I realized recently that iI am struggling to be perceived , inoticed. It stems from , at least what i come up with , from really bad/shameful past socializing,always choosingI think , the bad an shameful relationships I've had in the past. I have always gravitated towards people that disliked me , and o. One of the responsibilities i took from an early age , ibehaviors I demonstrated was to try and make those exact people choose me ,morphing into what they liked ,like me and by acting the way they wanted me to act. I would trying to psychoanalyze them , toand watch carefully ato see what their faces wasere doing , so i can forsakeI would know what to do next , what to change next , what iI can beould do next to fitmake theirm liking ,e me. I wasn't doing that purposefully , me. Man iI hope not,a! After a while this mechanismsway of acting became exhausting. , mMy mind was always occupied , with thoughts , dreams , hopes , fears , i! never forgot how these people made me feel , t. They rejected me , and ithis was finally goleading me to reject myself , but first i made. I was making myself iunattainable , far away from people's perception,i. It was like a middle in the finger forto them , but when this was directed. I could have directed my energy towards people thatwho could have been their for me , that wcould have been a part of my life , with whom iI could have evolve , td. The regrets where all mine , and i. Now I realize that it wais time for me to move past the hurt that people who wasn't suited for me caused ,I experienced and to be enough brave , j, Just enough to drovep a defense mechanism that no longer helped me . I realized recently that I am struggling to be noticed. It stems from , I think , the bad an shameful relationships I've had in the past. I have always gravitated towards people that disliked me. One of the behaviors I demonstrated was to try and make those people like me and by acting the way they wanted me to act. I would try to psychoanalyze them and watch carefully to see what their faces were doing so I would know what to do next, what to change, what I could do next to make them like me. I wasn't doing that purposefully. Man I hope not! After a while this way of acting became exhausting. My mind was always occupied , with thoughts , dreams , hopes , fears , ! never forgot how these people made me feel. They rejected me , and this was leading me to reject myself. I was making myself unattainable, far away from people's perception. It was like a middle in the finger to them. I could have directed my energy towards people who could have been their for me , that could have been a part of my life , with whom I could have evolved. The regrets where all mine. Now I realize that it is time for me to move past the hurt that I experienced and to be enough brave, Just enough to drop a defense mechanism that no longer helped me .

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I realized recently that iI am struggling to be perceived , i. It stems from , at least what ifrom what I can come up with , from really bad/shameful past socializing, always choosing people that disliked me , and one of the responsibilities iI took from an early age , is to try and make those exact people choose me , morphing into what they liked , trying to psychoanalyze them , to watch carefully at what their faces was doing , so iI can forsake what to do next , what to change next , what iI can be next to fit their liking ,. I wasn't doing that purposefully , me... Man iI hope not,a. After a while this mechanisms became exhausting , m. My mind was always occupied , with thoughts , dreams , hopes , fears , i. I never forgot how these people made me feel , t. They rejected me , and iI was finally going to reject myself , but first iI made myself iunattainable , far away from people's perception,i. It was like a middle in the finger forto them , but when this was directed towards people that could have been theire for me , that would have been a part of my life , with whom iI could have evolve d, the regret whereas all mine , and i. I realized that it was time to move past the hurt that people who waseren't suited for me caused , to be enough brave enough, just enough to droveget rid of a defense mechanism that no longer helps me . I realized recently that I am struggling to be perceived. It stems from, at least from what I can come up with, really bad/shameful past socializing, always choosing people that disliked me, and one of the responsibilities I took from an early age is to try and make those exact people choose me, morphing into what they liked, trying to psychoanalyze them, to watch carefully at what their faces was doing, so I can forsake what to do next , what to change next, what I can be next to fit their liking. I wasn't doing that purposefully... Man I hope not. After a while this became exhausting. My mind was always occupied with thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears. I never forgot how these people made me feel. They rejected me, and I was finally going to reject myself, but first I made myself unattainable, far away from people's perception. It was like a middle finger to them, but when this was directed towards people that could have been there for me, that would have been a part of my life, with whom I could have evolved, the regret was all mine. I realized that it was time to move past the hurt that people who weren't suited for me caused, to be brave enough, just enough to get rid of a defense mechanism that no longer helps me.