Jan. 9, 2023
Recently I watched a documentary about the causes of childrens getting involved in crime. This reports a series of key factors that explain why they tend to commit criminal actions even in an early age into the teenagers age.
First of all, there is a main and unavoidable topic at these ages in all the cases that were shown, that is, the social context: they live in the outskirts, in poor neighbourhoods where the unemployment makes unthinkable for them being able to think inon a better future. Obviously, this phenomenon starts at school. Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage something to eat. So by far, we could imagine his parents cando not afford all the material necessary for a proper education. What it was described above link in some sense to the firsthand view of a social worker in the film, who stated that it is not a matter of surprise the relationship between desperation of young children and bad actions like crime.
Secondly, this example may just shows the lack of parental control and discipline. Statement which was firmly expressed for one of the experts interviewed. Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, it was not taken into account that covering basics needs is prior to anything else, even a firm moral which took Kevin out of this kind of problems.
On summary, in some areas the social elevator have never worked as it is expected, and this phenomenon affects influences to differents generations, reason why parents may not assure the typical educational and moral rules which are supposed to youngs and teenagers.
Could you help me to make it sound more natural?
Essay CAE C1 "Crime and yYoungth in pPoor aAreas"
Essay CAE C1 "Crime and Youth in Poor Areas"
Recently I watched a documentary about the causes ofor why childrens getting involved inwith crime.
Recently I watched a documentary about the causes for why children get involved with crime.
This reportsIt provided a series of key factors that explain why they tend to commit criminal actions even inat an early age and then into the teenagers age years.
It provided a series of key factors that explain why they tend to commit criminal actions even at an early age and then into the teenage years.
First of all, there is athe main and unavoidable topic that occurred at these ages in all the cases that were shown, thaand it is, the social context: they live in the outskirts, in poor neighbourhoods where the unemployment makes it unthinkable for them being able to think inonabout a better future.
First of all, there is the main and unavoidable topic that occurred at these ages in all the cases that were shown, and it is the social context: they live in the outskirts, in poor neighborhoods where the unemployment makes it unthinkable for them to think about a better future.
Obviously, tThis phenomenon starts at school.
This phenomenon starts at school.
Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage for something to eat. Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage for something to eat.
So by far, we couldWe can then imagine that his parents candoould not afford all the material necessary for a proper education.
We can then imagine that his parents could not afford all the material necessary for a proper education.
This sentence should be past tense.
What it was described above link in some sense to theThe description in the above link was a firsthand view ofrom a social worker interviewed in the film, who stated that it is not a matter of surprise theat there exists a relationship between the desperation of young children and bad actions like crime.
The description in the above link was a firsthand view from a social worker interviewed in the film, who stated that it is not a matter of surprise that there exists a relationship between the desperation of young children and bad actions like crime.
Secondly, this example may just showsdemonstrate the lack of parental control and discipline.
Secondly, this example may demonstrate the lack of parental control and discipline.
SThis statement which was firmly expressed forby one of the experts interviewed.
This statement was firmly expressed by one of the experts interviewed.
Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, it was not taken into account that covering basics needs is prior to anything else, even a firm moral which took Kevin out of this kind of problemstantamount.
Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, it was not taken into account that covering basic needs is tantamount.
I don't know what you mean by "even a firm moral which took Kevin out of this kind of problems" so I deleted it.
OIn summary, in some areas the social elevator haves never worked as it is expected, and this phenomenon affects influences to differents generations, which perpetuates reasons why parents may not assure the typical educational and moral rules which are supposed to youngsbe taught to children and teenagers.
In summary, in some areas the social elevator has never worked as expected and this phenomenon influences different generations which perpetuates reasons why parents may not assure the typical educational and moral rules which are supposed to be taught to children and teenagers.
Feedback
I think you should start writing in smaller sentences in order to get the grammar down first and avoid using flowery fillers. Otherwise, this is a good attempt.
Essay CAE C1 "Crime and young in poor areas"
Recently I watched a documentary about the causes of childrens getting involved in crime.
Recently I watched a documentary about the causes of children getting involved in crime.
Children is already the plural of child
ThisIt reports a series of key factors that explain why they tend to commit criminal actions even inat an early age into the teenager's aglife.
It reports a series of key factors that explain why they tend to commit criminal actions even at an early age into the teenager's life.
It sounds better than This in this scenario, though can't explain exactly why. Not grammatically incorrect though.
At should be used, weird preposition things
Teenagers needs apostrophe
While also not grammatically incorrect, saying "early age into the teenager's age" sounds off, I'd say teenager's life in this case
First of all, there is a main and unavoidable topic at these ages in all the cases that were shown, that is, the social context: they live in the outskirts, in poor neighbourhoods where the unemployment makes it unthinkable for them being able to think inonabout a better future.
