Most girls in my country are either skinny or eager to be skinny for the purpose of dating malesen, looking like a model, fittingtrying to fit in in a male-oriented society, or just beingwanting to be pretty. Most girls in my country are either skinny or eager to be skinny for the purpose of dating men, looking like a model, trying to fit in in a male-oriented society, or just wanting to be pretty.

Most girls in my country are skinny — or eager to be skinny for dating male— in order to date guys, looking like a model, fitt ing in a male-oriented society, or just beingto look pretty. Most girls in my country are skinny — or eager to be skinny — in order to date guys, look like a model, fit in in a male-oriented society, or just to look pretty.

You could also use brackets instead of — ... — “Males” is not used very often unless for comedic purposes in this context

They also makeoverapply makeup on their faces and wear clothes appeathat featured in fashion magazines. They also apply makeup on their face and wear clothes that feature in fashion magazines.

They also makeover their faces and wear clothes appearedthat have been in fashion magazines. They also makeover their faces and wear clothes that have been in fashion magazines.

Even Although I don't wear make up or wear that kind of clothclothes from fashion magazines, I still have athe desire to be skinny so that I can look good, feel confident, fitand fit into the society in order not to receiveto avoid body-shaming. Although I don't wear make up or wear clothes from fashion magazines, I still have the desire to be skinny so that I can look good, feel confident, and fit into the society to avoid body-shaming.

Even though I don't wear make up or wear that kind of clothesing, I still have a desire to be skinny so that I can look good, feel confident, fit theand fit into society in order not to receivbe body-shaminged. Even though I don't wear make up or that kind of clothing, I still have a desire to be skinny so that I can look good, feel confident, and fit into society in order not to be body-shamed.

I really want'm not sure what hope you are trying to dispose of? this hope.e fact that you wish you didn't feel this way (ie: also desiring to be skinny like other girls?) I'm not sure what hope you are trying to dispose of? the fact that you wish you didn't feel this way (ie: also desiring to be skinny like other girls?)

I really want to dispose of this hope. I really want to dispose of this hope.

I get what you mean here, but it isn’t natural, I can’t think how you’d say it instead though! Maybe “I really want to stop wishing for this.”

I want to be like a person who is striving to proceed withfollows her own passion and dowho doesn't care about other boringinsignificant things or biased opinions. I want to be a person who follows her own passion and who doesn't care about insignificant things or biased opinions.

I want to be like a person who is strivinges to proceed withgo through life with their own passion and don'esn’t care about other, boring things or biased opinions. I want to be a person who strives to go through life with their own passion and doesn’t care about other, boring things or biased opinions.

This is what I want to be and I would probably think about my passion only from now.

This last paragraph is redundant. You've basically already stated that in the previous one.

This is what I want to be and I wouldill probably only think about my passion only from now. This is what I want to be and I will probably only think about my passion from now.