eloise404's avatar
eloise404

Dec. 9, 2022

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IELTS Writing Practice 2

I’m not sure if the last reason is suitable or even reasonable to support my view point but I can’t come up with any other idea. Please give me some advice on the essay or even refine the sentences. Thank you!

(Topic: The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?)


As the technical improvements in vehicles, automobiles have become more and more common in the UK. Some people may consider it an issue that needed to be monitored and controlled by the government, while others suggest that we encourage different means of transportation to lower the congestion. From my viewpoint, I agree with the legislation imposed on the cars to limit the amount of driver and develop more ways of transport to enhance the efficiency of traffic.

First of all, the rising wealth makes the vehicles become more affordable to every household, which means the number of cars are getting higher. To protect the rights and safety of the increasing drivers and pedestrians, the well-rounded laws and restrictions are needed.

Secondly, to achieve the concept and meet the main stream of the environmental protection, government should invest more in the instruction of, for example, bus stops, MRT stations, trains, etc. This policy may reduce the emission of fumes and lower the burden of traffic on the road by raising the willingness and making the transportation system more convenience for the residents and commuters.

Last but not least, the number of death and injury cases caused by car accidents remains high. This could be a reason why we should reduce or set an upper limit of cars running outside since other approaches of travelling, such as bus and trains, are relatively safer.

In conclusion, I consider the total amount of vehicles on the road should be overseen by the government to enhance traffic efficiency and reduce the car accidents. Also, more public transport should be built so as to slow down the global warming process and contribute to a way more sustainable society for our ancestors.

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eloise404's avatar
eloise404

Dec. 10, 2022

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Secondly, to achieve the concept and meet the main stream of the environmental protection, the government should invest more in the iconstruction of, for example, bus stops, MRT stations, trains, etc.

"...the concept and meet the mainstream of the environmental protection..."

This part was unclear in its meaning.

eloise404's avatar
eloise404

Dec. 10, 2022

0
eloise404's avatar
eloise404

Dec. 12, 2022

0

Secondly, to achieve the concept and meet the main stream of the environmental protection, the government should invest more in the iconstruction of, for example, bus stops, MRT stations, trains, etc.

"...the concept and meet the mainstream of the environmental protection..."

This part was unclear in its meaning.

onediamondmorning's avatar
onediamondmorning

Dec. 13, 2022

0

I tried to rewrite the sentence as below: Secondly, as global citizens, we should consider more about climate changes and related issues. Therefore, the government should invest more in the construction of, for example, bus stops, MRT stations, trains, etc.

IELTS Writing Practice 2


I’m not sure if the last reason is suitable or even reasonable to support my view point but I can’t come up with any other idea.


Please give me some advice on the essay or even refine the sentences.


Thank you!


(Topic: The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree? )


As the technical improvements in vehicles, automobiles have become more and more common in the UK.


As theDue to technical improvements in vehicles, automobiles have become more and more common in the UK. Due to technical improvements in vehicles, automobiles have become more and more common in the UK.

Some people may consider it an issue that needed to be monitored and controlled by the government, while others suggest that we encourage different means of transportation to lower the congestion.


Some people may consider it an issue that neededs to be monitored and controlled by the government, while others suggest that we encourage different means of transportation to lower the congestion. Some people may consider it an issue that needs to be monitored and controlled by the government, while others suggest that we encourage different means of transportation to lower congestion.

From my viewpoint, I agree with the legislation imposed on the cars to limit the amount of driver and develop more ways of transport to enhance the efficiency of traffic.


From my viewpoint, I agree with the legislation imposed on the cars to limit the amount of drivers and develop more ways of transport to enhance the efficiency of traffic. From my viewpoint, I agree with the legislation imposed on the cars to limit the amount of drivers and develop more ways of transport to enhance the efficiency of traffic.

First of all, the rising wealth makes the vehicles become more affordable to every household, which means the number of cars are getting higher.


First of all, the rising wealth makes the vehicles become more affordable to every household, which means the number of cars are getting higher. First of all, the rising wealth makes the vehicles become more affordable to every household, which means the number of cars are getting higher.

This is how I'd write it: First of all, the rise in general wealth means that vehicles are becoming more affordable to a greater number of households, which is causing a rise in the number of cars.

To protect the rights and safety of the increasing drivers and pedestrians, the well-rounded laws and restrictions are needed.


To protect the rights and safety of the increasing drivers and pedestrians, the well-rounded laws and restrictions are needed. To protect the rights and safety of the increasing drivers and pedestrians, well-rounded laws and restrictions are needed.

Secondly, to achieve the concept and meet the main stream of the environmental protection, government should invest more in the instruction of, for example, bus stops, MRT stations, trains, etc.


Secondly, to achieve the concept and meet the main stream of the environmental protection, the government should invest more in the iconstruction of, for example, bus stops, MRT stations, trains, etc. Secondly, to achieve the concept and meet the mainstream of the environmental protection, the government should invest more in the construction of, for example, bus stops, MRT stations, trains, etc.

"...the concept and meet the mainstream of the environmental protection..." This part was unclear in its meaning.

This policy may reduce the emission of fumes and lower the burden of traffic on the road by raising the willingness and making the transportation system more convenience for the residents and commuters.


This policy may reduce the emission of fumes and lower the burden of traffic on the road by raising the willingness and making the transportation systemof the public to take public transport by making it more conveniencet for the residents and commuters. This policy may reduce the emission of fumes and lower the burden of traffic on the road by raising the willingness of the public to take public transport by making it more convenient for the residents and commuters.

Last but not least, the number of death and injury cases caused by car accidents remains high.


Last but not least, the number of deaths and injury casies caused by car accidents remains high. Last but not least, the number of deaths and injuries caused by car accidents remains high.

This could be a reason why we should reduce or set an upper limit of cars running outside since other approaches of travelling, such as bus and trains, are relatively safer.


This could be a reason why we should reduce or set an upper limit of cars running outside since other approachemethods of travelling, such as bus and trains, are relatively safer. This could be a reason why we should reduce or set an upper limit of cars running outside since other methods of travelling, such as bus and trains, are relatively safer.

In conclusion, I consider the total amount of vehicles on the road should be overseen by the government to enhance traffic efficiency and reduce the car accidents.


In conclusion, I considerthink the total amount of vehicles on the road should be overseen by the government to enhance traffic efficiency and reduce the car accidents. In conclusion, I think the total amount of vehicles on the road should be overseen by the government to enhance traffic efficiency and reduce the car accidents.

Also, more public transport should be built so as to slow down the global warming process and contribute to a way more sustainable society for our ancestors.


Also, more public transport should be built so as to slow down the global warming process and contribute to a way more sustainable society for our ancestordescendants. Also, more public transport should be built so as to slow down the global warming process and contribute to a more sustainable society for our descendants.

"way more" is colloquial.

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