double-edged sword if students see it as a burden. However, mandatory volunteering can become a double-edged sword if students see it as a burden. The original is fine. Adding also between 'can' and 'be' would also be another way to add avoid simplistic repetition. become highlights the imagery of a double edged sword also would emphasize how both the pros and cons would be present |
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