First of all, there is a main and unavoidable topic at these ages in all the cases that were shown, that is, the social context: they live in the outskirts, in poor neighbourhoods where the unemployment makes it unthinkable for them being able to think about a better future.
You need "it" to show what is being made unthinkable
Inon isn't a preposition, I'd use about
Obviously, this phenomenon starts at school.
Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage for something to eat. Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage for something to eat.
Preposition "for" is needed
So by far, we could imagine his parents cando not afford all the material necessary for a proper education.
So by far, we could imagine his parents cannot afford all the material necessary for a proper education.
Cando isn't a word
What it was described above link in some sense toreinforces the firsthand view of a social worker in the film, who stated that it is not a matter of surprise the relationship between desperation of young children and bad actions like crime isn't a surprise.
What was described above reinforces the firsthand view of a social worker in the film, who stated that the relationship between desperation of young children and bad actions like crime isn't a surprise.
Rephrasing
You don't say a matter of surprise, just surprise, also moved "isn't a surprise" to describe the relationship
Secondly, this example may just shows the lack of parental control and discipline.
Secondly, this example may just show the lack of parental control and discipline.
Incorrect conjugation
SThis was a statement which was firmly expressed forby one of the experts interviewed.
This was a statement which was firmly expressed by one of the experts interviewed.
You never stated what the statement is, you need to explain what it is
Wrong preposition
Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, it was not taken into account that covering basics needs is prior tomore important than anything else, even a firm morals which took Kevin out of thisese kinds of problems.
Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, it was not taken into account that covering basic needs is more important than anything else, even firm morals which took Kevin out of these kinds of problems.
Using "prior" sounds weird here
Adjectives aren't plural
Note that if Kevin didn't recover, you'd use "which could have took Kevin" instead of "which took"
OIn summary, in some areas the social elevator haves never worked as it is expected, and this phenomenon affects influences to differents generations, a reason why parents may not assure the typical educational and moral rules which are supposed to youngsare supposed to be applied young people and teenagers are applied.
In summary, in some areas the social elevator has never worked as expected, and this phenomenon influences different generations, a reason why parents may not assure the typical educational and moral rules which are supposed are supposed to be applied young people and teenagers are applied.
It's "in summary"
You combined past and present tense, but "it is" is also unneeded in that sentence
"Affect influences" sounds odd, I'd just use "influences" as a verb
Adjectives aren't plural
Article needed
"to be applied" needs to be added, and to not make it an incomplete thought add "are applied" to the end
Youngs isn't a word
Feedback
While some sentences were hard to comprehend, overall it was good
Essay CAE C1 "Crime and yYoungth in pPoor aAreas"
Essay CAE C1 "Crime and Youth in Poor Areas"
Recently, I watched a documentary about the causes of childrens gett becoming involved in crime.
Recently, I watched a documentary about the causes of children becoming involved in crime.
Seeing as this is an essay, I would consider using a more formal tone, which is why I would replace "getting" with "becoming".
ThisIt reports a series of key factors that explain why they tend to commit criminal actions even infrom an early age, and into their teenagers age years.
It reports a series of key factors that explain why they tend to commit criminal actions even from an early age, and into their teenage years.
First of all, there is a maincentral and unavoidable topicfactor at these ages inthat remained consistent throughout all of the cases that were shown,presented by the documentary; that is, the social context: they live ion the outskirts, in poor neighbourhoods where the unemployment makes it unthinkable for them beingto be able to think inonimagine a better future.
First of all, there is a central and unavoidable factor at these ages that remained consistent throughout all of the cases presented by the documentary; that is, the social context: they live on the outskirts, in poor neighbourhoods where unemployment makes it unthinkable for them to be able to imagine a better future.
You mention "key factors" in your previous sentence, so I would choose to continue that thought and be consistent throughout here.
Also--outskirts of what? A city? A town? Specify.
You use "unthinkable" and then "to be able to think of", so I would choose to switch up the word choice here.
ObviouslyFor many children, this phenomenon starts at school.
For many children, this phenomenon starts at school.
The usage of "obviously" here seems a bit off-putting; too assertive for an introductory statement.
Such is the case ofor Kevin, who at the age of 10, spent most of his time alone and out of school and alone, looking into thethrough garbage for something to eat.
Such is the case for Kevin, who at the age of 10, spent most of his time out of school and alone, looking through garbage for something to eat.
So by far, wThrough his example, one could imagine that his parents cando not afford all the materials necessary for a proper education.
Through his example, one could imagine that his parents cannot afford all the materials necessary for a proper education.
I'm not quite sure if you are allowed to use personal pronouns as this is an essay, so changing "we" to "one" is up to you.
What it was describedKevin's situation above links, in some sense, to the firsthand viewperspective of a social worker in the filmdocumentary, who stated that it is not a matter of surprise thesurprising that there is a relationship between the desperation of young children and badnegative actions like crime.
Kevin's situation above links, in some sense, to the firsthand perspective of a social worker in the documentary, who stated that it is not surprising that there is a relationship between the desperation of young children and negative actions like crime.
SecondlyHowever, this example may justsimply shows the lack of parental control and discipline.
However, this example may simply show the lack of parental control and discipline.
SThis statement which was firmly expressed forby one of the experts interviewed.
This statement was firmly expressed by one of the experts interviewed.
Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, it wasthe expert did not taken into account that covering basics needs is prior tonecessary before considering anything else, --even a firm moral compass--which took Kevin out of this kind of problems.
Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, the expert did not take into account that covering basic needs is necessary before considering anything else--even a firm moral compass--which took Kevin out of this kind of problem.
OIn summary, in some areas, the social elevator haves never worked as it is expected, and t. This phenomenon affects influences to differents generations, which is the reason why parents may not asbe able to ensure the typical educational and moral rules which are supposdevelopment which is expected tof youngsth and teenagers.
In summary, in some areas, the social elevator has never worked as it is expected. This phenomenon influences different generations, which is the reason why parents may not be able to ensure the typical educational and moral development which is expected of youth and teenagers.
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Essay CAE C1 "Crime and young in poor areas"
Essay CAE C1 "Crime and This sentence has been marked as perfect!
Essay CAE C1 "Crime and |
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Recently I watched a documentary about the causes of childrens getting involved in crime.
Recently, I watched a documentary about the causes of children Seeing as this is an essay, I would consider using a more formal tone, which is why I would replace "getting" with "becoming".
Recently I watched a documentary about the causes of children Children is already the plural of child
Recently I watched a documentary about the causes |
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This reports a series of key factors that explain why they tend to commit criminal actions even in an early age into the teenagers age.
It sounds better than This in this scenario, though can't explain exactly why. Not grammatically incorrect though. At should be used, weird preposition things Teenagers needs apostrophe While also not grammatically incorrect, saying "early age into the teenager's age" sounds off, I'd say teenager's life in this case
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First of all, there is a main and unavoidable topic at these ages in all the cases that were shown, that is, the social context: they live in the outskirts, in poor neighbourhoods where the unemployment makes unthinkable for them being able to think inon a better future.
First of all, there is a You mention "key factors" in your previous sentence, so I would choose to continue that thought and be consistent throughout here. Also--outskirts of what? A city? A town? Specify. You use "unthinkable" and then "to be able to think of", so I would choose to switch up the word choice here.
First of all, there is a main and unavoidable topic at these ages in all the cases that were shown, that is, the social context: they live in the outskirts, in poor neighbourhoods where the unemployment makes it unthinkable for them being able to think You need "it" to show what is being made unthinkable Inon isn't a preposition, I'd use about
First of all, there is |
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Obviously, this phenomenon starts at school.
The usage of "obviously" here seems a bit off-putting; too assertive for an introductory statement. This sentence has been marked as perfect!
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Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage something to eat.
Such is the case Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage for something to eat. Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage for something to eat. Preposition "for" is needed Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage for something to eat. Such is the case of Kevin, who at the age of 10 spent most of his time alone and out of school, looking into the garbage for something to eat. |
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So by far, we could imagine his parents cando not afford all the material necessary for a proper education.
I'm not quite sure if you are allowed to use personal pronouns as this is an essay, so changing "we" to "one" is up to you.
So by far, we could imagine his parents can Cando isn't a word
This sentence should be past tense. |
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What it was described above link in some sense to the firsthand view of a social worker in the film, who stated that it is not a matter of surprise the relationship between desperation of young children and bad actions like crime.
What Rephrasing You don't say a matter of surprise, just surprise, also moved "isn't a surprise" to describe the relationship
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Secondly, this example may just shows the lack of parental control and discipline.
Secondly, this example may just show Incorrect conjugation
Secondly, this example may |
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Statement which was firmly expressed for one of the experts interviewed.
You never stated what the statement is, you need to explain what it is Wrong preposition
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Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, it was not taken into account that covering basics needs is prior to anything else, even a firm moral which took Kevin out of this kind of problems.
Nonetheless, in my humble opinion,
Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, it was not taken into account that covering basic Using "prior" sounds weird here Adjectives aren't plural Note that if Kevin didn't recover, you'd use "which could have took Kevin" instead of "which took"
Nonetheless, in my humble opinion, it was not taken into account that covering basic I don't know what you mean by "even a firm moral which took Kevin out of this kind of problems" so I deleted it. |
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On summary, in some areas the social elevator have never worked as it is expected, and this phenomenon affects influences to differents generations, reason why parents may not assure the typical educational and moral rules which are supposed to youngs and teenagers.
It's "in summary" You combined past and present tense, but "it is" is also unneeded in that sentence "Affect influences" sounds odd, I'd just use "influences" as a verb Adjectives aren't plural Article needed "to be applied" needs to be added, and to not make it an incomplete thought add "are applied" to the end Youngs isn't a word
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